Allan's Perspective is not recommended for the politically correct, or the overly religious! Some people have opinions, and some have convictions ..., what we offer is Perspective! (Sometimes I feel like I'm just a bobble-head on the highway of life!)

I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around!

Thursday, September 21, 2017

This ain't no flat cat, but it's close!

Dear Friends: "Let's get things back into perspective here!"

It's a sad day for weather prognosticators, folks.

First there was Punxsutawney Phil, who heralded the arrival of spring down there in Pennsylvania every year, and then we have Wiarton Willy up here in Ontario.

Well, it is with a heavy heart that we announce the passing of Willy due to seeing a shadow one too many times kids! (It was the shadow of a truck that was about to lay him flat.)

Fortunately Phil had an understudy named "Wee Willy" and he will be providing forecasts of the arrival of spring from now on.

Rest in peace, Phil!

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Say What?

Dear Friends: Hurricanes, Earthquakes and Trump ....., all in one day!

(Give me a break!)

The day we didn't have to kiss our ass goodbye!

Dear Friends: "Let's get things back into perspective here!"

Although he died last May, the folks over in Russia didn't announce his death until yesterday and this guy should be commemorated as one of the greatest heroes in the history of the human race because you and I and a big percentage all the people on this planet owe our very existence to him!
Stanislav Petrov was a lieutenant colonel in the Soviet Union's Air Defense Forces, and his job was to monitor his country's satellite system, which was looking for any possible nuclear weapons launches by the United States.

He was on the overnight shift in the early morning hours of Sept. 26, 1983, when the computers sounded an alarm, indicating that the U.S. had launched five nuclear-armed intercontinental ballistic missiles.

"The siren howled, but I just sat there for a few seconds, staring at the big, back-lit, red screen with the word 'launch' on it," Petrov told the BBC in 2013.

It was already a moment of extreme tension in the Cold War. On Sept. 1 of that year, the Soviet Union shot down a Korean Air Lines plane that had drifted into Soviet airspace, killing all 269 people on board, including a U.S. congressman. The episode led the U.S. and the Soviets to exchange warnings and threats.

Petrov had to act quickly. U.S. missiles could reach the Soviet Union in just over 20 minutes.

"There was no rule about how long we were allowed to think before we reported a strike," Petrov told the BBC. "But we knew that every second of procrastination took away valuable time, that the Soviet Union's military and political leadership needed to be informed without delay. All I had to do was to reach for the phone; to raise the direct line to our top commanders — but I couldn't move. I felt like I was sitting on a hot frying pan."

Petrov sensed something wasn't adding up.

He had been trained to expect an all-out nuclear assault from the U.S., so it seemed strange that the satellite system was detecting only a few missiles being launched. And the system itself was fairly new. He didn't completely trust it.

Arms control expert Jeffrey Lewis recalled the episode in an interview last December on NPR:

"[Petrov] just had this feeling in his gut that it wasn't right. It was five missiles. It didn't seem like enough. So even though by all of the protocols he had been trained to follow, he should absolutely have reported that up the chain of command and, you know, we should be talking about the great nuclear war of 1983 if any of us survived."

After several nerve-jangling minutes, Petrov didn't send the computer warning to his superiors. He checked to see if there had been a computer malfunction.

He had guessed correctly.

"Twenty-three minutes later I realized that nothing had happened," he said in 2013. "If there had been a real strike, then I would already know about it. It was such a relief."

Stanislav Petrov, 'The Man Who Saved The World,' Dies At 77

Petrov faced reprimand by the Soviet military. Officially, he failed to document the crisis well enough. According to Petrov, “I had a phone in one hand and the intercom in the other, and I don’t have a third hand.” He left the military a year later to work for the research institute responsible for the early warning system that made him famous.

Petrov received numerous awards years later once his story became known including a 2004 World Citizen Award with a trophy and a $1,000. It almost seems comical that he received a simple $1,000 check for his great act of skepticism, if we think in terms of the people he saved having netted him perhaps $.000002 a soul. Given the likelihood that I would not have existed given this man’s intervention, I’d be willing to donate a few bucks of my own to a gofundme for the guy if given the chance.

Stanislav Petrov passed away in May of this year at the age of 77, reminding the world of an awesome story of almost unrestrained force brought to the brink of worldwide annihilation if not for the presence of a few good actors acting on their reason to avert disaster. He would have never been the person that the Soviets would have asked permission to commit the greatest human disaster in all of history, perhaps ever, but he ended up being a fail-safe against it anyway. That said, it is a lesson on why such great power requires disbursement among many people and the need for those people to be moral, reasoned, and accountable to more than themselves to prevent the next great human catastrophe.
Someone should declare a world-wide day of remembrance for this guy!

