Beware a woman scorned!

Dear Friends: The #metoo movement is doing a good thing to raise awareness about spousal abuse, but there is another side to the coin that makes me very uneasy.

Fortunately I have the sort of wife who would never, ever do this sort of thing because she is a moral  woman who leads an exemplary life according to a strict set of principals!

But that's no the case for everyone:

 By Christopher Carlin

In 2017, my wife had me falsely arrested for domestic abuse.

She had actually threatened to do so a month previously; and it put the fear of God into me. So I took the next day off from work, went to court and tried to get a restraining order against her and possibly have her removed from our home.

The judge refused to give me one. He told me that because my wife hadn't PHYSICALLY threatened me, he had no grounds to grant me a restraining order. He did, however, say he would give me a “No Abuse” order, which meant that my wife couldn't threaten me like that again. I told His Honor that if that was all the court was willing to do that day, I'd much prefer to just drop the whole matter, as having my wife served with a ‘no abuse’ order would just make the situation worse. But he said he'd already begun writing out the order, and was going to give it to me anyway. He then wished me good luck and good day.

There was a court advocate who had assisted me with the restraining order paperwork, and gone with me before the judge. She was a very sweet girl, and when we got outside the courtroom, she said to me, “Christopher…I think the court really let you down today. And I'm sorry it worked out that way.” 

I said, “Yes, the court has really let me down today. And I GUARANTEE YOU that sometime within the next few months, my wife is going to have me THROWN IN JAIL.” And she said, “Well…I sure hope that doesn't happen. Good luck, Christopher, and I hope everything works out for you.”

And indeed, the ‘No Abuse’ order did in fact make things worse…MUCH worse. The whole situation became incredibly uncomfortable and hostile, and my wife and I got to the point where we really hated each other. But I refused to flee my own home. (Although in looking back on it, that probably would have been the wisest course of action. But hindsight’s always 20/20).

And just as I had predicted, about a month after I tried to get the restraining order… she had me arrested.

We had been arguing that evening and said some really nasty things to each other, and then she left our apartment and went across the hall to a girlfriend's. I thought it was all over.

Ten minutes later a police car pulled up in front of our building, lights flashing.

I knew immediately my wife must have called them, but deep down I guess I really didn't believe my wife would be sadistic enough to have me arrested, inasmuch as I had never been anything but good to her.

I was wrong.

Two officers came in, asked me what was going on. I said, “Nothing’s going on, and I have no idea why you guys are here.” They asked, “Has there been an altercation between you and your wife?” I said, “No. Just an argument. Just words. Is this a noise complaint?” They ignored that query and asked, “Where's your wife?” I told them, “I believe she's right across the hall at a friend's.” “Okay”, they told me, “stay here while we go speak to her.” “No problem”, I replied.

They went across the hall and were there for TWENTY MINUTES.

And I knew something must be going on; because it doesn't take twenty minutes to tell two cops that we'd just had an argument and that everything was fine.

I knew she must be inventing some kind of major bullshit story for them.

And sure enough, when the officers returned twenty minutes later, they told me to stand up and put my hands behind my back, as they were placing me under arrest for domestic violence.

“Domestic VIOLENCE??”, I said. “WHAT ‘violence’?? I NEVER LAID A FINGER ON MY WIFE. It was a simple verbal argument!”

They said, “Well…she's saying differently. And we're placing you under arrest.” “What did she say?”, I asked. “She claimed I put my hands on her?”

They ignored those questions (and pretty much anything else I asked or said) and proceeded to handcuff me and bring me to the police station. I found out the next day that she'd told them I had ‘grabbed her by the hair and thrown her to the floor.’ Which, please believe me, was a complete and total fabrication. An utter invention on her part. I've never hit a woman in my life or treated a woman in any such fashion. NEVER.

I spent 18 days in jail (which was really awful). I'd just gotten paid the night my wife had me arrested, and had $800 cash on me, but the bailbondsman set my bail at $1500, because I had a DUI from 16 years ago and one other minor charge on my record, and because domestic violence is taken so seriously here in the Bay State (which it should be, of course…unless you happen to be innocent).

I knew I could get the bail reduced, which I did, but I had to sit in jail for 18 days before I could get in front of a judge again and get my bail lowered to $500, and spring myself, which I did.

Of course, my wife had immediately requested a restraining order against me, which was granted (for ONE YEAR), so when I walked out of the jail I was essentially homeless.

She'd also done such an excellent job of portraying me as an evil monster and claiming she was in such fear of her life from me that the court only granted my release on condition that I be fitted with an ELECTRONIC ANKLE BRACELET that would monitor my movement and make sure I stayed away from my own home, and my wife.

