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Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Chuck Norris has lost his marbles! | BlogsCanada.ca

 

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Dear Readers;

Please, OH PLEASE, watch this video of Chuck Norris and his wife. (daughter? friend? sparing partner?)

I am truly amazed that the old boy could keep a straight face while recording this.

If, on the other hand, Chuckie meant it, then be afraid …………., be very afraid!

——————————————————————————-

In a “public service announcement” posted on YouTube over the weekend, formerly beloved action hero Chuck Norris and his wife Gena don’t mince words in their warning to evangelical Christians that allowing President Obama to be re-elected would mean certain gloom and doom of apocalyptic proportions.

“We’re at a tipping point,” says Norris, who is no stranger to hyperbole, having previously mused that had Mother Mary been covered by Obamacare, she would have aborted Jesus Christ. “Our country as we know it may be lost forever if we don’t change the course in which our country is headed,” he warns.

Repurposing Ronald Reagan’s famous career-launching quote, Gena contributes to the hysterics by claiming that Obama’s re-election “will sentence [our children] to take the first step into 1,000 years of darkness.”

Chuck Norris Fact No. 1,763: Chuck Norris and his wife are kind of crazy.

http://gawker.com/5940201/chuck-norris-and-his-wife-warn-that-obama-re+election-would-mean-1000-years-of-darkness

Chuck E Cheese

All

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You are following John Coctostans comments

John Coctostanand 2 moreReply2 hours ago

So disappointed in you Chuck, one too many blows to the head?

Edit to add:

How can ANY of these evangelical crazies believe the crap they spew out of their mouths?

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You are following Related Trivias comments

Related Triviaand 1 moreReplyan hour ago

Only a man who believes God is a man who lives on planet Kolob, and also happens to be the the spawn of a Mexican polygamy cult can save us!Edit

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You are following Cheneyshearts comments

CheneysheartReplyan hour ago

Why doesn’t he shave his dirty fucking face? Does he go to church looking like that? Either grow a Jesus beard or clean the fuck up- you aren’t 25 anymore- you look like an idiot. Oh wait, you ARE an idiot. Well nevermind then… carry on.Edit

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You are following terrymcts comments

terrymctand 2 moreReplyan hour ago

“…having previously mused that had Mother Mary been covered by Obamacare, she would have aborted Jesus Christ.”

He has a shockingly low opinion of the Virgin Mary and her motivations.

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gilbertkittensReplyan hour ago

Couldn’t Stallone have written a rider onto the Expendables 2 contract that said something like, “I’ll throw you a bone Chuck, cause your career is so far down the shitter, but absolutely no political comments during the next election”?Edit

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MauryCompsonand 1 moreReplyan hour ago

Abortions were very crude in Mary’s time. It is likely they would have made a messiah of it.Edit

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thunderlipsReply46 minutes ago

Actually if Mother Mary was alive during Obamacare the inn would have accepted her insurance and she wouldn’t have had to birth her child in a fucking barn.Edit

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You are following Taint Nuttins comments

Taint NuttinReply30 minutes ago

What’s up with the scale behind him that appears to be from my old pediatrician’s office? Hell with those new-fangled digital contraptions, consarnit! Lone Wolf McQuade is keeping it old school!Edit

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You are following ThePriceofEggsinMaltas comments

ThePriceofEggsinMa…Reply20 minutes ago

I do remember this from the bible, actually. If I’m not mistaken, it’s from Revelations of the Fucking Batshit Insane and Probably Bigoted, 42:2-25:

“And you shall know the beast by the markings borne upon his skin; for unlike his predecessors and their non-threatening pasty-white skin, he shall be of a hue most unsettling to the gentiles. And lo, in an effort to confuse the faithful, he shall try to make safe the children and the poor and unclean by offering health care reform, which won’t be all that great really but will still be a slight step up from where things were, but for which he will nevertheless take a lot of shit.

Other than that, really, he’ll be pretty much the same as everyone else who’s held his office: blamed for things beyond his control, given credit for things he didn’t have much of a hand in, and judged almost entirely by his critics’ and followers’ preconceived notions of him and his political affiliation rather than on anything resembling a factual basis.

And voting the beast into office the first time will not cast the world into a thousand years of outer darkness, as the beast is lazy and will not attempt to take over the world with his socialist-fascist-communist-Muslim ways in the first four years. No! The beast will wait until he is re-elected: only then will the rocks cry blood, the rivers run dry, and there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth.”

