Allan's Perspective is not recommended for the politically correct, or the overly religious! Some people have opinions, and some have convictions ..., what we offer is Perspective!

Consciousness is not a phenomenon of the observable universe. It is that which makes the universe observable. Consciousness is the physical manifestation of God within us!

Friday, 9 December 2016

Old fart jokes

Dear Friends: This was sent in by my buddy Wayne.

He's an old guy but I guess we will all be that sooner or later ....., so it might make sense to remember this!

 As I Grow Older

Since it was such a dreary day, I sat in my recliner and started thinking about life...! I came to realize that as I have grown older I've learned that: Pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake!

Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore, a friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband!

Lance Armstrong... I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved winning 7 Tour de France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike!!

Drive By... Someone broke into my house last week. They didn't take my TV, just the remote. Now they drive by and change the channels. Sick bastards!!!

The Agony of Aging… On the morning that Daylight Saving Time ended I stopped in to visit my aging friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish. I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're supposed to turn your clock back"!!

Video Scam… Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes". Turns out it's all about golf. Absolute waste of money!  Pass this on so others don't get scammed.

Pregnant Prostitute… Doctor asks a pregnant prostitute, "Do you know who the father is?" "Hey dumb ass", she replied, "if you ate a can of beans would you know which one made you fart!"