- Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
- Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
- Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for getting laid.
- Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
- Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
- Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
- Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
- Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
- Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
- Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
- Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
- Glibido: All talk and no action.
- Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
- Arachnoleptic! fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
- Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.
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These things were actually stated and recorded by court reporters.
A: No, I just lie there.
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
A: He said, “Where am I, Cathy.”
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at the time?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
Q: None.
A: Were there any girls?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
A: Oral.
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
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