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You are following vhz32943s comments

vhz32943Reply48 seconds ago

the most interesting story this week is: Mitt Romney. I just checked his campaign events calendar for the week. It’s on politico.com NOTHING.

Aren’t suppose to make a heavy push post convention? I guess he thinks he has it in the bag.

Yesterday, the press photo was of him was riding his boat at his vacation home.

???

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NesbitemeReplyan hour ago

Chuck: “You know Gena, we need to speak to our evangelical karate loving bother and sisters, now, about Obama and how he’s destroying this country.”
Gena: “Oh Chuck, how wonderful that would be! Yes let’s do it.”
Chuck: “Which toupee should I wear? The Burt Reynolds or my custom Action Man 2000?”
Gena: “Wear the Action Man 2000, it has gravitas. And let’s film in the dojo and put all your little league trophies on the books shelves, to show how you have trophies.”
Chuck: “I’m thinking about hanging my collection of karate costumes on the pegs, you know to show that I have karate costumes. Come on Gena lets go practice our serous looks of sincere concern.”Edit

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applejuiceand 1 moreReplyan hour ago

I’m confused, sometimes they are looking forward to the end times (because it will be good for Evangelicals who will be lifted up to heaven) and other times they seem against them. If they really think that Obama is going to bring on the end of the world you’d think they would be all for that.

Hmmmm. I’m starting to think they are making it up as they go along…

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sukitnfukitand 1 moreReplyan hour ago

1,000 years of darkness? I guess someone is bitter he did not get the casting call for Tywin Lannister. Do these dumb fucks even realize that Mary Mother of God would have most likely known exactly how to not only birth a child, but also abort one? Abortions were common practice in Jesus ‘time for nomadic tribes who depended upon the available and able hand of every tribe member, including pregnant women too sick to work. The fetuses of sickly expectant mothers were aborted to help the survival and productivity of the tribe. There was no moral compass to it. That is a modern invention. Abortion, however is not. It is just like prostitution – as old as time itself. Mr and Mrs. Norris-Lannister, please dig up one single anti-abortion quote from the bible….there isn’t one.Edit

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Bernerdand 7 moreReplyan hour ago

I still can’t my head around all those right-wing nuts proclaiming their freedom is in danger.

WHAT FREEDOM ?! The freedom of religion ? Or the freedom to get medical care when needed ? Or the freedom to marry who you want ? Or the freedom to choose to have a child ? I. Don’t. Get. It.

It’s frustrating because it’s all so absolutely stupid and ridiculous.

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mac the mouthReplyan hour ago

It stands to reason that former action stars like Chuck and Clint (maybe not so much ‘action’ star, but you know) enjoyed their biggest success in the 80s, so the probably have their Ronnie affinity. Back then, Chuck could release a cheese-fest like ‘Invasion U.S.A.’ and make serious coin off it. He’s just pining for the good ol’ days – when he had hair.Edit

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MollyNYCReply31 minutes ago

Something that really hurt McCain in 2008 was the appearance (and not merely the appearance) that a large part of his base was crazy, thus giving the impression that, in voting for McCain/Palin, you were casting your lot with borderline Alzheimer patients and the sort of people whose foaming-at-the-mouth racism was but a single facet of their myriad batshittery.
So after Obama wins [1], he should thank Norris for the help. Because (a) Norris is totally helping; and (b) to watch Norris’s head explode.
____________
[1] Which he will. No brag, just fact: If Romney wasn’t leading in the polls coming out of his convention, he’s never going to.
That said, his concession speech might be interesting. Romney would have nothing left to lose politically. He could say anything he wanted.Edit

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You are following andrewocs comments

andrewocReply17 minutes ago

For those who don’t speak crazy, he is dog whistling that Obama is the Anti-Christ. His re-election(as opposed to his initial election I guess) will mean that the Anti-Christ will reign for another 1,000 years.

There are some follow ups I’d like to ask Chuck like, if Obama is the Anti-christ, does that make Romney Jesus? Does that make Mormonism the one true religion? Can’t Jesus just roundhouse kick the Anti-christ in the head?

