Allan's Perspective is not recommended for the politically correct, or the overly religious!

(Sometimes I feel like I'm just a bobble-head on the highway of life!)

Wednesday, December 7, 2016


Dear Friends:

Ever wonder just how popular your favourite sexual fantasies are? (Most popular at the top!)



And we all fall (bow) down!

Dear Friends:  

Just received this headline and thought you should see it: Fr. Robert J. Spitzer SJ claims to offer overwhelming evidence for the existence of God. 

Image result for hip jesusNow the only real evidence he offers is the claim that he has overwhelming evidence and nothing more! 

Here's why!

He claims that the Shroud of Turin is real and not a fake. 

Again no actual evidence, just a statement of 'fact' [sic]

Now, since the Shroud is real that proves the existence of Jesus, and by default all the miracles and even the claim that he was the son of God!

Doesn't make much sense to me, but apparently sounds just about right for a whole bunch of people! And that's why ya can't argue with a religious person. (Or a German)


Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Maybe games of chance aren't really games of chance!

Dear friends:

After playing literally thousands and thousands of games of 'Free Cell' on my computer over the years, there is something about the law of probabilities that just doesn't seem right.

After playing a few hundred games I notice that my percentage of wins does not conform to what you should expect as a "percentage of wins."

What I mean by this is that the game, if played carefully, should give you a win percentage of about 66%, or two thirds of all the games you played in that session of a few hundred games!

The reality of the matter is that your win percentage can vary from the high fifties to the high seventies over a session, and this means that there are long periods of 'winning.' and other long periods of 'losing' that affect the percentages you are producing.

If you keep in mind that flipping a coin results in a 50 / 50 split fairly quickly (like within ten or twenty games) then I have to wonder why Free Cell, which is a lot more complicated, can skewer the percentages over hundreds of games.

Maybe it's just me, but it seems like something fishy is going on here!!!!


There's something fishy going on off the cost of Ireland too, kids!

Local residents are starting an add campaign to lure U.S. citizens to re-locate
there if they are afraid of what Donald Drumpf will do during his stint as U.S. President.

Now back the truck up a bit folks ......., I was under the impression that Canada had first right of refusal concerning these draft dodgers, economic refugees, sensible people and to put a stop to this practice of offering them asylum at once!

To make sure they comply, I would recommend that we immediately invade the Island and annex it as Canadian territory!!


Here's one other quick note that you might find interesting ......,  or not!

Much of the headline-grabbing research about chimpanzees, humans’ closest animal relatives, is framed in terms of how good chimps are at doing things we do. Well, here’s a new finding on something those great apes trounce us at: Recognizing each other’s butts.

(I don't know what the big deal is folks, I know lots of guys who can identify a particular woman's butt from as far as two blocks away!)


Monday, December 5, 2016

Who made this mess!

Dear Friends:

Your much maligned and often confused author got this in the mail today, and it generally sums the whole mess we called the U.S. election!
It was the voters. Many conservatives voted because they had legitimate grievances with various policies or legislation or the character of the other candidate. But this was not a campaign of competing ideologies. It wasn’t income taxes vs. capital gains. Or stimulus vs. trickle down. Or even terrorism or immigration enforcement. This was not a spirited conversation on the finer points of effective governing.
The only fine points in this election were pitchforks and torch fire. Let us take these voters at their candidate’s word: they don’t like non-white people very much. They don’t like non-Christian people very much. They don’t like non-heterosexual people very much. They don’t like non-middle-or-upper-class people very much. They don’t like non-American people very much. They don’t like non-male people very much, even their own. They are outrage with a universal adapter. They are an intersexual, pansexual grudgefuck. They were a disaster waiting to happen and someone to happen to. They were a warhead of deplorables and their candidate bucked and bronco’d them all the way down. StumbleUpon

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Sunday Morning Comin' Down Funnies!

Dear Friends:

A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it.
 He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"
"Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus."
The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?"
"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."
So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10 which he stuffs into the jar.
"Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do:
 First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds or less, and you can't make a face while doing it."
"Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands."
"Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex. You have to take care of that problem."
The man is stunned!
 "I know I paid my $10 -- but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those other things!"
 "Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is."
 As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, "Where's the damn tequila?!"
 He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can. Tears stream down both cheeks -- but he doesn't make a face -- and he drinks it in 58 seconds!
Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole.
Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight -- then nothing but silence!
 Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar. His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body.
 He drunkenly says, "Now..., where's that old woman with the bad tooth?"