A woman with a small baby gets on an airplane and sits beside a guy who is very drunk.
The drunk looks over and says: “Jesus Christ lady, that’s the ugliest kid I ever saw!”
The woman, who is outraged, calls the Stewardess and starts to loudly complain.
The Stewardess, attempting to calm the situation, says to the woman: “There, there my dear, the man is obviously drunk and doesn’t know what he is saying. You calm down a bit and I will get you a cup of tea …………., and a banana for you monkey!”
SPEAKING OF MONKEYS………! (What a brilliant segue!)
Police TASER monkey after it attacks children on chocolate-fueled rampage!!!!!!
This picture (top) shows a monkey recovering after being Tasered by police following a chocolate-fueled rampage which saw the animal attack a group of children.
Police in France said they received more than a dozen calls from people in the Castellanne area of Marseille complaining about the primate’s unruly behaviour .
Seems it was on the lose for several days, and being fed a diet of nothing but chocolate from the school kids.
(Apparently the monkey slapped kids who wouldn’t give it more chocolate!)
AND, IN A FOLLOW-UP TO AN ARTICLE WE HAD A FEW DAYS AGO: In a benchmark animal rights case this week, an orangutan who has spent the entirety of her life in zoos has now been declared a “nonhuman person” by a court and will be transferred to an animal sanctuary, Reuters reports.
Sandra, a 29-year-old Sumatran orangutan, was born into captivity in Germany and then sent to a zoo in Buenos Aires, where she has lived for the entirety of her life. The case is expected to set a precedent for further arguments in favor of freeing captive animals with “human qualities.”
Animal rights campaigners filed a habeas corpus petition – a document more typically used to challenge the legality of a person’s detention or imprisonment – in November on behalf of Sandra, a 29-year-old Sumatran orangutan at the Buenos Aires zoo.
In a landmark ruling that could pave the way for more lawsuits, the Association of Officials and Lawyers for Animal Rights (AFADA) argued the ape had sufficient cognitive functions and should not be treated as an object.
Another case that drew some attention earlier this year—the case to grant Tommy the chimpanzee the right to freedom—was thrown out in early December.
AND NOW, SOMEONE WHO IS TRYING TO MAKE A MONKEY OUT OF THE UNITED STATES: Extra, extra, North Korea says it will INVADE the United States, or send them a nasty note……………., or something, for accusing them of being behind the cyber attack that they launched on Sony pictures last week!
The Canadian Press – FILE – In this July 27, 2013 file photo, North Korea’s leader Kim Jong Un waves to spectators and participants of a mass military parade celebrating the 60th anniversary of the Korean War armistice in Pyongyang, North Korea. President Barack Obama is “recklessly” spreading rumors of a Pyongyang-orchestrated cyberattack of Sony Pictures, North Korea says, as it warns of strikes against the White House, Pentagon and “the whole U.S. mainland, that cesspool of terrorism.” (AP Photo/Wong Maye-E, File)
Police say an elf on the sauce is facing drunken driving charges in New Jersey.
Riverdale police tell NJ.com that 23-year-old Brian Chellis was found passed out in a car early Friday morning wearing an Elf on the Shelf costume.
(Santa took a few hours off work and bailed him out later in the day!)
Justin Trudeau is promising to scrap Stephen Harper’s brand of message discipline if he becomes prime minister, giving more freedom to bureaucrats, ditching the scripts for cabinet ministers and making them and himself more accessible to journalists.
Netflix brought your holiday gift early this year: “Pee-Wee’s Playhouse” is now available to stream.
B5KAXv4CYAEA5ALThe company announced via Twitter that all five seasons of the popular kids’ show had hit the site.
(Fortunately, there will NOT be any video’s of Pee-Wee masturbating!)
Boy, things must be tough for journalists in Barrie, Ontario.
Get a load of this latest headline…….!
A Barrie man was charged with impaired driving after being stopped during a RIDE patrol Sunday night.
Boy, the locals might be talking about this for weeks!
(But then again, a cop car hitting a light pole in Ottawa made the news as well. Was it really THAT BORING on the weekend?)

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