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Jason’s RobotReply3 minutes ago

Is wearing a hair piece acceptable under biblical law? Because that’s some old school hair system shit Chuck’s got strapped on there.
I mean, it kinda falls under the whole ‘thou shalt not lie’ thing but I wonder if there’s some specific stuff about ‘not covering your head with glue and other people’s hair’ somewhere in that book.Edit

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GregoireReply3 minutes ago

I love that Republicans love to decry the influence of liberal Hollywood, yet their own rhetoric is trumpeted through a foghorn of aging film and music stars — Clint, Chuck, Hank Williams Jr, Pat Boone, Victoria Jackson, Jon Voight — and their ultimate icon was once considered cinema’s defining B-lister. A celebrity Greek chorus of cranks plucked from the castoffs of Hollywood Squares.Edit

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econdaveand 4 moreReplyan hour ago

I’ve always found it weird how right-wing nationalists are constantly harping on how great and resilient Americans are, but yet at the same time how close we are to falling into the abyss. If America is that awesome, we should be able to survive 8 years of any president, no matter how clownish. And if one president can drive us into the ditch, well then, I guess we’re not as fantastic as you think we are.Edit

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I love you but I’v…Replyan hour ago

And this is why US presidential elections are and will be the most entertaining elections in the world (for at least another 1,000 years). It’s never about minuscule issues, it’s life or death, heaven or hell, pepsi or coke. And everything is always a step away from socialism/ anarchy/ nuclear war, the clocks are always set to five minutes to midnight.
“They’re gonna take my freedom away!!”
-”In what way?”
“Fuck you Larry, now is not the time for details!!”Edit

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knowmadand 1 moreReply56 minutes ago

If you think the Virgin Mother, who received a visit from a FUCKING ANGEL beforehand would have aborted the fetus she was AWARE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE MESSIAH I’m not sure what that says you think about the Virgin Mary…Edit

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AndroidfanboyReply55 minutes ago

So he’s saying if “Mother Mary” had been covered by obamacare, she would have aborted Jesus and the world would have one less religion to kill each other over. I fail to see how that would be a bad thing, in which case does that mean he supports obamacare? I’m confused.Edit

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MsxHillReply36 minutes ago

I wonder if Jack Black and Will Ferrell would be willing to do a similar add? They could hold hands and anesthetize their faces so that they don’t move much.Edit

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Smoo007Reply35 minutes ago

There will be a thousand years of darkness because Chuck Norris will punch all the lights out in the world to punish us.Edit

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chefstuReply33 minutes ago

WTF, are these two nut cases (racists?) or what?
What freedoms has the Obama White House curtailed?
They certainly haven’t affected the First Amendment, huge numbers of a–holes still voice their opinions.Edit

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Geoff900Reply18 minutes ago

Anyone else laughed when he said “socialism or something much worse” like having some socialism hurts a country…Edit

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EllaCindersReply16 minutes ago

I have to confess I’m a bit confused. I thought we were already in year four of the 1,000 years of darkness. If electing a black man four years ago didn’t start the doomsday clock, how can re-electing the same man be so apocalyptic?Edit

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misha trotskyReply8 minutes ago

GW Bush: God told me to invade Iraq – [www.independent.co.uk]

There’s your darkness.

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corey3rdand 2 moreReply2 hours ago

You now what’s at a tipping point? Chuck’s toupee.

Remember how the Righties on Fox News always blather about how nobody cares what celebrities think about politics? Maybe it’s time they tell Chuck Norris to shut up and keep his politics to himself.

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obtusegooseand 1 moreReplyan hour ago

But Bush destroying our economy (and the world economy) wasn’t the first step into 1,000 years of darkness? Where the hell was Chuck for those 8 years? I’m guessing smashing his head into stacks of bricks, over and over again. I love how universal healthcare translates to 1,000 years of darkness.Edit

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ashleybessReplyan hour ago

Quoting Burke does not automatically make your argument correct. Just saying. First Eastwood, now Norris. What is the action-film world coming to?!Edit

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Carry_the_ZeroReplyan hour ago

Wait, wait. So the only reason Jesus Christ didn’t end up as a pile of scrambled cells in a medical waste dump is because Mary, after receiving a message from the Holy Spirt that she was carrying God’s only son, didn’t have access to an abortion doctor?Edit

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You are following bourbonmillers comments

bourbonmillerand 2 moreReplyan hour ago

Socialism plunges a country into a thousand years of darkness? First of all, Obama isn’t socialist. Second, even if we did engage in increased social welfare, we wouldn’t have 1,000 years of darkness. Just look at Denmark… that’s the happiest country on earth!Edit

