A wise person once
said:
1.We
all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best
moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.
2.
Having a cold drink on a hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot
friend on a cold night after a few drinks - PRICELESS.
3.
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex any more. A friend of mine was wearing one
when he was shot dead by the woman's husband.
4.
Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between, Heineken, Carlsberg,
& Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is
available.
5.
A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer
than the men who mention it.
-------------------------------
The Business Deal…
A Chinese guy goes into a Jewish-owned
establishment to buy black bras, size 38. The Jewish store keeper,
known for his skills as a businessman,
says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore he has
to charge $50.00 for them.
The Chinese guy buys 25
He returns a few days later and this time
orders 50.
The Jewish owner tells him that they have
become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each.
The Chinese guy returns a month later and buys the store's remaining
stock of 50 and this time for $75.00 each.
The Jewish owner is somewhat puzzled by
the large demand for black size 38 bras and asks the Chinese guy, "...please tell me - what do you do
with all these black bras?"
The Chinese guy answers: "I cut them
in half and sell them as skull caps to Jewish men for $200.00 each
---------------------------------
Two informally dressed
ladies happened to start-up a conversation during an endless wait in Toronto's
Terminal 3 airport.
The first lady was an
arrogant Upper Canadian married to a wealthy business man.
The second was a
well-mannered elderly woman from BelI Island, Newfoundland.
When the conversation
centered on whether they had any children, the Upper Canadian woman started by
saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful
mansion for me."
The lady from Bell Island
commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"
The first woman
continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful
Mercedes-Benz.
Again, the lady
from Bell Island commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"
The first woman
continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this
exquisite diamond bracelet.
Yet again, the Bell Island
lady commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"
The first woman then
asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first
child?"
"My husband sent
me to charm school," declared the Bell Island lady.
"Charm school?"
the first woman cried, "Oh, my Lord! What on earth for?"
The elderly Bell Island
lady responded, "Well as an example, instead of saying, "Who gives a
Fuck?", I learned to say, "Well, isn't that precious . . . .! "
----------------------------------------
While in China , an Australian man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a
condom the entire time he is there.
A week after arriving back home in Melbourne
, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple
spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.
The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some
tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says,
"I've got bad news, you have contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here in this country, we know very little about it. "
The man looks a little perplexed and says, "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc." The doctor answers, "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We are going to have to amputate your penis." The man screams in horror,
"Absolutely not! I want a second opinion! "
The doctor replies, " It is your choice. Go ahead if you want , but surgery is your only option."
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor in Little Bourke Street, figuring that he'll know more about the disease.
The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims,
"Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease."
The guy says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My local GP wants to cut off my penis!"The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs.
"Stupid local docttah, always want opawate. Make more money dat way. No need amputate!""Oh, thank God!" the man exclaims.
"Yes," says the Chinese doctor. "Wait two week. Fall off by itself!"
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says,
"I've got bad news, you have contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here in this country, we know very little about it. "
The man looks a little perplexed and says, "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc." The doctor answers, "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We are going to have to amputate your penis." The man screams in horror,
"Absolutely not! I want a second opinion! "
The doctor replies, " It is your choice. Go ahead if you want , but surgery is your only option."
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor in Little Bourke Street, figuring that he'll know more about the disease.
The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims,
"Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease."
The guy says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My local GP wants to cut off my penis!"The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs.
"Stupid local docttah, always want opawate. Make more money dat way. No need amputate!""Oh, thank God!" the man exclaims.
"Yes," says the Chinese doctor. "Wait two week. Fall off by itself!"
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