According to the Bible, Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Palestine.
A country where people are named Mohammed, Abdul, Mounir, Aziz, Ahmed, Farid, Omar, Youssouf, Mouloud, etc.
And yet He managed to find 12 friends called John, Peter, Paul, Phillip, Mark, Thomas, Luke, Mathew, Andrew and Simon …… who all drank wine!
Now that’s what I call a bloody miracle!!!
—————————————————
A father put his 3-year-old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying,
“God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa.”
The father asked, ‘Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?’
The little girl said, “I don’t know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do.”
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this, “God bless Mommy,
God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma.”
The next day the grandmother died.
“Holy crap” thought the father, “this kid is in contact with the other side.”
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, “God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy.”
He practically went into shock. He couldn’t sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was
nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his
watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said, “I’ve never seen you work so late. What’s the matter?”
He said, “I don’t want to talk about it, I’ve just spent the worst day of my life.”
She said, “You think you had a bad day, you’ll never believe what happened to me. This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!”
————————————————–
A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard.
The 6 year old asks, “You know what? I think it’s about time we started learning to cuss.”
The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
The 6 year old continues, “When we go in for breakfast, I’m gonna say something with hell
and you say something with ass.”
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast,
he replies, “Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I’ll have some Cheerios.
WHACK!
He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his
eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step.
His mom locks him in his room and shouts, “You can stay there until I let you out!”
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice,
“And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?”
“I don’t know,” he blubbers, “but you can bet your fat ass it won’t be Cheerios!”
—————————————————
Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy.
There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He’d have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community.
If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they’d have to convert or leave.
The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise rabbi to represent them in the debate. However, as the rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they agreed that it would be a ‘silent’ debate.
On the chosen day the Pope and rabbi sat opposite each other.
The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
The rabbi looked back and raised one finger.
Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.
The rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope brought out communion bread and a chalice of wine.
The rabbi pulled out an apple.
With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy.
Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened.
The Pope said, “First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the bread and wine to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He bested me at every move and I could not continue.”
Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the rabbi how he’d won.
“I haven’t a clue.” the rabbi said. “First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger. Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I told him that we were staying right here.”
“And then what?” asked a woman.
“Who knows?” said the rabbi, “He took out his lunch so I took out mine.”
————————————————————
Our teacher asked me what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.”
She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal’s office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, “Colonel Sanders.”
Guess where the hell I am now!
———————————————————
Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
So, God asked him, “What’s wrong with you?”
Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said, “This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.
“She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you’ve had a disagreement.
“She will praise you!
“She will bear your children, and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.
“She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.”
Adam asked God, “What will a woman like this cost?”
God replied, “An arm and a leg.”
Then Adam asked, “What can I get for a rib?”
Of course the rest is history!
Send to all the men who need a good laugh and the women you think can handle it.
A country where people are named Mohammed, Abdul, Mounir, Aziz, Ahmed, Farid, Omar, Youssouf, Mouloud, etc.
And yet He managed to find 12 friends called John, Peter, Paul, Phillip, Mark, Thomas, Luke, Mathew, Andrew and Simon …… who all drank wine!
Now that’s what I call a bloody miracle!!!
—————————————————
A father put his 3-year-old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying,
“God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa.”
The father asked, ‘Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?’
The little girl said, “I don’t know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do.”
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this, “God bless Mommy,
God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma.”
The next day the grandmother died.
“Holy crap” thought the father, “this kid is in contact with the other side.”
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, “God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy.”
He practically went into shock. He couldn’t sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was
nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his
watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said, “I’ve never seen you work so late. What’s the matter?”
He said, “I don’t want to talk about it, I’ve just spent the worst day of my life.”
She said, “You think you had a bad day, you’ll never believe what happened to me. This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!”
————————————————–
A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard.
The 6 year old asks, “You know what? I think it’s about time we started learning to cuss.”
The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
The 6 year old continues, “When we go in for breakfast, I’m gonna say something with hell
and you say something with ass.”
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast,
he replies, “Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I’ll have some Cheerios.
WHACK!
He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his
eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step.
His mom locks him in his room and shouts, “You can stay there until I let you out!”
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice,
“And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?”
“I don’t know,” he blubbers, “but you can bet your fat ass it won’t be Cheerios!”
—————————————————
Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy.
There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He’d have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community.
If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they’d have to convert or leave.
The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise rabbi to represent them in the debate. However, as the rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they agreed that it would be a ‘silent’ debate.
On the chosen day the Pope and rabbi sat opposite each other.
The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
The rabbi looked back and raised one finger.
Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.
The rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope brought out communion bread and a chalice of wine.
The rabbi pulled out an apple.
With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy.
Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened.
The Pope said, “First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the bread and wine to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He bested me at every move and I could not continue.”
Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the rabbi how he’d won.
“I haven’t a clue.” the rabbi said. “First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger. Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I told him that we were staying right here.”
“And then what?” asked a woman.
“Who knows?” said the rabbi, “He took out his lunch so I took out mine.”
————————————————————
Our teacher asked me what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.”
She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal’s office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, “Colonel Sanders.”
Guess where the hell I am now!
———————————————————
Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
So, God asked him, “What’s wrong with you?”
Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said, “This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.
“She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you’ve had a disagreement.
“She will praise you!
“She will bear your children, and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.
“She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.”
Adam asked God, “What will a woman like this cost?”
God replied, “An arm and a leg.”
Then Adam asked, “What can I get for a rib?”
Of course the rest is history!
Send to all the men who need a good laugh and the women you think can handle it.
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