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Kiss you ass goodbye on Saturday?

 Dear Friends: "Let's get things back into perspective here!"

Mark it in your calendar, folks: The world is going to end on Saturday. At least, that's according to David Meade, a numerologist who has predicted that the end times will begin on September 23. Needless to say, we're not holding our breath.

Meade takes his inspiration from the Bible's Book of Revelations, specifically Revelation 12:1–2, which reads:
A great sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet and a crown of twelve stars on her head. She was pregnant and cried out in pain as she was about to give birth.
Meade interprets this passage as referring to the constellation of Virgo, which is often depicted as a woman. Currently, Virgo advances through the sky ahead of the moon, and with the sun. Ahead of the constellation are the nine stars of Leo, along with the planets Mercury, Mars, and Venus. Meade believes these stars and planets are the "crown of twelve stars" in the prophecy.

(Meade says he's not actually predicting that the world will end immediately on Saturday. In an interview with the Washington Post, Mead says, "The world is not ending, but the world as we know it is ending" on September 23. "A major part of the world will not be the same by the beginning of October.")

Monday, September 18, 2017

Thar she blows!

Dear Friends: "Let's get things back into perspective here!"

Just in case you're thinking of going down to the Caribbean to do a bit of looting or sightseeing, we just got this message from our conscientious Canadian government:

"Ottawa warns against 'all travel' to parts of Caribbean as Hurricane Maria nears!" (And after that blows thru there are a couple more right behind it!)

(This guy is even dumber than those people who pull a vending machine down on top of themselves!)

Sunday, September 17, 2017

If I ruled the world # 15.

Dear Friends: "Let's get things back into perspective here!"

The United States seems to be in one unholy mess right now and I have suggested in other articles that we get rid of lobbyists, take money from the military and use it for infrastructure, get universal health care etc. etc.

But, one thing we haven't touched on yet is the very core of the American Political System and how it needs to be changed!

Oh, I realize that it is dysfunctional and the two party system puts politicians at odds with each other  when their main purpose is to oppose any ideas or legislation put forth by the opposition, (This is a self inflicted wound perpetrated by dishonest an corrupt politicians, folks) so my solution is rather simple ......, yet elegant! (Simple and elegant is always the best way to do anything kids!)

Keep your Democrat and Republican Parties, as well as your Senators and Congressmen,  (Congresspersons!) but make the candidates for President completely Independent!

Yup, keep them above the fray and let them negotiate the best deals they can when elected  by appealing to both the Left and the Right to see if they can form some sort of consensus!!

The way I see it anyway!

Sunday Morning Funnies # 54656

Why Teachers Drink or better yet, what will the world be like in 20 years?

The following questions were set in last year's GED examination These are genuine answers (from 16-year-olds)

Q. Name the four seasons
A.. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. How is dew formed
A.. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A.. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)

Q... What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A.. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U (wtf!)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. (That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.
(Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head. Once a Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head.

And finally:

Everyone knows about the traffic jams in Los Angeles, but I bet not may people outside of Canada know about the traffic jams on the 401 in Toronto:

(Now I'm not saying that this is necessarily a good thing, just noteworthy.)

Saturday, September 16, 2017

Which famous person do you find repulsive?

Dear Friends: "Let's get thing back into perspective here!"

Oh, we got lots of letters on this one kids, from famous to infamous celebrities and public figures, but there is one guy who takes the cake!

Allan: Donald Trump.

Theoretically, I should really like him. He is a child of an immigrant, married to an immigrant. Entrepreneur. An American. A father. A character.
Yet, I find him completely repulsive. For his bigotry, misogyny, vulgarity. But, more importantly, for what his election really means for our country.

I know I know you're tired of hearing it, but here's the thing, though many disagree on policy Trump has said or done horrible things that any sane person regardless of your politics would agree should've gotten him disqualified.