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DolemiteReplyan hour ago

Whew…I’m looking forward to some darkness. These bright and cheery years of record wealth loss, multiple wars, housing crisis and spiraling costs that occurred under Republican leadership is getting old.Edit

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You are following ThinkPositivelys comments

ThinkPositivelyand 1 moreReplyan hour ago

According to wikipedia they are both divorced and he had a child out of wedlock, so per the Old Testament shouldn’t all sorts of nasties be wrought upon them ? And wouldn’t they be left behind at Rapture Time ? I’m confused.Edit

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YanktonReplyan hour ago

I’m hardly worried. I assume should Obama get re-elected, Norris and a crack team of his geriatric Super-commandos are ready to liberate us from our milk-chocolate anti-Christ.Edit

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stannerReplyan hour ago

I didn’t watch the video, but are they saying if Obama is reelected it will guarantee the USA survives for another 1000 years, but without night-lights for our kids? That’s sounds kind of like an endorsement to me.Edit

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HolyCow!Replyan hour ago

I’ve never thought about Mary having an abortion before. Imagine all the ignorance the world would have been spared! Sadly, no abortion then.Edit

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themudlarkReplyan hour ago

What is it with all of these American Treasures hating on my beloved Obama??? Daymn.Edit

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Kspray_dadReply42 minutes ago

In a thousand years we will know if he was right.Edit

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misslindaReply35 minutes ago

Dammit, it’s not even noon. [Takes another shot] This Ronald Reagan drinking game is going to be the death of me.Edit

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You are following Jennie711s comments

Jennie711Reply23 minutes ago

1,000 years of darkness? is this the pre-story to the new NBC show Revolution? Now I get it!Edit

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misha trotskyReply16 minutes ago

‘1,000 Years of Darkness’

I’ll ask a scientist how to create light, because it’s more than magic.

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aeschylusReply14 minutes ago

clint talked to a chair. two chairs just joined the conversation.Edit

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kumfinemeeReply7 minutes ago

Is there one “action movie star” who’s not Conservative?Edit

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UncleCCClaudiusand 3 moreReply2 hours ago

What they really mean is 1000 years of darkies.Edit

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Dr_ZoidbergReplyan hour ago

So, what – no one will pay the electric bill?Edit

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You are following UKStory135s comments

UKStory135Replyan hour ago

President Obama needs to get Vin Diesel and Mr. T to counteract him.Edit

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You are following DinoCostas comments

DinoCostaReplyan hour ago

I could kick this guys ass.Edit

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You are following HamRs comments

HamRReplyan hour ago

all that beard dye must be going to his brain.Edit

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Jonathan_VReplyan hour ago

I didn’t think his acting could get any worse. I was clearly wrong. Idiocy.Edit

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TennoReplyan hour ago

I guess he missed the part where God says nobody can predict the end of the world.

Oh well.

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Dr_NegativoReplyan hour ago

Clint and Chuck need to headline a comedy tour called The Kings of Calamity.Edit

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ohgawdReply22 minutes ago

chuck and clint need to do a road show.Edit

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The Silver DERFerReply7 minutes ago

Sounds great to me!

Signed,
Chuck’s beard

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IsThatSoReply2 hours ago

I had no idea that Chuck had a lisp.Edit

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DoctorNeanderthReplyan hour ago

kind of crazy or full on batshit crazy?Edit

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kholaificationsReplyan hour ago

Who knew Chuck Norris was a comedian?Edit

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CaveJohnsonReply57 minutes ago

Gena’s voice is offensive to me. The combination of the timbre and accent is gross to my ears.Edit

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OrionsangelReply15 minutes ago

It’s amazing what having a Black President has done to some White people. They’re doing awareness ads like President Obama is Aids.Edit

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CheeseSandwichReply12 minutes ago

What is it about republicans and blonde haired women with dead eyes?Edit

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OrionsangelReply4 minutes ago

I’m scared. Seriously. If Obama gets elected. Some right wing nutjobs might try and take him out. One of these, Obama wants to take my Freedom or Guns away crazies. I’ll blame Fox News first.Edit

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DuffinReply2 hours ago

Wow, I knew Norris was crazy, but I didn’t realize he was a complete moron. This is a sad day.Edit

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Chuck Norris has lost his marbles! | BlogsCanada.ca