If I ruled the World # 13

 Dear Friends: "Let's get things back into perspective here!"

Since I am the "de-facto" ruler of the World I have decided that there is too much strife and confusion about religion, so we are going to change our beliefs from being faithful sheep to being among the group of people who like being fat. (For Example, the majority of folks in North America are fat ....., so they must like it and believe in it!)

 

Fix that in your mind. 

Got it? 

All right, now imagine that fat people—I mean the really fat ones—are unhappy and won’t ever be happy until you’re fat too.

So this is what they would do:

• Slim people are banned from public office.
• The government changes the national motto from ‘E Pluribus Unum’ to ‘Fat We Are’ and prints it on every dollar, license plate, and courtroom wall.
• Two fat guys knock on your door and ask if you eat donuts (and when you say no, they leave you a dozen Boston Creams and a pamphlet for a donut shop).
• Liposuction clinics are picketed and bombed.
• Fat people point out that Pol Pot and Stalin weren’t fat, and just look at all the millions of people they killed.
• Your skinny kids must recite ‘one nation, overweight’ in public school.
• Gym teachers are beset with demands from the morbidly obese, who insist that sitting on a couch and eating bon-bons must get equal time with physical fitness, which is only a theory.
• Fat counselors promise that treatment with conversion therapy will cure your desire to maintain a healthy weight.
• Fast food corporations are exempted from all taxes.
• Fat people are dismayed that nearly all scientists and academics are skinny, and can't understand why smart people don't overeat.
• When you sneeze, fat strangers say, “Go eat, you.”
• Dieting (or encouraging others to diet) is punishable by death in many countries.
• By tradition, every new president chugs a gallon of whole milk while taking the oath of office at the presidential inauguration ceremony.
• And in the middle east, someone blows up a school bus because lard, not Crisco, is the one TRUE fat.

Starting to get the message kids?