UA-4037056-1

THEOLOGY: A lot of really smart people thinking and saying really stupid stuff!

names

Technically we are Terrans who reside in the Solarian System!

Tuesday, 24 February 2015

Too sick!

Sorry I haven't written much lately .............. too sick.


(Still trying to get the number of the truck that ran over me!)

Saturday, 21 February 2015

How I spent my winter vacation!

(Son-of-a-bitch, I DID die.................. read on:)


The last thing I remember on the morning of January 6th is my wife saying: You have got to go to the doctor NOW!
Apparently I went, and the doctor immediately called an ambulance and put me into intensive care. (My blood oxygen level was 55% vs. the normal 95%. At that level your organs start to die!))
In rapid succession I had double pneumonia, blood clots in my lungs, collapsed lungs and total respiratory failure!
And then I died!
But they brought me back!
Then I died again!
But they brought me back again, and put me on life support for over a month!
After that a gradual recovery and now I'm home, but feel worse than I ever have in my life.
But I guess it's better than the alternative!

Monday, 5 January 2015

The flu is no fun at all!

                                   

avesendak-5a7c047f-sz850x282-animate


Everyone around here has had the flu over the past month, and it’s a nasty, nasty one folks!
I kept saying that I wouldn’t get it, and almost proved myself right until New Years eve!
Since then I have been in a living hell, and even lost my voice earlier today!
Needless to say, I don’t feel much like writing………………,. so ya might not hear from me for a day or two!
If I don’t write something by Friday it means I died, and it’s been nice knowing ya!

Leave a Reply

Sunday, 4 January 2015

Sunday Morning Funnies # 541

                                   

april01


1- I’m not saying let’s go kill all the stupid people. I’m just saying let’s remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.
2- I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now.
3- I can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
4- Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
5- You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really likesomeone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
6- I don’t like making plans for the day because then the word “premeditated” get’s thrown around in the courtroom.
7- I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.
8- I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
9- Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers; if you find one, what’s your plan?
—————————
I know you have been laying awake at night wondering why baby diapers have brand names such as “Luvs”, “Huggies” and “Pampers”, while undergarments for old people are called “Depends”.
Well here is the low down on the whole thing.
When babies crap in their pants, people are still gonna Luv’em, Hug’em and Pamper’em.
When old people crap in their pants, it Depends on who’s in the will.
Glad I got that straightened out for ya.
—————————————-
The sharing marriage…
The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.
He unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink; his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them….
As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.
Obviously they were thinking; ‘That poor old couple – all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.’
As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said; they were just fine – they were used to sharing everything
People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn’t eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them.
This time the old woman said; ‘No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything’.
Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked; ‘What is it you are waiting for Mam?’
She answered;
‘THE TEETH.’
————————————————————
> Two Newfies, Larry and Doug, are sitting at their favourite bar drinking beer.
> Larry turns to Doug and says, ‘You know, I’m tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I’ll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes.’
> Doug thinks it’s a good idea and the two leave.
> The next day, Larry goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, history, and Logic.
> ‘Logic?’ Larry says. ‘What’s that?’
> The dean says, ‘I’ll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?’
> ‘Yeah.’
> ‘Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard.’
> ‘That’s true, I do have a yard.’
> ‘I’m not done,’ the dean says. ‘Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house.’
> ‘Yes, I do have a house.’
> ‘And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family.’
> ‘Yes, I have a family.
> ‘I’m not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual.’
> ‘I am a heterosexual. That’s amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater.’
> Excited to take the class now, Larry shakes the Dean’s hand and leaves to go meet Doug at the bar. He tells Doug about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.
> ‘Logic? ‘ Doug says, ‘What’s that?’
> Larry says, ‘I’ll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?’
> ‘No.’
> ‘Then you’re a fag’
———————————————————
I took my dad, Woodsterman, to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 66).
We decided to grab a bite at the food court.
I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.
The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors – green, red, orange, and blue.
My dad kept staring at her.
The teenager kept looking and would find my dad staring every time.
When the teenager had had enough, she sarcastically asked:
“What’s the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?”
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, I knew he would have a good one!
In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid …..”Got stoned once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you are my kid.”

