Allan's Perspective is not recommended for the politically correct, or the overly religious! Some people have opinions, and some have convictions ..., what we offer is Perspective! (Sometimes I feel like I'm just a bobble-head on the highway of life!)

I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around!

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Sunday Morning Funnies | BlogsCanada.ca

 

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>> Subject:  Exam Answers??
>>
>> The following questions were set in last year’s GCSE examination in
Swindon, Wiltshire ( U.K. )

>> These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)

>>

>>

>> Q. Name the four seasons

>> A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

>>

>> Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink

>> A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large  pollutants
like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

>>

>> Q. How is dew formed

>> A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

>>

>> Q. What causes the tides in the oceans

>> A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to
flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors
a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

>>

>> Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on

>> A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

>>

>> Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections

>> A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

>>

>> Q. What are steroids

>> A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

>>

>>

>>

>> Q. What happens to your body as you age

>> A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

>>

>> Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty

>> A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his
adultery

>>

>>

>>

>> Q Name a major disease associated with cigarettes

>> A. Premature death

>>

>> Q. What is artificial insemination

>> A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

>>

>> Q. How can you delay milk turning sour

>> A. Keep it in the cow

>>

>> Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)

>> A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart
and lungs

>>

>>     and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and
U                          (What ???)

>>

>> Q.. What is the fibula?

>> A   A small lie

>>

>> Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean?

>> A. Nearby

>>

>> Q. What is the most common form of birth control

>> A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

>>

>>

>>

>> Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’

>> A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

>>

>> Q. What is a seizure?

>> A. A Roman Emperor.

>>

>>

>>

>> Q. What is a terminal illness

>> A. When you are sick at the airport.

>>

>>

>>

>> Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?

>> A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

>>

>> Q. Use the word ‘judicious’ in a sentence to show you understand its
meaning

>> A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your
face.

>>

>>

>>

>> Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?

>> A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

>>

>> Q. What is a turbine?

>> A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

Sunday Morning Funnies | BlogsCanada.ca