Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter, 10 men and 1 woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave; otherwise they were all going to fall.
They weren’t able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general,and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping . . …. . . .
A painter by the name of Murphy, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist.
Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all over Ireland were coming to the town of Doolin in County Clare, to get him to paint their likenesses.
One day, a beautiful young English woman arrived at his house in a stretch limo and asked if he would paint her in the nude.
This being the first time anyone had made such a request he was a bit perturbed, particularly when the woman told him that money was no object; in fact, and she was willing to pay up to 5,000 Euro.
Not wanting to get into any marital strife, he asked her to wait while he went into the house to confer with Mary, his wife.
In a few minutes he returned. “T’would be me pleasure to paint yer portrait, missus,” he said.”
The wife says it’s okay. “I’ll paint ya in da nude alright, but I have to at least leave me socks on so I have a place to wipe me brushes.”
An Engineer from India Could Not Find A Job, So He Opens A Clinic, And Puts A Sign Outside That Says
“Get Treatment For $50, If Not Cured Get Back $100 “.
A Doctor Thinks This Is A Good Opportunity To Show Up The Engineer And Earn A Quick $100. And So He Visits The Clinic.
Doctor: “I Have Lost My Sense Of Taste“ .
Engineer: “Nurse, Bring The Medicine From Box No 22 And Place 3 Drops In The Patient’s Mouth” .
Patient (Doctor): Spits Out The Medicine And Says “This Is Not Medicine, It’s Gasoline”.
Engineer: “Congrats.. You Have Your Taste Back ..That Will Be $50“.
Doctor Gets Annoyed, And Returns After Several Days To Recover His Money.
Doctor : “I Have Lost My Memory And Can’t Remember A Thing“ .
Doctor Leaves, But After Several Days Angrily Returns For One Last Try.
Doctor : “My Eyesight Has Become Weak“ .
Engineer : “Well I Don’t Have Any Medicine For That. Take This $100 “.
Doctor : “But This Is a $50 Note“.
Engineer : “Congratulations, Your Eyesight Has Gotten Better. ..That Will be $50“.
Engineer : “Nurse, Bring Medicine From Box No 22 And Put 3 Drops In Patient’s Mouth“.
Doctor: “This Medicine Is For The Sense Of Taste” Protests The Doctor.
Engineer : “Congrats. Your Memory Is Back.. ..That Will Be $50“.
19 recommendations from men to women!
  1. Never buy a ‘new’ brand of beer because ‘it was on sale.’
  2. If we’re in the backyard and the TV in the den is on, that doesn’t mean we’re not watching it.
  3. Don’t tell anyone we can’t afford a new car. Tell them we don’t want one.
  4. Whenever possible please try to say whatever you have to say during commercials.
  5. Only wearing your new lingerie once does not send the message that you need more. It tells us lingerie is a bad investment.
  6. Please don’t drive when you’re not driving.
  7. Don’t feel compelled to tell us how all the people in your stories are related to one another: We’re just nodding, waiting for the punchline.
  8. The quarterback who just got pummeled isn’t trying to be brave. He’s just not crying. Big difference!
  9. When the waiter asks if everything’s okay, a simple ‘Yes’ is fine.
  10. What do you mean, ‘leering?’ She’s obstructing my view.
  11. When I ask, ‘How many guys have you slept with?’ It would be much appreciated if you did not answer honestly.
  12. When I’m turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off-ramp, saying ‘Oh, this is our exit, Honey’ is not really necessary.
  13. When you’re not around, I belch so loudly that I even appall myself.
  14. The temperature in the cave will be my responsibility. It will be slightly to moderately cooler than you want it.
  15. SportsCenter starts at 10:00 P.M. and runs one hour. This is an excellent time for you to pay bills, put laundry in the dryer, or talk to your sister.
  16. Is it too much to ask to have the bra match the underwear?
  17. If we see you in the morning and at night, why call us at work?
  18. You probably don’t want to know what we’re thinking about.
  19. It’s in neither your interest nor ours to take the Cosmo quiz together!