· Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
· I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
· Take my advice — I'm not using it.
· My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.
· Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
· Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
· He who laughs last thinks slowest.
· Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
· I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
· Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
· I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn't find it.
· If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
· No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
8 years old,
Hateful little bastard.
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.
Must sell washer and dryer £100..
Worn once by mistake.
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
Statement of the Century
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"