Allan's Perspective is not recommended for the politically correct, or the overly religious! Some people have opinions, and some have convictions ..., what we offer is Perspective! (Sometimes I feel like I'm just a bobble-head on the highway of life!)

I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around!

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Sunday Morning Funnies # 79



At one point during a game, the coach called one of his
9-year-old baseball players aside And asked,
"Do you understand what co-operation is? What a team is?"
"Yes, coach", replied the little boy. "
Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or
lose together as a team?"
Image result for grandpa in the stands clipartThe little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an
out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse,
attack the umpire, or call him an asshole.
Do you understand all that?"
Again, the little boy nodded in the affirmative.
The coach continued, "And when I take you out of the game
so that another boy gets a chance to play,
it's not a dumb ass decision or that the coach is a shithead, is it?"
"No, coach."
"Good", said the coach.
"Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother.

---------------------------------
 

Hi Dad. I am coming home from Australia to get married soon, so get out your cheque book. I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me. I am in Australia, and he lives in Scotland. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on Whatsapp, He proposed to me on Skype, and now we've had two months of relationship through Viber. My beloved and favorite Dad, I need your blessing, good wishes, and a really big wedding.
"Lots of love and thanks, Your favorite daughter, Lilly .................


My Dear Lilly, Like Wow! Really? Cool! Whatever. I suggest you two get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon, and pay for it all through Paypal. And when you get fed up with this new husband, sell him on eBay. Dad  

-------------------------------------------

THE SELFLESS IRISH 🍀🍀🍀
The Irish never hesitate to come to the aid of their fellowman..air passengers, in this case!

Shortly after take-off on an outbound, evening Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service.

I don't know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers on board, and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals.

I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience."

When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued,

"Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone
else can eat, will receive free and unlimited drinks for the duration of our 10 hour flight.”

Her next announcement came about 2 hours later:

"If anyone is hungry, we still have 40 dinners available.


----------------------------

 
AN OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR SHUFFLED INTO TOWN LEADING A TIRED OLD MULE. THE OLD WOMAN HEADED STRAIGHT FOR THE ONLY SALOON TO CLEAR HER PARCHED THROAT.


SHE WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCH RAIL. AS SHE STOOD THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER.
 
THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, SAYING "HEY" OLD WOMAN HAVE YOU EVER DANCED"

THE OLD WOMAN LOOKED UP AT THE GUNSLINGER AND SAID, "NO, I NEVER DID DANCE... NEVER REALLY WANTED TO."

A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE GUNSLINGER GRINNED AND SAID, "WELL, YOU OLD BAG, YOU'RE GONNA DANCE NOW," AND STARTED SHOOTING AT THE OLD WOMAN'S FEET.

THE OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR - NOT WANTING TO GET HER TOE BLOWN OFF -STARTED HOPPING AROUND. EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING.

WHEN HIS LAST BULLET HAD BEEN FIRED, THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER, STILL LAUGHING, HOLSTERED HIS GUN AND TURNED AROUND TO GO BACK INTO THE SALOON.

THE OLD WOMAN TURNED TO HER PACK MULE, PULLED OUT A DOUBLE-BARRELED SHOTGUN, AND COCKED BOTH HAMMERS.

THE LOUD CLICKS CARRIED CLEARLY THROUGH THE DESERT AIR. THE CROWD STOPPED LAUGHING IMMEDIATELY.

THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER HEARD THE SOUNDS TOO, AND HE TURNED AROUND VERY SLOWLY. THE SILENCE WAS ALMOST DEAFENING.

THE CROWD WATCHED AS THE YOUNG GUNMAN STARED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND THE LARGE GAPING HOLES OF THOSE TWIN BARRELS.

THE BARRELS OF THE SHOTGUN NEVER WAVERED IN THE OLD WOMAN'S HANDS, AS SHE QUIETLY SAID, "SON, HAVE YOU EVER KISSED A MULE'S ASS?

THE GUNSLINGER SWALLOWED HARD AND SAID, "NO MAAM... BUT... I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO."

THERE ARE A FEW LESSONS FOR US ALL HERE:

1 - Never be arrogant..
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with old women; they didn't get old by being stupid...

I JUST LOVE A STORY WITH A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?