Thursday, April 24, 2014

The Sane Middle-Ground!

Allan's Perspective


Folks, your long suffering reporter is ever grateful that I don’t suffer from all the common mental disorders that afflict a large portion of our population!
Yes boys and girls, we are slowly being consumed by our insane religious and political beliefs …, and I can’t see any way of stopping it!
There are the religious folk who claim that the bible is the literal truth, or Islam must be imposed on everyone for their own good, and politically we have Left Wing delusions like political correctness and tree hugging, while the Right insists on denying global warming and giving everybody guns! etc. etc.
Listen kids, if I got down to actually listing all the mental afflictions we as a group suffer from, I would need a lot more room than just what this blog affords, but suffice to say that the safe and sane middle ground is getting a lot less crowded lately.
Crazy headlines: “Man armed with potato robs convenience store!”

The British “Top Gear” has angered some of those left wing nuts we talked about at the start of this blog! (This is what they do, so nobody should be surprised!)
The guys were somewhere in Asia, looking at a steel bridge, when one of them said something like: “It doesn’t look all that straight, I think there’s a slope in it!” (The point is, that there was also an Asian man crossing the bridge!)
WELL! Didn’t everybody get their shorts in a knot!
(Listen folks, – as one of the protesters said: – “You can’t go around willy nilly, making double entendre jokes, because that just leads down a slippery slope!”)

imagesCAZPANQFTime to test your memory …………., remember those religious nuts we talked about a few minutes ago?
Well, over in Kabul, Afghanistan, a member of the Taliban, masquerading as a security guard, shot and killed three doctors in a hospital.
Now these three guys had volunteered to go over to Afghanistan to save lives …., so killing them makes absolutely no sense!
See what I mean about the insanity?
Speaking of “Politically Correct,” Joan Rivers is not the most subtle and discreet person we have ever met, but even she goes a bit too far at times!

2034eb54ee76370f520f6a706700f9ceAttorneys for two women held in a Cleveland home and abused for a decade say Joan Rivers should apologize for comparing living in her daughter’s guest room with the captivity they experienced.
Rivers and her daughter were discussing their reality show Tuesday on NBC’s “Today” show when she complained about her living arrangements, saying, “Those women in the basement in Cleveland had more space.”
Like I said kids, there’s certain lines ya shouldn’t cross ….., and that was one of them!
Folks, as I said on numerous occasions, this is NOT a celebrity rag …………, but once in a while a story comes along that’s just too good to pass up!

In what is probably a hilarious argument but could be a brilliant diversion for a high-stakes casino heist, George Clooney and Steve Wynn are publicly insulting each other after a drunken fight at a Las Vegas hotel.
The dispute began at a group dinner at Wynn’s restaurant in the Encore a few weeks ago, but turned into a public he said/he said today after Clooney and Wynn both made statements to the Las Vegas Review-Journal.
Clooney blames Wynn for the dustup, saying the known Picasso destroyer insulted his close personal friend Barack Obama by calling the president an asshole.
I said the President was my longtime friend and then he said ‘your friend is an asshole.’ … At that point I told Steve that HE was an asshole and I wasn’t going to sit at his table while he was being such a jackass.
And I walked out. There were obviously quite a few more adjectives and adverbs used by both of us. Those are all the facts. It had nothing to do with politics and everything to do with character.
Wynn, for his part, says Clooney is a mean drunk who also threw a “hissy fit” when a CAA exec made a joke about Mikhail Gorbachev.
“When he’s drinking, he considers himself a close personal buddy of the president.
He got up and said, ‘I don’t have to listen to this (expletive) stuff. The only person who got excited at the table was George, and he ran off to another bar.”
Clooney’s partners were “mortified,” Wynn said.
“Clooney’s fun to be with when he’s sober,” Wynn added. “If you have a chance to drink with him, you want to get there early, and don’t stay late.

