Dear Readers:
A lot of the ladies are getting tired of having to listen to ‘dick’ jokes on the Internet ……………………………, so today we present “BOOB” jokes!
Q: What is the origin of the word “Boob”?
A: The “B” is the aerial view, the “oo” is the front view, the “b” is the side view.
Q: What do toys and boobs have in common?
A: They were both originally made for kids, but dad ends up playing with them!
Q: What did saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
A: “If we don’t get some support here people are going to think were nuts.”
Q: What kind of bees produce milk?
A: Boobies!
Q: Why did God give women breasts?
A: So men would take to them!
Q: What did the ghost say to the hornets?
A: BOO bees.
Q: What do you call the space in between Pamela Anderson’s breasts?
A: Silicon Valley.
Q: What do you call identical boobs?
A: Identitties.
Q: What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn’t?
A: Her navel.
Q: What did one boob say to the other boob?
A: You’re my breast friend.
Q: Why was the mermaid wearing sea shells?
A: Her boobs were too big for B shells.
Q: Why did God give women boobs and nipples?
A: To make suckers out of men!
What do call the moisture on Dolly Parton’s chest?
Mountain Dew
Q: What do you call that patch of hair between an old ladys tits?
A: Her snatch.
Q: Why did the Blonde have square boobs?
A: She forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
Q: What do you call a girl without boobs?
A: Justin Bieber
Q: Why is a push up bra like a bag of chips?
A: You open it and its half empty
Q: When is the last time most overweight men have touched a breast?
A: In a KFC bucket
——————-
Boy asks his new hot step mother: “What do you feed your baby?”
Step mother: “Milk and orange juice.”
Boy: “Which side is orange juice?”
Young Reporter
A young reporter was having trouble finishing her byline.
The editor specifically told her they can’t print the words breast or boobs.
The young reporter thought long and hard.
Finally he handed the Editor the following report.
“Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her ( . )( . )”
————————–
Boob Size Grades
A —> Almost Boobs
B —> Barely there.
C —> Can’t Complain!
D —> Damn!
DD —> Double damn!
E —> Enormous!
F —> Fake
G —> Get a reduction!
———————
Drunk Blonde
A drunk blonde woman was sitting at a bar says to the barman, “Barfender, I’d like a marhini for my heartburn.”
The barman mixes her drink and puts in down in front of her.
A few minutes later, she calls him over and says, “Barfender, I’d like a marhini for my heartburn.”
He rolls his eyes but mixes her drink anyway and sets it down in front of her.
A few minutes later, she waves him over again and says, “Barfender, I’d like a marhini for my heartburn.”
The barman looks her up and down and says, “First off, it’s bartender, not barfender. Second off, it’s martini, not marhini. And third, you don’t have heartburn, your boob is in the ashtray.”
————————————
Kinds of Boobs
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, ‘Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?
The father, surprised, answers, ‘Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions’. ‘Onions?’ ‘Yes, you see them and they make you cry.’
Elephant & Camel
An elephant asked a camel,”Why are your breasts on your back?”
“Well,” says the camel, “I think that’s a strange question from somebody whose wiener is on his face.
Breast Stroke
A blonde, a red head and a brunette were competing in the Huron River Breast Stroke Championships.
The redhead won and the brunette came in second. However, there was no sign of the final contestant.
Hours and hours went by causing grave concern and worry. Just as everyone was losing hope, the blonde finally arrived.
The crowd was extremely happy and relieved to see her.
They embraced the young girl as she came ashore.
After all of the excitement died down, she leaned over to the judge and whispered, “I hate to be a bad loser, but I think those other girls used their arms.”
——————

Boob IM Icons
Perfect Boobs (o)(o)
Fake Boobs ( + )( + )
Perky Boobs (*)(*)
Big Nipple Boobs (@)(@)
A Cups o o
Wonder Bra Boobs (oYo)
Lopsided Boobs (o)(O)
Grandma Boobs \ o /\ o /
—————————-
If You Could
A farmer is lying in bed with his wife when he turns to her grabs her tits and says “Honey if you could get milk out of these we could sell the cow”.
Then he grabs her pussy and says “Honey if you could get eggs out of here we could sell the chickens”.
She turns to him smiles,grabs his dick and says “Honey if you could get this up I could get rid of your brother”
Boob One Liners
I love you with all my boobs, I would say heart, but my boobs are bigger.
Twin Peaks is just one giant boob joke.
Boobs are like women. Some are big, some are small. Some are real and some are fake. But we’d touch em’ all.
My boobs are having a hard time deciding what they want to be when they grow up
Fake tan. Fake boobs. Fake nails. Fake hair. Tell us again how you want a real man.
My breast intentions keep making a mess of things
If it weren’t for nipples, boobs would be pointless.
Don’t expect a girl to have big boobs & a big ass if you dont have a big wiener
If men can’t focus on two things at once, then why do women have boobs?
My wife was so happy to hear how much I donate to charity…..until she found out Charity works at Hooters.
Having to watch what you eat because you don’t want your tummy to compete with your boobs
Boobs: Proving that guys can focus on two things at once.
Victoria Secrets having a 50% off bra sale…. Too bad I like bras 100% off.
I walked into my sister’s room and tripped on a bra. It was a booby trap.
Why the fuck are bra’s so expensive, all they do is hold boobs, I can do it for free
I think it’s only fair to throw monopoly money at strippers with fake boobs.
Why is it called a training bra what are you training for the 100m breaststroke
Boobs are like the sun. OK to look, but dangerous to stare. But that’s what sunglasses are for.
That awkward moment when you’re reading someone’s shirt & it looks like you’re staring at their boobs.
You’re a boob. Just tittin’ You’re my breast friend.
My girlfriend wanted a boob job for her birthday. So I bought her a bottle of baby lotion and whipped my cock out.
Friends are like boobs, some are small and some are big, some are real, and some are fake.
Boobs are like soda, nobody likes them flat.
I told your boss you quit working at KFC. I didn’t like you touching other breasts, legs and thighs.
My girlfriend said she wants bigger boobs for her 18th birthday. So I got her pregnant.
Men go through 3 stages in life: Drinking from boobs, staring at boobs, and growing boobs.
I’d jog for exercise, but it just feels criminal for my boobs to bounce like that when not having sex.
Gravity apologizes to no one. Especially your breasts.
Boob Hanging Out
A blonde was walking down the street.
A policeman was walking the opposite way. “Hmmm,” he wondered, “It looks as if that lady’s right breast is hanging out of her shirt.”
As he got closer, he realized it was. He approached her. He said, “Ma’am, do you understand your right breast is hanging out of your shirt?”
She replied, “Oh shit. I left the baby on the bus!”
——————————————
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy’s and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, ‘I’d like to buy a bra for my wife.’
‘What type of bra?’ asked the clerk.
‘Type?’ inquires the man, ‘There’s more than one type?’
‘Look around,’ said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable .
‘Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose.’
Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied:
‘There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?’
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, ‘It is all really quite simple… ‘
The Catholic type supports the masses.
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and
The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.
images