Leave a Reply

Saturday, 3 January 2015

Saturday Morning Confusion about Cosby!

                                   

bill-cosby-old-allegations


Dear Readers:
I feel I must comment on this issue one more time, and then I will leave it alone!
The first question is: did he do all that stuff he is being accused of?
Probably not!
Did he do some of the stuff he is being accused of?
PROBABLY!
But that doesn’t matter kids, what is important is that he hasn’t been charged, let alone convicted, of anything.
SO, here’s the conundrum, and my solution to it!
First of all, ya can’t just arbitrarily cancel his shows, BUT, because of the controversy surrounding has appearance, the promoter should be offering a refund for anybody that doesn’t want to go!
Then the people who still want to see him, can do that ……………., and those that don’t can get their money back, and boycott the performance.
Now, we only have one more problem!
Some people want to disrupt the show itself.
Look kids, if they want to protest outside the venue, then that’s their prerogative, but to attempt to cause problems during the show is not only wrong, but illegal as well.
Protest his appearance all you want folks, but if you do it inside while he is on stage, those people should not only be removed, but face charges as well.
In other words, you can’t inflict your own morality on someone else, bunky!
 

Leave a Reply

Friday, 2 January 2015

Another Year!

                                   

avesendak-5a7c047f-sz850x282-animate

Where did the year go? Suddenly it is January…….again, and we realize that with giant strides,
we started last January and within a blink of an eye, 2014 is on its back!
A big “Thank You” to each and everyone of you, for the impact you had on my life this year.
Especially for all the e-mails I received…….without you, I’m sure that 2014 would have been extremely boring.
I hope 2015 marks the beginning of a Tidal Wave of Love, Happiness and Bright Futures.
And to those who need someone special, may you find that true love.
To those who need money, may your finances overflow.
To those who need caring, may you find a good heart.
To those who need friends, I am still here for you.
Thank You for being my Friend!
ALL THE BEST IN 2015

Leave a Reply

Thursday, 1 January 2015

Happy New Year!

             