I will never ever call him “President”. You see my disdain for this sack of shit goes deeper than politics (though I disagree tremendously there too) he's a degenerate. If Rubio, Bush, Cruz, or Kasich had been elected I'd disagree with their politics but none are as morally disgusting as Trump.
Here's a list of the despicable things this piece of shit of human being has done.
  1. Ran a fake University called “Trump University” that was textbook fraud and conned many hardworking Americans out of money. He even used known conman to teach the classes. How this wasn't enough to disqualified him based of character I will never know. On this note.
  2. Blatant racism. He said that the Mexican judge who was the judge of his Trump U case was not impartial because he was Mexican and so he'd not be impartial no matter what. So due to the guys race he can't make a logical and rational decision. But if he was white he could, right Donnie? He even called a black man “my African American” what do you mean “my” I've never heard you call your white supporters “my Caucasian- American” or “my white American”. Because it sounds stupid as hell, and subtly racist. His Charlottesville response pretty much showed what he thinks of race.
  3. Pedophila. Yes you heard that right, he looked at two 14 year olds and said “Wow. I'll be dating you in a few years” he also made a similar comment with a ten year old. Even if they were jokes they're sick jokes and they're been claims he's fooled around with underage girls before that make sound it a little more believable.
  4. Blatant sexism. He's said you “gotta treat women like shit”. He's been accused of sexual assault and the tape of him admitting it has confirmed it. He's gone as far to attack women for purely gender reasons saying Hillary got “schlonged” for you who don't know “schlong” means penis in a vulgar way. He's claimed a reporter he allegedly sexually assaulted “wasn't attractive enough” to sexually assault he's even called his own daughter a piece of “ass” on the Howard stern show. He sees women purely for their looks. If you don't believe me, why'd he disparage Heidi Klum saying she wasn't a “10” anymore.
  5. Blatant Hypocrisy. How many times did he criticize Obama for his vacation time. Trump has vacationed half of his fucking presidency it seems. He's gone as far as to almost bankrupt the secret service because of all his trips. He's gotten zero pieces of legislation passed that matter yet goes on vacation, vacation from what!?
  6. Insulted our veterans. This one really boils my blood. I don't agree with John McCain on much but now dare that chickenhawk trump say McCain is a loser for getting caught. While McCain was fighting for his country in a green hell (jungles of Vietnam) trump was living it up partying in NYC. On top of this he raised money for veterans and no one ever got the money he raised, he planned on running with the money until reporters started investigating. Yes he's that despicable. Lastly he attacked a Gold Star family. He said his businesses the work he did was the same amount of sacrifice as what the family lost when their son died.
I could literally keep going for a while, about his Islamophobia, profound ignorance on the issues, crudeness, authoritarian tendencies, etc. The point is this man is morally, and intellectually unfit for the office of the Presidency.

Saturday Morning Confusion: What's in a name?

Dear Friends: "Let's get thing back into perspective here!"

Living here in London, Ontario is idyllic in many ways including reasonable house prices, a great cultural and entertainment scene, less traffic than the really big cities like Toronto, (we only get a morning and afternoon rush hour, not all day) and most of all a pace and quality of living that is still sane and reasonable.

Where I run into problems is that this morning the guy on the TV announced that the London bomber had been captured and we could all relax a bit!

Wait! What bomber?

Yes, I know we had that guy from Strathroy who was coming here to London to blow some stuff up last year (he didn't make it) but I didn't know anything about the new guy until I realized once again that people were referring to London, ENGLAND, not London, ONTARIO!

Ever since we moved here from Sarnia I have been getting confused about these two cities in England and Canada and I think it's high time we changed the name of one of them! (Preferably London, England.)

The way I see it anyway!

Friday, September 15, 2017

Six degrees of separation?

Dear Friends: "Let's get things back into perspective here!"

Who and what your relatives are has always confused me and as a result I don't understand who is a second cousin or great uncle or even a step son vs a half brother.

With this in mind you will understand why I consider this story to be mystifying, if not downright weird!

I will start at the beginning,  my wife had a good friend and neighbour called Francine who lived right beside her when she still lived in Sarnia. Francine has since moved out around Bellevile or the Picton area and we moved here to London.

Got it so far? OK!

When we moved here the wife made friends with a woman called Joan who was originally from Toronto.

Now that we have all the players (My wife, Francine, Joan) located and set in their various areas of the province, we also have two young women from the Philippines who worked together in Delhi Ont. when they first came to Canada.

Now it gets interesting folks.

When the girls moved on they settled in different parts of the province and met two guys called Andrew and Michael. As fate would have it they all got married and the four of them became best friends ......., and this where it gets interesting folks.

Andrew is Francine's son and Michael is Joan's son, so each of the couples knew both Francine and Joan, but Francine and Joan didn't know each other ................., except my wife knew them both.

I don't even know how this whole thing got discovered except that both my wife, and Francine, and Joan, like nothing better than to do a whole bunch of yakking, so this little bit of information gradually revealed itself,  even though it still totally confuses me!

The way I see it anyway.

P.S. I hope this whole thing makes sense because I still don't fully understand it except that I think there is now some sort of a reunion planned!!