Sunday Morning Funnies # 9687

 A rancher from a huge cattle station in the Australian outback appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly  Gates.

"Have you ever done anything of  particular merit?" St. Peter  asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the  drover offered.

"Once, on a trip to the back blocks of Broken Hill out in New South Wales I  came across a gang of bikers who were threatening a young sheila. I  told them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't  listen.

So I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the  ground.
Then I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the sh*t out of the lot of  ya!"

St. Peter was very impressed, "When did this  happen?"

"A couple of minutes ago."

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I might be hog-tied and horse-whipped for this but here goes anyway:

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant, and order the 'Chicken Surprise' The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around, before the lid slams back down.

'Good grief, did you see that?' she asks her husband; He hadn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises and he sees two little eyes, looking around before it slams down.

Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.
'Please sir,' says the waiter, 'what you order?' The husband replies, 'Chicken Surprise'.

(You're going to love this, and you're going to hate yourself for loving it!)

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'Ah! So solly,' says the waiter,  'I bring you Peeking Duck by mistake' . . .

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