Sunday Morning Funnies Part #233

Let's put all the drudgery of the past week behind us and put on our happy hats kids because it's time for "Sunday Morning Funnies..!"

(And not a gay joke amongst them!)

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THE BOTTLE OF WINE

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks , the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman.

The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

'What in bag?' asked the old woman .

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:

'Good trade.....!'

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A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten
million bucks.

His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place.

It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks he embezzled from me is." The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is.

The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."

The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple and says, "Ask him again!"

The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: "He'll kill you if you don't tell him!"

The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzi's backyard in Queens !"

The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"

The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger"

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You don't even have to be a mother to enjoy this one;

Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's 'roommate', Jennifer was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.'

About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?'

Brian said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure.
So he sat down and wrote:

____________

Dear Mom ,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house,
I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle.
But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Brian
_____________

Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:

________

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jennifer.
But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love, Mom
______________

LESSON OF THE DAY - NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER!

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Here in Canada, Newfoundlanders have the lowest stress rate because they do not take medical terminology seriously.

You are going to die anyway, so live life and drink till you cannot lift your own mug!

Newfie Medical Dictionary

Artery............................. The study of paintings
Bacteria......................... Back door to cafeteria
Barium........................... What doctors do when patients die
Benign........................... What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section............... A neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan....................... Searching for Kitty
Cauterize...................... Made eye contact with her
Colic.............................. A sheep dog
Coma............................ A punctuation mark
Dilate............................ To live long
Enema...........................Not a friend
Fester........................... Quicker than someone else
Fibula........................... A small lie
Impotent........................Distinguished, well known
Labor Pain................. Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff............... A Doctor's cane
Morbid........................... A higher offer
Nitrates......................... Cheaper than day rates
Node.............................. I knew it
Outpatient..................... A person who has fainted
Pelvis................. .......... Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative................. A letter carrier
Recovery Room.................. Place to do upholstery
Rectum......................... Nearly killed him
Secretion...................... Hiding something
Seizure........................ Roman emperor
Tablet........................... A small table
Terminal Illness.............. Getting sick at the airport
Tumor........................... One plus one more
Urine............................. Opposite of you're out



Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know......!) and is available as an E-Book H E R E! and H E R E! And as a paperback H E R E ! and H E R E !

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://allans-perspective.blogspot.com