Olaf Svenson, working on the farm, took a lightning-quick kick from a cow… right in his crotch.
Writhing in agony, he fell to the ground.
As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.
He said : “How bad is it Doc? I’m going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiance Lena , is still a Virgin – in every vay.”
The doctor told him” “Olof, I’ll have to put your willy in a splint to let it heal & keep it straight.
It should be okay next week, but leaveit on here as long as you can.”
He took four tongue depressors & formed a neat little 4 sided splint & taped it all together…quite an impressive work of art.
Olof mentioned none of this to Lena, married her & they went on their honeymoon to Duluth .
That night in the Motel 6, Lena ripped open her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts.
She said: “Olof.. you’re the first vun! No vun has EVER seen deez.”
Olof immediately dropped his pants & replied:
“Look at dis Lena …. still in DA CRATE!”
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A hooded robber burst into a bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.
On his way out the door a brave customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off, revealing the robber’s face.
The robber shot the customer without a moment’s hesitation.
He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking
straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also.
Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence.
The robber yelled, “Well, did anyone else see my face?”
There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly
afraid to speak. Then one old man tentatively raised his hand and said,
“My wife got a pretty good look at you.”——————————————————————
A cowboy and his new bride check into a motel. The cowboy explains to the desk clerk that they were just married that morning.
“Would you like the bridal?” the clerk asks them.
“No thanks,” the cowboy answers. “I’ll just hold her by the ears until she gets the hang of it.”
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A woman preparing to leave her husband casually informs him, “I’m going to become a hooker. I can make $400 for what I give you for free.”
“I’m coming with you,” the man replies. “I want to see you live on $800 a year.”
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A 75-year-old man goes to confession and tells the priest, “Forgive me father for I have sinned. I had sex last night with two 20-year-old girls, and I had sex with each one three times.”
The priest says, “How long has it been since your last confession, my son?”
The man says, “I have never been to confession, I am Jewish.”
“So why are you telling me this?” asks the priest.
The man says, “I’m telling everybody!”
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A man was invited to a friend’s home for dinner, where he noticed that his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms, calling her honey, darling, sweetheart, pumpkin, etc. He was impressed at this, since the couple had been married over 50 years.
While the wife was in the kitchen, he said, “I think it’s wonderful that after all the years, you still call your wife those pet names.”
His buddy shrugged, lowered his voice and said, “To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about 10 years ago.”
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A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.
The undertaker told the husband, “You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150.”
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, “Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?”
The man replied, “Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead.” Shaking his head, he continued, “I just can’t take that chance.”
Sunday Morning Funnies! | BlogsCanada.ca
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