Sunday Morning Funnies # 58

IT'S HILLBILLY AND OLD FOLKS DAY AT PERSPECTIVE!


 These are actual ads seen in ''The Villages'' Florida newspaper.

FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious voluptuous blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6'), Searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus. ----------------------------------------------------   LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, Looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem. ---------------------------------------------------- SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and Meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times. ---------------------------------------------------- WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser, to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy. ---------------------------------------------------- BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes. ---------------------------------------------------- MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together. ---------------------------------------------------- MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932 model, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well.   -------------------------------------      ----------------------------------------- I'LL GET MAIL ABOUT THIS ONE, BUT WHAT THE HELL! HILLBILLY DIVORCE A hillbilly farmer who wanted to get a divorce paid a visit to a lawyer. The lawyer said, 'How can I help you?' The farmer said, 'I want to get one of them dayvorces'. The lawyer said, 'Do you have any grounds?' The farmer said, 'Yes, I got 40 acres.' The lawyer said, 'No, No, you don't understand. Do you have a suit?' The farmer said, 'Yes, I got a suit, I wears it to church on Sundays.' The lawyer said, 'No, no, I mean, do you have a case?' The farmer said, 'No, I ain't got a Case, but I got a John Deere. The lawyer said, 'No, I mean, do you have a grudge?' The farmer said, 'Yes, I got a garudge, that's where I parks the John Deere.' The lawyer said, 'Does your wife beat you up or something?' The farmer said, 'No, we both get up at 4:30.' By now the lawyer is getting frustrated but tries one last question. The lawyer said, 'Is your wife a nagger?' The farmer said, 'No, she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger and that's why I wants a dayvorce' ---------------------------------- An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr.Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1,000." Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr.Geezer's clinic. Dr. Young: "Dr.Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me ??" Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth." Dr. Young: Aaagh !! -- "This is Gasoline!" Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500." Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money. Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything." Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth." Dr. Young: "Oh, no you don't, -- that is Gasoline!" Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500." Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Dr.Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see anything!!!! Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so, here's your $1000 back." (giving him a $10 bill) Dr. Young: "But this is only $10!" Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500." Moral of story -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer"* Remember: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to tick us off. (truer words were never spoken! Eco) Dr. Geezer's Clinic - ENJOY YOUR DAY !!