Saturday Morning Confusion #93 1/3

Allan's Perspective

                       

                   

Catherine Butler, of Gates N.Y. makes the list of “Loser of the Day” for her confused antics last night.
She was stopped by the cops around midnight for driving home from a Halloween party without her headlights on!
Guess what?
She was also drunk.
Police charged her with DUI and confiscated her car ……., so a friend picked her up and drove her home.

Guess what?

About three hours later she was stopped again for driving a different car without headlights!

Guess what?
She was drunk again……………….. or still!
Guess what?
This time the cops kept her at the station.
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(The old, “slimmer” version of the Crash Test Dummies!)

The Crash Test Dummies are getting fatter so they better represent the expanding waistlines and bigger rear ends of North American drivers.
(Humanetics, one of the leading manufacturers of the dummies in the U.S. and worldwide, developed a new model that better mimics the country’s population. About 35 per cent of North Americans are considered obese.)
“We put into action a new crash test dummy that was representative of that,” Chris O’Connor, the company’s president and CEO, said in an interview. The old dummies were based on statistics from the 1980s, O’Connor said, and represented someone who is 169 pounds with a body mass index of about 25. The new dummy represents someone who is 270 pounds with a body mass index of 35.
“We’re not here to judge,” he said.
(No word on on when to expect their next album!!!!)

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EXTRA, EXTRA: Nigerian extremist group Boko Haram says the more than 200 girls it kidnapped from a school in April are now married.
(The group made the claim as its leader denied stories that it has reached a cease fire deal.)
“We have married them off. They are in their marital homes,” Boko Haram leader Abubakar Shekau said of the girls, in a video that was obtained by Agence France-Presse.
(The Perspective Research Department would like to applaud Boko Haram for its efforts to make “honest women” of them!)
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Here we go again:
Islamic State executed 85 more members of the Albu Nimr tribe in Iraq in a mass killing campaign launched last week to break their resistance to the group’s territorial advances, a tribal leader and security official said on Saturday.
Folks I hate to say this, but being a world renowned psychologist and expert on human nature, I would have to say that these people are irretrievably “broken,” and should be relieved of their suffering immediately upon capture!
In other words, just shoot the sons-a-bitches!
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Gee, and we thought it was just the Americans who were nuts about suing everyone:

Google’s Street View is one of the key features that separated it from other map services. Detailed pictures of how streets actually look helped users get a feel for a place.
But sometimes those pictures get a little too personal.
Gizmodo reports Google had to pay a $2,000 fine after a Street View camera captured a woman’s cleavage. The woman was sitting outside her door when the picture was taken.
She originally claimed that the photo triggered a bout of depression, Gizmodo reports.
A judge disagreed and gave Google a relatively light sentence of $2,250 Canadian dollars, which translates to about $2,000 U.S. dollars.
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If anybody gives a shit, Lindsy Lohan is being sued for $60 million for something or other!
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Amanda Bynes Is Accusing Her Dad of Being A ‘Sexual Predator!’
Again!
Speaking about fucked-up starlets,this shit-storm took less than 24 hours to form after a judge released Amanda Bynes …., even after her doctors said she was “severely ill.”
Here is the latest text from Amanda:

It is not illegal to talk about my personal business.
I am going to court today with my lawyer to prove that I am more than capable of handling my personal life and finances and I am enraged
I got released from the hospital that Sam Lufti and my parents arranged to send me to because my dad is humiliated by what he’s done
I got a 4.0 grade point average at @FIDM and I am fully capable of taking care of myself and my finances and my parents just want to take
The police filed a report against my dad – I am not able to be in the same room with him. He is a sexual predator and he SHOULD BE IN JAIL
I am going to court with my lawyer today to fight my mother and father over control of my personal life and control of my finances
People need to hear the truth about who I really am – I need to show the judge that not only do I not need ANY help making decisions about
My future, I was planning on transferring to NYU, and I was never homeless, I was living in the nicest hotels until I found the right apt in NY
So sorry you’ve been fooled by Sam Lufti and my parents, but they are lying about stealing money from me and i cannot continue to allow them
To abuse me any more !
Thank You everyone, have a great day
Also Love Bugs, I look horrible right now because I had a procedure done under my eyes to remove micro cysts under my eyes, so I need to
Wear a bandage To Court
Sam Lufti is Ugly
jilly is pretty
I hate you
I am crying
I am ug butt
My sister is not as un pretty as me
Like would my mom need to help me take care of myself
My Dad Is UGLY FOOLS

Hey, I’m no expert folks, [sic] but it sounds to me like this woman is suffering from schizophrenia!!!!!!

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