Sunday Morning Funnies #68

To whom it may concern: Points to Ponder!

A wise person once said:

1.We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes. 

 2. Having a cold drink on a hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks - PRICELESS. 

3. Condoms don't guarantee safe sex any more. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband. 

4. Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between, Heineken, Carlsberg, & Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.

5. A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

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The Business Deal…

A Chinese guy goes into a Jewish-owned establishment to buy black bras, size 38. The Jewish store keeper,

known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them.

The Chinese guy buys 25

He returns a few days later and this time orders 50.

The Jewish owner tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each.

The Chinese guy returns a month later and buys the store's remaining stock of 50 and this time for $75.00 each.

The Jewish owner is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black size 38 bras and asks the Chinese guy, "...please tell me - what do you do with all these black bras?"

 The Chinese guy answers: "I cut them in half and sell them as skull caps to Jewish men for $200.00 each

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Two informally dressed ladies happened to start-up a conversation during an endless wait in Toronto's Terminal 3 airport. 

 The first lady was an arrogant Upper Canadian married to a wealthy business man. 

 The second was a well-mannered elderly woman from  BelI Island, Newfoundland. 

When the conversation centered on whether they had any children, the Upper Canadian woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me." 

The lady from  Bell Island commented, "Well, isn't that precious?" 

 The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz. 

Again, the lady from  Bell Island commented, "Well, isn't that precious?" 

The first woman continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet. 

Yet again, the  Bell Island lady commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"  

 The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?" 

"My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Bell Island lady. 

"Charm school?" the first woman cried, "Oh, my Lord!  What on earth for?" 

 The elderly Bell Island lady responded, "Well as an example, instead of saying, "Who gives a Fuck?", I learned to say, "Well, isn't that precious . . . .! "

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While in China , an Australian man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in Melbourne , he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. 

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, 
"I've got bad news, you have contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here in this country, we know very little about it. "
The man looks a little perplexed and says, "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc." The doctor answers, "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We are going to have to amputate your penis." The man screams in horror, 
"Absolutely not! I want a second opinion! " 
The doctor replies, " It is your choice. Go ahead if you want , but surgery is your only option."
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor in Little Bourke Street, figuring that he'll know more about the disease.
The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, 
"Ah, yes, Mongolian VD.  Vewy ware disease."
The guy says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My local GP wants to cut off my penis!"The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. 
"Stupid local docttah, always want opawate. Make more money dat way. No need amputate!""Oh, thank God!" the man exclaims.
"Yes," says the Chinese doctor. "Wait two week. Fall off by itself!"