Allan's Perspective is not recommended for the politically correct, or the overly religious! Some people have opinions, and some have convictions ..., what we offer is Perspective! (Sometimes I feel like I'm just a bobble-head on the highway of life!)

I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around!

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Sunday Morning Funnies # 22, 657


  • All men are born free and equal. If they go and get married that's their own fault.
  • American women expect to find in their husbands a perfection that English women only hope to find in their butlers. (W. Somerset Maugham)
  • Before criticizing your wife's faults, you must remember it may have been these very defects which prevented her from getting a better husband that the one she married.
  • Before marriage, a man will lie awake thinking about something you said; after marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it. (Helen Rowland)
  • The best exercise for a good marriage is bending over backward.
  • Compromise in marriage is an amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
  • Courtship: Is like looking at the beautiful photos in a seed catalog. Marriage: Is what actually comes up in your garden.
  • The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character. (Peter Devries)
  • Don't criticize your wife's judgment, look who she married!
  • Don't go to bed angry. Stay up and fight!
  • Everything I owe, I owe because of my wife.
  • A gentleman is a husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling.
  • Getting a husband is like buying an old house. You don't see it the way it is but the way it's going to be when you get it remodeled. (Barbara Johnson)
  • Give your husband an inch and he'll think he's a ruler.
  • Husband for Sale: remote included!
  • I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it. (Lyndon B. Johnson)
  • I love you more today than yesterday--yesterday you really got on my nerves!
  • I took an assertiveness training course but I'm afraid to tell my wife.
  • If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.
  • If you are losing an argument with your spouse, try a kiss.
  • If You Want Breakfast in Bed, Sleep in the Kitchen
  • If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
  • I'm the boss of the house and I have my wife's permission to say so!
  • In 1975 the only people who wanted to get married were Catholic priests.
  • It is better to marry a man you can live with than to marry the first man you can't live without.
  • It is only possible to live happily-ever-after on a day-to-day basis. (Margaret Bonnano)
  • It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. (Rita Rudner)
  • Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
  • A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
  • Keep your husband--he might come back in style!
  • Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses. (Lord Dewar)
  • Love is blind--but marriage opens your eyes.
  • Love is the quest, marriage is the conquest, divorce is the inquest.
  • Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots.
  • Make love, not war--or get married and do both!
  • Marriage is a continuous process of getting used to things you hadn't expected.
  • Marriage is a major commitment, and is best contemplated by those who should be committed.
  • Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.
  • Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity. (G.B. Shaw)
  • Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.
  • Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
  • The marriage of convenience has a lot to recommend it; we are better judges of convenience than we are of love.
  • Marriages are made in heaven--but then...so are thunder and lightning.
  • Marriages are not made in heaven--they come in kits and you have to put them together yourself.
  • Marriage is an agreement between two people, temporarily of unsound mind, to do impossible things the rest of their lives.
  • My wife and I have an agreement--I don't try to run her life and I don't try to run mine.
  • My wife doesn't care what I do while I'm away, as long as I don't have a good time.
  • My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her...or something like that.
  • The opinions expressed by the husband in this house are not necessarily those of the management.
  • The perfect wife is one who doesn't expect a perfect husband.
  • A Shotgun wedding is a case of wife or death.
  • Some people like to spend, others like to save, unfortunately they tend to marry each other!
  • Son: Is it true that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
    Dad: That happens in every country, son.
  • True love leads to housework.
  • Two can live as cheaply as one--for half as long!
  • We've been through a lot together--and most of it was your fault!
  • When a man says it's a silly childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at.
  • The whole thing about matrimony: we fall in love with a personality but we must live with the character.
  • A woman has never been known to shoot a man while he was doing the dishes.