The Ontario government, in their infinite wisdom, have amalgamated a bunch of stuff into what they call “Service Ontario.”

Every town has one, and this is where you go in place of the land registry office, court office,  license bureau etc.

Oh it all sounds good on paper, you can one stop shop for a new drivers license, sue someone, file a brief, put a lien on a house, (or someone’s first born) and a million other things!

I use it to get a title document on a parcel of land after I sell people a solar system for their house! (Don’t ask me why, it’s just one of those stupid things the Ontario Power Authority requires ………….., so I have to do it!)

Now normally I go in and sit myself in front of a land search computer over in the corner, look up the property, add it to my cart and then check out. (Eight dollars)

After this I go to the help desk, give them my eight bucks, they punch a print button,and I’m on my way!

Normally this whole exercise, from the time I park my car, go in and look up the property, pay for it, and then get back to the car, is about 5 minutes…………., TOPS!

This time, however, there was no one at the help desk, so I went over to the main counter where all the clerks were situated, and asked this one woman with a sour look on her face, who I could give my eight bucks to?

You know, so I could get my form printed and be on my way!

Her answer was: “You have to take a number, and wait in line!”

I said to her: “You don’t understand lady, I only want to give someone eight bucks, so that they can press the print button, and I can get out of here!”

NOPE! She was having none of it kids.

The woman kept insisting  I had to take a number and wait…………so after a lot of huffing and puffing,  I went and got number #22.

(Looking at the wall, where a sign said number THREE, (3) and taking into account how fast the line was moving, I figured I had about an hours wait ahead of me!)

I went back to the old broad with the sour look and said, as pleasantly as I could,: “Look lady, I just want to pay my eight bucks and leave……., I don’t want to file any legal papers, I don’t want to renew my license, and I don’t want to sue anyone, I JUST WANT TO PAY MY EIGHT BUCKS AND GET OUT OF HERE!”

No way!

After a bit of further verbal sparring I said to her: “Look MA’AM, in the time you just spent arguing with me, ya could have pushed the damned button a half a dozen times, and I would be on my way!

Needless to say, this was all for naught……, the cunt had me over a barrel!

So…, I sat there fuming for about a half hour until some guy who got tired of waiting came over and gave me his ticket, which saved me a good twenty minutes of wait time.

Here comes the good part boys and girls,  when I finally got to the counter, THE COMPUTER SAID THAT TOO MUCH TIME HAD LAPSED, AND HAD RESET ITSELF!

This meant I had to do another title search, and go back to the desk…, and….., and….., and!

(What happened next, you might ask?)

Let’s put it this way folks, I thank God they didn’t ask me to take another number……, otherwise I would have made the Six O’clock News!