Sunday Morning Funnies!

It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon.
All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said,
   "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
   "Yes,
    and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
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A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,
   "Two plus five,
     that son of a bitch is seven.
     Three plus six,
     that son of a bitch is nine..."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped,
   "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered,
   "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."

   "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.

   "Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day,
   "What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied,
   "Right now,
     we are learning addition."
The mother asked,
   "And are you teaching them to say two plus two,
     that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,
   "What I taught them was, two plus two,
     THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
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A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,
   "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say,
   "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
   "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
She replied,
   "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
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A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake.
The barber says to her,
   "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."
She says,
   "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."
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The minister started his Children's Sermon with a question,
   "Who knows what a Resurrection is?"    
Without missing a beat a young boy says,
   "If you have one lasting more than 4 hours call your physician."
The pastor is still laughing.
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One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class.
She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.
She read,  ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, 

'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!'"
The teacher paused then asked the class,
   "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said,
   "I think he said:
     'Holy shit! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
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Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to someone else.