8334214489_9676d2ce93_z



White Rock, B.C. will hold its annual polar bear plunge in the ocean again today.
These slightly deranged revelers are shown here during last years dip, and most of them will be back again today for another try at hypothermia!
---------------------------------------------
Since last night was New Years Eve you should know that a lot of the cab companies across the country are now charging a $50- penalty is ya throw up in their cabs!
74416-Royalty-Free-RF-Clipart-Illustration-Of-A-Pleasantly-Plump-Woman-Covering-Her-Nude-Body-----------------------------------------------
A lot of people are asking what is open and closed on New Years day, and according to the staff at the Perspective Naked News Department it doesn't really matter much since most people will be too hung over to go anywhere!
--------------------------------------------
Well kids, it seems some people had more fun than others during last nights New Years eve celebrations.
A naked 71-year-old woman and her equally clothes-free male companion, 54, were arrested last month for indecent exposure after a Michigan cop found them trysting in the back seat of a Buick Regal that was rocking gently and had its windows steamed over, according to a police report.
When the officer opened the vehicle’s rear door and asked the nude couple what they were doing, Tim Adams offered a concise answer. “I’m fucking this chick,” he said.
Yes, Adams referred to his septuagenarian consort, Rita Daniels, as a “chick.”
According to a City of Farmington Police report, Daniels’s 2002 Buick was in a shopping center parking lot, adjacent to a restaurant whose customers, including a 10-year-old-boy, apparently had a view of the illicit nighttime action!
Officer Andrew Morche noted that the car’s windows “were covered with heavy condensation,” and that Daniels was atop Adams “and the two were engaged in sexual activities.”
C9RMVQ64BDME6JEP-rsz320x199-cp0x19x320x179A police investigation determined that the couple’s courtship was a brief one. They had met for drinks at a nearby bar “before moving to the back seat of the Buick.”
When questioned by cops, neither Daniels nor Adams–both of whom were unsteady and smelled of booze–knew the other’s name.
A Breathalyzer test recorded Daniels’s blood alcohol content as .15, nearly twice the state limit.
Daniels and Adams were busted for indecent exposure and disorderly intoxication and booked into the local jail, where they were held until sobriety returned.
Misdemeanor charges against Daniels and Adams, who are pictured in the above mug shots (click to enlarge), are pending in Michigan’s 47th District Court.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/sex/senior-citizen-car-sex-098713
——————————————
Want some more evidence of global warming, bunky?
The coldest snowstorm in the States this winter didn’t hit Chicago or the East Coast, but Southern California.
18ffa81b77c6d352520118338261b422The San Bernardino Mountains, about 50 miles east of Los Angeles, were buried in windswept snow last night.
Firefighters rescued over 180 stranded drivers using Snow Cats to plow through the 12-plus inches of snow covering the steep, winding Highway 138. Drivers were taken to a ski lodge, a fire station and a nearby church, where Red Cross workers administered aid, while others either left their cars and walked to shelter or drove away once the roads were cleared.
——————————————-
WELL FOLKS, WE STARTED THIS POST TODAY WITH SWIMMERS, SO WE MIGHT AS WELL FINISH WITH THEM TOO!
Though the official numbers aren’t in for December, it’s likely that 2014 will go down as the planet’s hottest year on record, at least since scientists started keeping tabs on global temperature.
Data from three major climate-tracking groups agree: The combined land and ocean surface temperatures hit new highs this year, according to the United States’ National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA), the United Kingdom’s Met Office and the World Meteorological Association.
If December’s figures are at least 0.76 degrees Fahrenheit (0.42 degrees Celsius) higher than the 20th century average, 2014 will beat the warmest years on record, NOAA said this month. The January-through-November period has already been noted as the warmest 11-month period in the past 135 years, according to NOAA’s November Global Climate Report. [8 Ways Global Warming Is Already Changing the World]
Even with the planet gunning for new global heat records, not all regions sweltered year-round in 2014. For instance, parts of North America suffered from extreme cold in January and February. That said, there were plenty of places where heat records fell this year. Here is a look at five places that will help push 2014 into the global warming record books.
-Australia: For the second year in a row, Australians saw heat records topple from the Gold Coast to the Coral Coast. The country kicked off January with an extreme heat wave; temperatures soared higher than 120 F (49 C). Heat waves in the autumn (March to May) and spring (September to November) also drove temperatures into the record books.
-Eastern Pacific Ocean: Toasty temperatures developed in the eastern Pacific Ocean, despite an El NiƱo that never appeared. The heat was especially notable off the western coast of the United States. Fishing boats spotted species well north of their range, such as a giant ocean sunfish offshore of Alaska. For the global ocean, the September to November sea surface temperature was 1.13 F (0.63 C) above the 20th century average of 60.7 F (16.0 C), surpassing the previous record by 0.11 F (0.06 C), according to NOAA.
-Siberia: Central Siberia defrosted in spring and early summer under temperatures more than 9 F (5 C) above its 1981 to 2010 average. Ice on the Ob River began to break up two weeks earlier than normal. The heat may have unleashed methane gas trapped in previously frozen permafrost, triggering underground explosions that formed spectacularly deep holes.
-California: The long-running drought in California was made worse in 2014 by record heat. The first 10 months of 2014 were the warmest in California’s history since 1895, further burdening the state’s water demands.
-Northern Europe: The same weather pattern that froze North America in early 2014 brought an unusually warm spring to countries including Denmark, Norway and Turkey. The sultry spring was the warmest in a century or more in these countries. In addition, January to October was the warmest 10-month period on record for Central England since 1659, and the warmest such period for the Netherlands since 1706.
https://ca.news.yahoo.com/hottest-ever-5-places-where-2014-temps-really-195056667.html
MEANWHILE THOSE ASSHOLES OVER AT SUN TV STILL CLAIM THAT THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS GLOBAL WARMING!
Getty Images/Getty Images – MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA – JANUARY 14: People jump into the sea to keep cool at St Kilda Beach on January 14, 2014 in Melbourne, Australia. Temperatures are expected to reach over 40 degrees Celsius in parts of Victoria over the next four days. (Photo by Craig Sillitoe/Getty Images)
Melbournians Flock To The Beaches During Heatwave
 

Leave a Reply