My friends did all they could to help me, but the winter of 2017-18 was the worst time of my life. I had to plug the fucking ankle bracelet in every night for 2 hours to charge it. Half the time I never knew where I'd be staying that night, and because my two best friends lived very close to where my wife and I had lived, I was unable to stay with them for fear of setting the ankle bracelet off, although I would have been more than welcome at either of their homes. I wound up spending more than a few nights at the local homeless shelter, which was only a slight improvement over prison.

I was forced to shell out a ton of dough for an attorney, court costs, bail, etc.

And eventually, I had to plead out, because, although there was absolutely NO physical evidence that I had assaulted my wife, no photos of bruises, black eyes, or anything even remotely like that, my lawyer told me; “Christopher, you have a good case and I'm ready to go to trial with you on this. But, as you're paying me to protect your best interests, I must tell you that, if your wife is willing to get up on the witness stand and lie like a trooper and cry and pull all the stops out…this whole thing could go south on you.

If the jury believes her story, of course they'll bring in a guilty verdict. And if that happens, I MAY be able to avoid jail time for you…but maybe not. Domestic violence is taken very seriously here in Massachusetts, and you could well up wind up doing 6 months or more if found guilty. I'm willing to do whatever you want, but it might be in your best interests to just plead out, avoid jail time and walk away from this whole miserable mess. I know you're innocent…but it might be the best course of action for you.”

What would you have done?

So as I said, I did indeed end up pleading out (jail was so hideous I wasn't even willing to RISK a possible return to it, even if the chance of that happening was 50/50 or less; who knows what a jury may do or believe?), and am now a convicted felon.

Aside from the $5,000 I paid for my lawyer, I must shell out another $2,000 for “Anti-domestic violence classes”, which nonsense I must sit through every Tuesday night for 2 hours for the next THIRTY EIGHT WEEKS, and I'm also doing Community Service at a local food bank to pay for some of my court costs and probation fees. But there are other court costs that cannot be worked off by Community Service and must be paid out of pocket; these will come to about another $350.

So essentially, my wife has made me homeless, nearly ruined me financially, and has tarnished my legal reputation permanently. Even as I write this, she sits in the apartment we lived in, watching MY flat-screen tv, sleeping in MY king-sized bed, and relaxing on all MY furniture. And for 4 or 5 months, the court forced me to pay the utilities there and also her cell phone bill.

I'm 57 years old and have been through some shit, but this past year has truly been a living hell; and I don't exaggerate when saying that. I came VERY close to just giving up and hanging myself. I never would have survived without the help of my friends, and will always be grateful to them; many times they really went above and beyond for me.

I'm in a new apartment, and it's a dump, but I'm grateful to have it. And my landlord has promised to move me to better accommodations in a nicer building across the street sometime soon.

My wife tried to destroy me…but she failed. Because I'm still here and still alive, and have managed to pick up the pieces.

But at great cost. Physically, mentally, emotionally and financially. My credit's been destroyed. My hair has gone gray. I lost 35 pounds over the course of this year, and nearly developed an ulcer. I felt miserably ill for months. My car was repossessed, and I now take public transportation everywhere.

I won't go into what an evil harpy my wife is, a piece of human trash, etc., etc., etc.

But I've often asked myself; HOW does my wife SLEEP at night?

How does she live with what she's done to me? Knowing she had me imprisoned on a false charge? Having full knowledge of what she did to my life?

I can honestly say that I could NEVER, EVER do to someone what my wife's done to me, not in a million years; no matter HOW angry or upset I was. I simply don't have that kind of vindictiveness in me.

She goes to this kooky spiritualist church twice a week, and I guess she thinks that makes her a good person, and okay with God.

Unfortunately, my story is a sadly common one here in Massachusetts (or “Missachusetts”, as men here often call it, with good reason).

And unfortunately, women here seem to do what my wife did to me alot. They know how the law works, and they know they can have a man arrested at the twitch of their little finger, and solely upon their WORD.

I've learned something about women. And what I've learned is; if a woman feels you've done her wrong or disrespected her or made her unhappy in some way, she will go over the top in ways most men NEVER would. Because I think most men…most PEOPLE, in fact, …understand that there are certain things you're not entitled to do to other people and in fact shouldn't do, because it's morally wrong and reprehensible; screw with their livelihood, bear false witness against them, throw them in jail, destroy their lives or reputations. But ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.’

And when the fairer sex feel they've been wronged, it seems to me that all bets are off the table, and they're willing to do ANYTHING to get what they perceive to be even, and as far as they're concerned it's totally justified and you're just getting what's coming to you.

Women can be dangerous and unstable…and incredibly vindictive, is what I've learned.

And that's the worst thing a woman can do to a man; and certainly the worst thing that a woman's ever done to me.

But I’ve survived, you hateful bitch.

And I'm still fucking here.

Like I said folks, this is the other side of the coin and frankly, it scares the shit out of me!

The way I see it anyway!