Much as it pains me to admit this …………….., I might owe the Ladies an apology!
As you well know, your favourite reporter has ranted and raved for years about how women’s libbers, and feminists, have portrayed men as idiots, and it even got to the point where TV ads showed as guys as being a bit on the stupid side.
(Now, I don’t mean full-retard, but definitely on the slow side!)
Well, there might be something to it after all!
A recent study into the 20-year history of the Darwin Awards, doled out for particularly stupid and unnecessary self-inflicted deaths, found that 90 percent of accolades were given to men.
The awards, first distributed in 1994, draw inspiration from Charles Darwin’s Theory of Evolution, which states that species develop characteristics by self-selectively weeding out members of the community with undesirable characteristics.
In this case, the undesirable characteristics include extreme stupidity and the ability to remove one’s self from the gene pool by performing an unprecedented accidental snuffing.
There have been 332 Darwins awarded since the prize’s inception, but when analyzing the statistics, 14 were ruled out as they were jointly given to men and women – mostly couples trapped in adventurous and compromising positions.
Of the 318 remaining fatal blunders, 282 were awarded to men – a staggeringly high proportion. Just 36 were given to women.
Previous winners of the Darwin Award include a terrorist who opened his own letter bomb.
A thief, who attempted to steal cables from a lift shaft, cut the wires supporting the elevator beneath his feet. Although he plummeted to an untimely end, he earned a posthumous honor.
The extraordinarily high proportion of males killing themselves in banal ways directly supports Male Idiot Theory (MIT), a highly scientific theory which theorizes that men are more accident prone because they are “idiots.”
Dr Dennis Lendrem of the University of Newcastle discussed the definitions of the proverbial male “idiot.” “Idiotic risks are defined as senseless risks, where the apparent payoff is negligible or non-existent, and the outcome is often extremely negative and often final,” he said.
“According to ‘Male Idiot Theory’ (MIT) many of the differences in risk seeking behavior, emergency department admissions, and mortality may be explained by the observation that men are idiots and idiots do stupid things.
“There are anecdotal data supporting MIT, but to date there has been no systematic analysis of sex differences in idiotic risk taking behavior,” he added.
The British Medical Journal said it was “puzzling” that men felt the need to perform such hazardous feats for social status or “bragging rights.”
They made a special mention of the man who lost a testicle by attempting to use a belt-sander as an auto-erotic device. He narrowly missed out on a Darwin Award as he managed to save his crown jewels (or one of them at least), using a stapler.
Lendrem said intelligence levels and alcohol consumption could be to blame.
“Despite these limitations there can be little doubt Darwin Award winners seem to make little or no real assessment of the risk or attempt at risk management. They just do it anyway. In some cases, the intelligence of the award winner may be questioned,” adding that it would be “naïve” to rule out the effects of alcohol.
Lendrem made a special reference to the collective Darwin winners who played a version of Russian roulette, alternately drinking shots of alcohol and standing on unexploded land mines. One of the mines eventually exploded, killing all three men.