Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
Diplomacy is saying “Nice doggy” until you find a rock.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Back up my hardrive? How do I put it in reverse?
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Seen it all. Done it all. Can’t remember most of it.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
He’s not dead. He’s electroencephalographically challenged.
She’s always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Honk if you love Peace and Quiet.
Pardon my driving, I’m reloading.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficienty talented fool.
Athiesm is a non-prophet organization.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Top 16 Slogans Currently Being Considered for Viagra

  1. Just do her.
  2. We work harder, so you don’t have to.
  3. Ten inches long… and growing.
  4. Viagra, when it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.
  5. Viagra, home of the whopper.
  6. Viagra. Now is a great time to be silver.
  7. Viagra. The quicker dicker upper.
  8. One-a-day, like iron.
  9. Get a piece of the rock.
  10. You’ve come a long way, baby.
  11. Viagra, it plumps when you take ‘em.
  12. Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
  13. Tastes great, more filling.
  14. Viagra, built ram tough.
  15. Here’s the beef!
and the number one slogan being considered by Viagra:
  1. This is your penis. This is your penis on Viagra. Any questions?

35 Truths From Children


Good luck, Tim and Sandra

From a San Diego Father who has identified 35 truths he learned from his children:
  1. There is no such thing as childproofing your house.
  2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
  3. A 4-year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
  4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a Superman cape.
  5. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20′ room.
  6. Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
  7. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up several times before you get a hit.
  8. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
  9. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long ways.
  10. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
  11. When you hear the toilet flush and the words “uh-oh”, it is already too late.
  12. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke–lots of it.
  13. A 6 year-old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
  14. man says it can only be done in the movies.
  15. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
  16. If you use a waterbed as a home plate while wearing baseball shoes, it does not leak. It explodes.
  17. A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq ft house almost 4 inches deep.
  18. Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old.
  19. Duplos will not.
  20. Play-Doh and microwave ovens should never be used in the same sentence.
  21. Super Glue is forever.
  22. MacGyver can teach us many things we don’t want to know.
  23. So can Tarzan.
  24. No matter how much Jell-O you put in the pool, you still can’t walk on water.
  25. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
  26. VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.
  27. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
  28. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
  29. You probably don’t want to know what that odor is.
  30. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
  31. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
  32. The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5-minute response.
  33. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
  34. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
  35. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
  36. A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life.