This may come as a relief to those who have ever been forced to sit through a three-hour tour of greasy pizza, screaming children, creepy animatronic stage shows, and we-will-not-be-ignored-or-tuned-out game noises.
Brannan’s termination comes after several efforts to redesign the Chuck E. Cheese brand, which one can only hope will include a soundproof panic room for adults to escape to when the new voice of Chuck E. Cheese takes over in the some 500 pizza restaurants nationwide.
Although CEC has declined to comment on the matter—the PR equivalent of “we have no redeeming spin to this yet,”—the actor, Duncan Brannan, posted a confirmation on his Facebook.
Meanwhile, it is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news:
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.
The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly.
He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.
Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess
Twinkies and Captain Crunch.
The grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.
Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Despite being a little flaky at times, he still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; two children John Dough and Jane Dough; plus they had one in the oven.
He is also survived by his elderly father Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
And, as if that wasn't enough, the Perspective Research Department reports that Bambi was killed today!
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