Allan's Perspective is not recommended for the politically correct, or the overly religious! Some people have opinions, and some have convictions ..., what we offer is Perspective! (Sometimes I feel like I'm just a bobble-head on the highway of life!)

I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around!

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Sunday Morning Funnies #88


Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily in Starkville,MS. and
bought a mule for $100

The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.

The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I
have some bad news, the mule died last night."


Curtis & Leroy replied, "Well, then just give us our money back."

The farmer said,"Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule."

The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?"

Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."

The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"

Leroy said, "We shore can! We don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"

A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis & Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked.

"What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?"

They said,"We raffled him off like we said we wuzgonna do."

Leroy said,"Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998."

The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"

Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his
two dollars back."

Curtis and Leroy now work for the government. 
They're over seeing the Bailout & Stimulus Programs.
 Limit all U.S. politicians to two Terms.
 One in office
One in prison

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Aging Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband.

She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman.
The doctor said, 'Your heart would be just below your left breast'.
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

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TEXAS TOURIST (in conversation with Irish country farmer): "Back home it takes me the best part of a day to drive from one side of my ranch to the other"

FARMER: "Ah sure, I had a car like that once...!"


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Important Holiday News

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years. While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the 15 Days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is being called. Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl- currently in Hebrew- will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience. Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreydl will be the more generic "Miraculous stuff happens". In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts. In fact, one of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa, even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year when Oreos were finally declared to be kosher. All sides appeared happy about this development except for Santa's dentist. The press conference closed with all present being led in a rousing rendition of "Oy, Come all Ye Faithful."


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A history of the Universe, the short story:

  'Hydrogen is a light, odorless gas, which, given enough time, turns into people.'  

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http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BL_tC7DQS1g/UmhTAOFhPkI/AAAAAAAANEQ/v4VRDTm-PgU/s1600/Daughter.jpg






















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People of all faiths should remember these four great religious truths:


1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people. 

 

2. Jews do not recognize Christ as the Messiah.

3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.

4. Mennonites do not recognize each other at Hooters or the Liquor Store.

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AND FINALLY: