He was walking slowly with his legs spread apart. He looked stiff.
One of them said, “I’m sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome.”
The other said, “No, I don’t think so. He has Zovitzki Syndrome because he walks slowly with his legs apart, just as we learned in class.”
So since they couldn’t agree, they decided to ask the old man.
“As medical students, we couldn’t help but notice how you walk. Would you tell us what you have?”
The old man replied, “I’ll tell you, but first you have to tell me what you two fine medical students think.”
The first student said, “I think it’s Peltry Syndrome.”
“You thought, but you are wrong,” the old man said.
The other student said, “I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome.”
The old man said, “You thought, but you are wrong, too.”
So they asked him, “Well, old timer, what do you have then?”
The old man said, “I thought it was GAS, but I was wrong, too!”
—————————————
Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc.
This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven’t heard about it..
A ‘heads up’ for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe’s, Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise.
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.
Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic.
Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you or your friends.
Here’s how the scam works:
Two nice-looking, college-aged girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle.
They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. (It’s impossible not to look)
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say ‘No’ but instead ask for a ride to McDonald’s.
You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing.
Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen March 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also April 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, and very likely again this weekend.
————————————————
SUPERMARKET PSYCHIC
A woman at the grocery store went to the register with these items in
her cart:
* a quart of orange juice
* a head of romaine lettuce
* a 2 lb. can of coffee
* a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a
drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the
cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,
“You must be single.”
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued
by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly
unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk
to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said “Well, you know what,
you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?”
The drunk replied, “Cause you’re uglier than shit”
—————————————————
TWELVE PRIESTS AND THE NAKED DANCER
Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to
line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy and
beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his penis and they were told that
anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be
ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction.
She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests
until she got to the final priest (Carlos). As she danced, his bell began
to ring so loudly that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground.
Embarrassed, Carlos took a few steps forward, and bent over to pick it up.
Then, all the other bells started to ring…………!
——————————————-
Chinese Wedding Night
A Chinese couple gets married. She’s a virgin and, truth be told, he is none too experienced either.
On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring: “My darring,” he says, “I know dis yo firs time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting – jus anyting you want. Whatchou want?” he asks, trying to sound experienced.
He hopes this will impress his virgin bride.
A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request.
She eventually replies shyly and unsurely, “I want … numba 69.”
Now he is caught up in thoughtful silence. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks,
“You want … Beef wif Broccori?”
—————————————————–On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring: “My darring,” he says, “I know dis yo firs time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting – jus anyting you want. Whatchou want?” he asks, trying to sound experienced.
He hopes this will impress his virgin bride.
A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request.
She eventually replies shyly and unsurely, “I want … numba 69.”
Now he is caught up in thoughtful silence. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks,
“You want … Beef wif Broccori?”
Helluva Headache
The doctor said, “Jerry, the good news is that I can cure your
headaches, the bad news is that it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press
on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.
The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”
Jerry was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to headaches, the bad news is that it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press
on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.
The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”
live for. He couldn’t concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he
had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time
in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different
person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men’s clothing store and thought, “That’s what I need – a new
suit.” He entered the shop and told the salesman, “I’d like a new suit.”
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, “Let’s see…size 44
long.” Jerry laughed, “That’s right, how did you know?” “Been in the
business 60 years!” Jerry tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.
As Jerry admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, “How
about a new shirt?” Jerry thought for a moment and then said, “Sure.”
The salesman eyed Jerry and said, “Let’s see…34 sleeve and 16 and a
half neck.” Jerry was surprised, “That’s right, how did you know?” “Been in the
business 60 years!” Jerry tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.
As Jerry adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, “How
about new shoes?” Jerry was on a roll and said, “Sure.” The salesman
eyed Jerry’s feet and said, “Let’s see…9-1/2 E.” Jerry was astonished,
“That’s right, how did you know?” “Been in the business 60 years!”
Jerry tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Jerry walked
comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked,
“How about some new underwear?” Jerry thought for a second and said,
“Sure.” The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe’s waist and said, “Let’s see, size 36.”
Jerry laughed “Ah ha! I got you! I’ve worn size 34 since I was 18 years old.”
The salesman shook his head, “You can’t wear a size 34. A 34 underwear
would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give
you one hell of a headache.”
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