A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.
The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the woman slowly sliding down her chair, under the table and under the table cloth but the man stared straight ahead. The waitress watched as the woman slid all the way down her chair and totally out of sight under the tablecloth.. Still, the man stared straight ahead.
The waitress, thinking this behavior a bit risqué and worried that it might offend other diners, went over to the table and, tactfully, began by saying to the man: "Pardon me sir, but I think your wife just slid under the table." The man calmly looked up at her and said: "No, unfortunately she just walked in."
**
Coming towards Christmas a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that his daughter asked Santa for a Barbie for Christmas.
He pulls over to a toy shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?'
The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95
The amazed father asks: 'It 's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?’
The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers:
'Sir... Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture, Ken's computer, one of Ken's friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.
**
AND FINALLY:
A farmer stopped by the local mechanics' shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home, he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store, he now had a problem, how to carry all his purchases home.
While he was scratching his head, he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?'
The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there, but I can't carry this lot.'
The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm, and carry the goose in your other hand?'
'Why, thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home
On the way, he said 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'
The little old lady looked him over cautiously and then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to protect me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'
The farmer said, 'Holy smokes, lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'
The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.
On the way home, he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store, he now had a problem, how to carry all his purchases home.
While he was scratching his head, he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?'
The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there, but I can't carry this lot.'
The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm, and carry the goose in your other hand?'
'Why, thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home
On the way, he said 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'
The little old lady looked him over cautiously and then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to protect me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'
The farmer said, 'Holy smokes, lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'
The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.
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Happy New Year!
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