Allan's Perspective is not recommended for the politically correct, or the overly religious! Some people have opinions, and some have convictions ..., what we offer is Perspective! (Sometimes I feel like I'm just a bobble-head on the highway of life!)

I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around!

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Sunday Morning Funnies # 60


Our Amazing Human Body. 


   



It  takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth  to  your stomach.


One  human hair can support 6.6 pounds. 


The  average man's penis is two times the length of his  thumb. 


Human  thighbones are stronger than concrete. 


A  woman's heart beats faster than a man's. 


There  are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet. 


Women  blink twice as often as men. 


The  average person's skin weighs twice as much as  the  brain. 


Your  body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when  you  are standing still.  


If  saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it. 

Women:  will  be finished reading this by now. 

Men:  are  still busy checking their thumbs

I know, me too. Have a nice day!
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Bob the Stud      


The Newfie Stud Bob liked to frequent the Newfoundland beaches, but was never able to attract the girls. He decided to ask his friend George the lifeguard for advice.


"It's dem big baggy swimming trunks, my son. Dey're years outta style. Yer best bet is to grab yeself a pair of Speedos - about two sizes too small, and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em. I'm telling ye, man...ye'll have all de babes ye wants!"

The following weekend, Bob hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, laughing, looking sick!

Bob went back to George the lifeguard and asked him, "What's wrong now?"

"Lard-Tunderin' Jeezus b'y!" said George, "the potato goes in the front!"
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 An older lady went into a bar in Dallas, TX and saw a cowboy with his feet propped upon a table.



He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen.

The old woman asked the man if it's true what they say about men with big feet being well endowed.

The man grinned and said, 'Sure is, little lady. Why don't you come to my apartment and let me prove it to you?'

The older woman considered she might never get an offer like this again and was curious to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him.

The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.

Blushing, he said, 'Well, thank you, I'm really flattered. Nobody has ever paid me for my 'services' before!'

'Don't be flattered' she replied.

'Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit!


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When Norwegian Claus Jørstad had an embarrassing incident in the shower with his newly bought IKEA stool, he decided to share his experience in a humorous Facebook post.

What he didn’t know was that the story would become an internet sensation  Supposedly a true story?

What happened…. Claus Jørstad had a bad knee, so he decided that it would be a good idea to get a stool so he could sit down in the shower.

After looking at different alternatives at IKEA, he decided to go for the “Marius” stool since it was made out of steel and plastic, and was comfy.

But there was one thing that Claus had forgotten about: the stool had 8 small holes in it, something that would soon cause an uncomfortable problem. On his Norwegian Facebook page, he writes about the incident:

_“Once I got home, I put my new piece of furniture in the shower and got in, this time without clothes. I calmly sat down on the stool and soaped up my whole body, including the ‘captain’ and his ‘two sailors’. As you might imagine, the sailors are what dangles between my legs, but since this is a public Facebook post I’ll stick to more flowery language.”_

_“So, when the deck got slippery and the captain and his crew got dizzy from all the foam, they started sliding around like drunk sailors!”_  ]Claus writes, and continues:

_“Then something terrible happened. A sailor unwittingly made his escape and slid down one of the holes in the stool. I didn’t notice at first, but as you know things tend to expand when they are warmed up. And when a sailor gets really hot, then he really expands in size. I didn’t notice this until I tried standing up, only to find that the stool was hanging on behind me, and a searing white pain went through me like lightning. That good-for-nothing sailor was stuck in the hole!”_

_“So there I sat. And sat. I was thinking about my predicament and trying to figure a way out of it. I couldn’t pull up the sailor, and I wasn’t sure if I would be able to push him up from below without having to go to the hospital. So I kept sitting there, pondering,”

But as he was sitting there in the ‘ accidental' trap, the problem started solving itself:

_ Claus continues to write….

_“I sat there until I ran out of hot water – and when the hot water runs out, you get cold, terribly cold.”_  he writes, and continues:

_“Since I started getting cold, I thought about how I could keep warm, so I tried reaching for the hair dryer… and guess what happened?!? The cold had made that damn sailor shrink again, and with a pop I was a free man once more!”_

The honest story made readers double over with laughter, and in just one day he received 25,000 likes and 12,000 shares. On the same day, IKEA wrote an ingenious Facebook comment:

_“Hello Claus. We’re sorry to hear that your crew got in trouble and that the Coast Guard almost had to intervene. We recommend you take this stool out of the shower and put a nice flower pot on it.
If you do decide to keep it in the shower, then make sure that you’re wearing the right clothing for a rough day at sea – we recommend putting on a sou’wester. Have a great day,”_ writes IKEA.

I think this was a great example of someone able to laugh at themselves!

http://www.thelaughbible.com/brings-ikea-stool-shower-now-thousands-laughing-embarrassing-incident/