When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits.
When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion,
so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything
was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened
suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was
totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so
dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn’t keep up with her.
She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did
mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted
firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she
divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am older and wiser now, and I am back looking for a girl with big tits.
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A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting. “What’s up?” she asks.
“I’m having a heart attack,” cries the husband.
The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she’s dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says,
“Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Diane is hiding in your closet, and she’s got no clothes on!”
The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, right past her husband,
and rips open the closet door. Sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the closet floor.
“You rotten Bitch”, she screams. “My husband’s having a heart attack, and you’re running around naked scaring the kids!”
———————————————-
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”
————————————————–
Two Nuns
There were two nuns…
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM) , and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It’s logical.. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh , no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It’s not working.
SL: Of course it’s not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too.
SM: So , what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I’ll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical .
Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical ! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL : The only logical thing happened. The man couldn’t follow us both ,so he followed me
SM : Yes , yes! But what happened then?
SL : The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM : And?
SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me
SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh , no! What happened then?
SL: Isn’t it logical , Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.
And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,
I’ll pray for you!
——————————————-
AND FINALLY:
They are referred to as homoslackass-erectus, created by natural genetic downward evolution through constant spineless posturing, and spasmatic upper limb gestures, which new research has shown to cause shorter legs and an inability to ambulate other than in an awkward shuffling gait. The “drag-crotch” shape also seems to affect brain function. Expect no eye contact or intelligent verbal communication. History shows that this species mostly receives food stamps and full government care. Unfortunately most are highly fertile.
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