Allan's Perspective is not recommended for the politically correct, or the overly religious! Some people have opinions, and some have convictions ..., what we offer is Perspective!

(Sometimes I feel like I'm just a bobble-head on the highway of life!)

Sunday, September 6, 2015

Sunday Morning Funnies #4598

Folks, this has got to be one of the funniest jokes I've seen in a long time!

Today's riddle for seniors... Here is the situation:

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.

On your right side is a sharp drop-off.

On your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.

Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it.

Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo.

What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?  

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 Get off the merry-go-round and go home, you silly old fart!


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 The Explanation

Brains of older people are slow because they know so much
 

People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains, scientists believe Much like a computer struggles as the hard drive gets full, so, too, do humans take longer to access information when their brains are full.  

Researchers say this slowing down process is not the same as cognitive decline 

The human brain works slower in old age, said Dr. Michael Ramscar, but only because we have stored more information over time The brains of older people do not get weak. On the contrary, they simply know more.

Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for.  It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature's way of making older people do more exercise.


SO THERE!!

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 Which brings us to THIS little piece:

Subject: Boarding a flight in Israel
  
We should be as smart as the Israelis!!!! ......What a simple and brilliant idea! I particularly like the 'spare' seat announcement!! It's hard to beat Israeli technology!
  
TEL AVIV, Israel - The Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners. It's an armoured booth you step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on your person.
  
Israel sees this as a win-win situation for everyone, with none of this junk about racial profiling. It will also eliminate the costs of long and expensive trials.

You're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter, an announcement: "Attention to all standby passengers, El Al is pleased to announce a seat available on flight 670 to London . Shalom!"
  
BRILLIANT

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WALKING ON THE GRASS 
The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands.
 The instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier.
 Just pace yourself, make sure you have plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."
 "Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her.   In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."
  
The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this vital information. After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand.
 "Yes?" said the Instructor.
 "I was just wondering if it would be all right, if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
 (Brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it? This level of sensitivity can't be taught.)

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AND ONE MORE!