Hangers and socks!

When it comes to trouble between husbands and wives it's never the big things that lead to divorce and murder............ it's the little things!

I'm sure I have my faults and idiosyncrasies, (even though I can't for the life of me think of what they'd be) but I sure know what it is about the Mrs. Herself that drives me up the wall.

Not only that, but these irritants seems to go in cycles and no two of them ever overlap.

It's always one after the other with no break in between to give me a breather.

A few months ago it was the case of the missing clothes, with special emphasis on socks and underwear.

I had started to notice that my cupboards were VERY slowly starting to get a bit empty and couldn't figure out why, until I sat down one day and conducted a full scale investigation.

First thing on the list was a gradual decline in the number of pants and shirts in my wardrobe and upon questioning the usual suspects (The Mrs. Herself) it was discovered that she was on a "let's simplify our lives" kick and anything I hadn't worn in 6 months or that I was waiting to "lose a few pounds to get back into it" was slowly disappearing without my knowledge.

It seems that Goodwill and the Salvation Army were recipients of some of my favorite pieces of clothing, and the only way I found out about it was when I saw one of my favorite shirts walking around downtown!

Putting two and two together I questioned "The Wife" who said that I was never going to use them again anyway, so they might as well be put to good use!

After a long and heated debate, I got it through to her that she was not to give my stuff away without telling me and thought that was the last of it!

Silly me!

A few weeks later I mysteriously started to run out of underwear and socks faster than my internal clock told me I should, and a further investigation led to the discovery that I only had about half the stuff I thought I should have.

After another "emergency session" of the security council I found out that any piece of clothing that was getting the least bit frayed or faded or shabby was being thrown out in the garbage.

Once again, all in the name of simplifying our lives, you see!

When I asked her about the giving stuff away thing, her reply was; "Well I didn't give it away, I threw it out!"

O.K. Seems I'm not only on a downward slope, but also in a no win situation!

After replenishing my supply and issuing further instructions to leave my stuff alone I thought that was the end of it!

Boy was I wrong.

A few days ago I started to experience a severe hanger shortage and couldn't for the life of me figure out where they were going. It was weird, I would take a pair of pants off a hanger in the morning and that night when I went to hang them up again, there were no empty hangers in the whole closet!

Once again we paid a visit to the usual suspects and I was told that she was trying to keep my cupboard neat and when there was an empty hanger to be seen she took it and put it out in the hall closet with all the other empty hangers.

By not telling me about this latest development I spent a good deal of time looking on the floor and the back of the cupboard for the missing hanger that I had an encounter with that very morning.

Made me start to think there was a hanger thief on the loose.

Yes, I'm definitly in a "No win" situation here!

(By the way, if you have ever wondered how those orphan socks get in the wash, the Perspective research department has discovered that the clothes dryer sometimes generates a static field that zaps a sock into another dimension, and when it comes back it does so as an extra hanger in the closet. That's why you never have enough socks and too many hangers!)

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available as an E-Book H E R E ! and as a paperback H E R E !

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://allans-perspective.blogspot.com