Humour
Three friends — two straight guys and a gay guy – and their significant others were on a cruise.A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and next thing you know, they’re standing before Saint Peter.
First came one of the straight guys and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly. “I can’t let you in. You loved money too much.
You loved it so much, you even married a woman name Penny.” Then came the second straight guy. “Sorry, can’t let you in either.
You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!”
The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously, “It doesn’t look good, Dick.”
——————————————
Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua . As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman Said to her friend, “Let’s go over to that bar for a drink.” The lady with the Chihuahua said, “We can’t go in there.
We’ve got dogs with us.” The one with the Doberman said, “Just watch, and do as I do.”
They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.
The bouncer at the door said, “Sorry, lady, no pets allowed.”
The woman with the Doberman said, “You don’t understand.
This is my seeing-eye dog.”
The bouncer said, “A Doberman?”
The woman said, “Yes, they’re using them now. They’re very good.”
The bouncer said, “OK, come on in.”
The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a Chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog may be a bit more difficult, but thought,
“What the heck,” so she put on her dark glasses and started to walk in. Once again the bouncer said, “Sorry, lady, no pets allowed.”
The woman said, “You don’t understand.. This is my seeing-eye dog”
The bouncer said, “A Chihuahua?”
The woman with the Chihuahua said, ……..
“A Chihuahua ? They gave me a f***ing Chihuahua ?!!!”
————————————————-
>A lady walks into Harrods.. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond
> bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more
> closely, she unexpectedly farts.
>
>Very embarrassed, she nervously looks to see if anyone noticed her > little woops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near. As
> she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a
> salesman standing right behind her.
>
> Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect
> of a Harrods’ professional. Politely he greets the lady with, ‘Good
> day, Madam. How may we help you today?’
>
> Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow
> missed her little ‘incident’, she asks, ‘How much is this lovely
> bracelet?’
>
> ‘Madam – if you farted just looking at it – you’re going to shit
> yourself when I tell you the price!’
Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua . As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman Said to her friend, “Let’s go over to that bar for a drink.” The lady with the Chihuahua said, “We can’t go in there.
We’ve got dogs with us.” The one with the Doberman said, “Just watch, and do as I do.”
They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.The bouncer at the door said, “Sorry, lady, no pets allowed.”
The woman with the Doberman said, “You don’t understand.
This is my seeing-eye dog.”
The bouncer said, “A Doberman?”
The woman said, “Yes, they’re using them now. They’re very good.”
The bouncer said, “OK, come on in.”
The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a Chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog may be a bit more difficult, but thought,
“What the heck,” so she put on her dark glasses and started to walk in. Once again the bouncer said, “Sorry, lady, no pets allowed.”
The woman said, “You don’t understand.. This is my seeing-eye dog”
The bouncer said, “A Chihuahua?”
The woman with the Chihuahua said, ……..
“A Chihuahua ? They gave me a f***ing Chihuahua ?!!!”
————————————————-
>A lady walks into Harrods.. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond
> bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more
> closely, she unexpectedly farts.
>
>Very embarrassed, she nervously looks to see if anyone noticed her > little woops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near. As
> she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a
> salesman standing right behind her.
>
> Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect
> of a Harrods’ professional. Politely he greets the lady with, ‘Good
> day, Madam. How may we help you today?’
>
> Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow
> missed her little ‘incident’, she asks, ‘How much is this lovely
> bracelet?’
>
> ‘Madam – if you farted just looking at it – you’re going to shit
> yourself when I tell you the price!’
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