Cow Economics
DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has
none.
You feel guilty for
being successful.
Barbara Streisand
sings for you.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has
none.
So?
SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes
one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a
cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes
both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for
hours to get it.
It is expensive and
sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a
bull, and build a herd of cows.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government taxes you
to the point you have to sell both to
support
a man in a foreign country who has only one cow,
which
was a gift from your government.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government takes
them both, shoots one, milks the other,
pays
you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease
it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two
cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised
when one cow drops dead.
You spin an
announcement to the analysts stating you have down
sized
and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike
because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and
drink wine.
Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so
they are one tenth the size of an ordinary
cow
and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel
on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top
of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so
they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
excellent
quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they
also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but
you don't know where they are.
While ambling around,
you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and
learn you have five cows.
You have some more
vodka.
You count them again
and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up
and takes over however many cows you
really
have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows
in Afghanistan,
which are two.
You don't milk them
because you cannot touch any creature's
private
parts.
Then you kill them
and claim a US
bomb blew them up while
they
were in the hospital.
IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes
of their mooing.
POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are
regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk
them.
FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow
and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for
the best looking one.
Some of the people
who like the brown one best, vote for the
black
one.
Some people vote for
both.
Some people vote for
neither.
Some people can't
figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of
guys from out-of-state tell you which is the
best
looking cow.
CALIFORNIAN
You have a cow and a
bull.
The bull is
depressed.
It has spent its life
living a lie.
It goes away for two
weeks.
It comes back after a
taxpayer-paid sex-change operation.
You now have two
cows.
One makes milk; the
other doesn't.
You try to sell the
transgender cow.
Its lawyer sues you
for discrimination.
You lose in court.
You sell the
milk-generating cow to pay the damages.
You now have one
rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow.
You change your
business to beef. PETA pickets your farm.
Jesse Jackson makes a
speech in your driveway.
Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to help
"working cows".
Hillary Clinton calls
for the nationalization of 1/7 of your farm
"for the children".
Gray Davis signs a
law giving your farm to Mexico.
The L.A. Times quotes
five anonymous cows claiming you
groped
their teats.
You declare
bankruptcy and shut down all operations.
The cow starves to
death.
The L.A. Times'
analysis shows your business failure is Bush's fault
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