'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million Dollars, and then ask your brother if he would sleep with Brad Pitt for a Million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.'
So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!'
The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?'
The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' 'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know what a million bucks would buy?'
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his Dad.
His dad then asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?'
The boy replied, 'Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three Million dollars.
But 'realistically', we're living with two hookers and a homo.'
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A Newfoundlander goes into a Tom Horton's Donut Shop in Gander, Newfoundland and notices there's a "Roll Up The Rim To Win" Contest going on.
So, he rolls up the rim of his coffee cup and starts screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home!"
The girl at the counter says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a car."
But the person keeps on screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home!"
Finally, the manager comes over and says, "I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't have possibly won a motor home because we didn't have that as a prize!"
The person says, "No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motor home!" And they hand the Cup to the manager and HE reads:
"W I N A B A G E L"
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THIS EXPLAINS THE PROBLEM WITH RELIGION AND HOW WE HUMANS SCREW IT UP ALL THE TIME!
It rained for days and days and there was a terrific flood.
The water rose so high that one man was forced to climb on top of his roof and sat in the rain.
As the waters came up higher a man in a rowboat came up to the house and told him to get in.
"No thank you, the Lord will save me!" he said, and the man in the rowboat rowed away.
The waters rose to the edge of the roof and still the man sat on the roof until another rowboat came by and another man told him to get in.
"No thank you, the Lord will save me!" he said again, and the man rowed away.
The waters covered the house and the man was forced to sit on his chimney as the rain poured down and a helicopter came by and another man urged him to get in or he'll drown.
"No thank you," the man said again, "The Lord will save me!"
After much begging and pleading the man in the helicopter gave up and flew away.
The waters rose above the chimney and the man drowned and went to heaven where he met God.
"Oh Lord, I don't understand," he told Him, frustrated, "The waters rose higher and higher and I waited hours for you to save me but you didn't! Why?"
The Lord just shook his head and said,
"What are you talking about? I sent two boats and a helicopter?!"
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A model in Mexico sued the plastic surgeon that had done her breast augmentation surgery because she was dissatisfied with the doctor’s work…
The doctor (picutred below) did not understand why he was being sued–he felt he had done an incredible job on the model’s breasts.
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-HEHEHE Good ones! Love the dr. and model!
mary bryant
-Hi Allan,
These are great - had heard the drowning man one in church before. Thanks for a Sunday chuckle! ~ Donna
Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available as an E-Book H E R E ! and as a paperback H E R E !
Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://allans-perspective.blogspot.com
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