At one point during a game, the coach
called one of his
9-year-old baseball players aside And
asked,
"Do you understand what co-operation
is? What a team is?"
"Yes, coach", replied the little
boy. "
Do you understand that what matters is
whether we win or
lose together as a team?"
"So," the coach continued,
"I'm sure you know, when an
out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse,
attack the umpire, or call him an asshole.
Do you understand all that?"
Again, the little boy nodded in the
affirmative.
The coach continued, "And when I take
you out of the game
so that another boy gets a chance to play,
it's not a dumb ass decision or that the
coach is a shithead, is it?"
"No, coach."
"Good", said the coach.
"Now go over there and explain all
that to your grandmother.
---------------------------------
Hi Dad. I am coming
home from Australia
to get married soon, so get out your cheque book. I'm in love with a boy who is
far away from me. I am in Australia, and he lives in Scotland. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats
on Whatsapp, He proposed to me on Skype, and now we've had two months of
relationship through Viber. My beloved and favorite Dad, I need your blessing,
good wishes, and a really big wedding.
"Lots of love and
thanks, Your favorite daughter, Lilly .................
My Dear Lilly, Like
Wow! Really? Cool! Whatever. I suggest you two get married on Twitter, have fun
on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon, and pay for it all through Paypal. And when
you get fed up with this new husband, sell him on eBay. Dad
-------------------------------------------
THE SELFLESS IRISH 🍀🍀🍀
The Irish never hesitate to come to the aid of their fellowman..air
passengers, in this case!Shortly after take-off on an outbound, evening Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service.
I don't know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers on board, and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals.
I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience."
When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued,
"Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone
else can eat, will receive free and unlimited drinks for the duration of our 10 hour flight.”
Her next announcement came about 2 hours later:
"If anyone is hungry, we still have 40 dinners available.
----------------------------
AN OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR SHUFFLED INTO TOWN
LEADING A TIRED OLD MULE. THE OLD WOMAN HEADED STRAIGHT FOR THE ONLY SALOON TO
CLEAR HER PARCHED THROAT.
SHE WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCH RAIL. AS SHE STOOD THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER.
THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, SAYING
"HEY" OLD WOMAN HAVE YOU EVER DANCED"
THE OLD WOMAN LOOKED UP AT THE GUNSLINGER AND SAID, "NO, I NEVER DID DANCE... NEVER REALLY WANTED TO."
A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE GUNSLINGER
GRINNED AND SAID, "WELL, YOU OLD BAG, YOU'RE GONNA DANCE NOW," AND
STARTED SHOOTING AT THE OLD WOMAN'S FEET.
THE OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR - NOT WANTING TO GET
HER TOE BLOWN OFF -STARTED HOPPING AROUND. EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING.
WHEN HIS LAST BULLET HAD BEEN FIRED, THE
YOUNG GUNSLINGER, STILL LAUGHING, HOLSTERED HIS GUN AND TURNED AROUND TO GO
BACK INTO THE SALOON.
THE OLD WOMAN TURNED TO HER PACK MULE, PULLED
OUT A DOUBLE-BARRELED SHOTGUN, AND COCKED BOTH HAMMERS.
THE LOUD CLICKS CARRIED CLEARLY THROUGH THE
DESERT AIR. THE CROWD STOPPED LAUGHING IMMEDIATELY.
THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER HEARD THE SOUNDS TOO,
AND HE TURNED AROUND VERY SLOWLY. THE SILENCE WAS ALMOST DEAFENING.
THE CROWD WATCHED AS THE YOUNG GUNMAN STARED
AT THE OLD WOMAN AND THE LARGE GAPING HOLES OF THOSE TWIN BARRELS.
THE BARRELS OF THE SHOTGUN NEVER WAVERED IN
THE OLD WOMAN'S HANDS, AS SHE QUIETLY SAID, "SON, HAVE YOU EVER KISSED A
MULE'S ASS?
THE GUNSLINGER SWALLOWED HARD AND SAID,
"NO MAAM... BUT... I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO."
THERE ARE A FEW LESSONS FOR US ALL HERE:
1 - Never be arrogant..
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with old women; they didn't get old by being stupid...
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with old women; they didn't get old by being stupid...
I JUST LOVE A STORY WITH A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?
No comments:
Post a Comment