Allan's Perspective is not recommended for the politically correct, or the overly religious! (Some people have opinions, and some have convictions ..., what we offer is Perspective!)

My wife is right, I am anal retentive...., so now I keep a can of WD-40 next to the toilet! (Sometimes I feel like I'm just a bobble-head on the highway of life!)

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Sunday Morning Funnies: #884

To Be 8 again!

I was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching my wife, who was lookingat herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off I asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror. On the morning of her Birthday, I arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park.

What a day! I put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later we staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. I then took her to a McDonald's and ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favourite candy,M&M's.

What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home and collapsed into bed exhausted. I leaned over my wife with a big smile lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. 'I meant my dress size, you idiot!!!!'

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

-----------------------------

WOMEN'S REVENGE

'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished
to purchase.
 
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a
television set in her purse.
 
 
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
 
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
 
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
 
I know I'm not going to understand women.
 
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto
your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of
a spider.

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
 
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position..
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'

WORDS
 
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day.
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men....
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'

CREATION
 
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid
and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT
 
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first, and then we
don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and you
should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the Old Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says ... 'HEBREWS'
 
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
 
SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!