For centuries, before refrigeration, an old Russian practice was to drop a frog into a bucket of milk to keep the milk from spoiling. In modern times, many believed that this was nothing more than an old wives’ tale. But researchers at Moscow State University, led by organic chemist Dr. Albert Lebedev, have shown that there could be some benefit to doing this, though of course in the end you’ll be drinking milk that a frog was in.
Ice boxes first became available to consumers in the early to mid-19th century and, with that, the ice trade became big business. New England and Norway became major purveyors of ice, but anywhere it was cold, ice was a major export. Usually made out of wood with tin or zinc walls and insulation material like sawdust, cork, or straw, ice boxes were popular until they were rendered obsolete by the electrical refrigerator starting around the 1930s.
imagesDespite the prevalence of ice in parts of Russia, in certain small rural Russian villages many didn’t have access to ice boxes, so they had to find ways to keep things cold and unspoiled. A practice developed, that continued into the 20th century, as described by Dr. Lebedev from memories from his childhood,
[For] small portions of milk to drink, they used to put [a] frog inside… A small frog over there could prevent the milk from being spoiled.

This rather curious practice was an inspiration for a study and, then, a discovery that may lead to a significant new source of antibiotics. In 2010, scientists from United Arab Emirates University made an announcement that the secretions from certain frogs’ skins have antibacterial and antifungal properties. Using species native to African countries, they studied the compounds coming from the frogs, which are known as antimicrobial peptides and are a string of amino acids.

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Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Left vs. Right

Allan's Perspective


Folks I don’t know what it is with left wing fanatics, but they seem to be a little un-hinged at the best of times!
Speaking at a town hall in Nanaimo, B.C. on April 13, Elizabeth May, the federal Green Party leader and MP for Saanich-Gulf Islands called the Prime Ministers Office “a $10-million-a-year partisan operation filled with ruthless, cutthroat psychopaths.”
A friend of my wife is a schoolteacher, (and ardent NDP supporter, as all teachers are) AND SHE IS CONVINCED THAT HARPER IS OUTRIGHT “EVIL!

Now a don’t mean she thinks Harper is a bad boy, or up to mischief and no-good bunky!
untitledI mean she would like to see Harper thrown in jail, or given twenty lashes, castrated, or put in a stockade, folks!
(Her disposition is also the reason why this broad has never been married kids!)
(Could it be some sort of love/hate thing?)
The left winger really making the news is this guy:

Billionaire climate activist Tom Steyer (see photo at top) plans to spend big money making an impact in the 2014 midterm elections. Like $100 million big, according to a report. But in an interview Tuesday, Steyer suggested that elevating the most crucial climate and environmental issues of the day in the eyes of the public might require even more money.
“If you said to me, how much would I be willing to spend, to make this what I believe it is, the most important issue in the minds of Americans, then I would think 100 million bucks would be very low, honestly,” he said in an interview on C-SPAN’s “Newsmakers” that will air Sunday.
MEANWHILE: Republican billionaire Koch brothers are said to be jumping into the fray for the other side ….., in a game of high stakes political poker!

Democrats aren’t just up against Republican candidates this fall, they’re up against the Kochs’ bank accounts, and based on how the Democrats are acting, they’re worried about the damage the brothers can do.
Koch Industries is one of the largest privately held companies in the U.S. It doesn’t release financial data publicly, but it’s thought to rake in annual revenues in the neighbourhood of $115 billion. The massive company, started by their father, Fred Koch, has its tentacles in the oil sector, consumer products, minerals, commodity trading, and much more.
If you’ve ever drank out of a Dixie cup, mopped up a mess with a Brawny paper towel, worn workout attire with Lycra in it, or walked upon a Stainmaster carpet then you’ve experienced the vast reach of Koch Industries and the many companies it invests in or owns.
The brothers are majority stakeholders, which makes them very, very rich. The Bloomberg Billionaires Index puts their net worth at $100 billion and calls them the fifth and sixth richest people on planet Earth.

Drones are everywhere kids, and this one was controlled by either a rich and sophisticated B.C. hobbyist, or someone with nefarious intentions from south of the border!
It was seen flying the vicinity of Vancouver International Airport to spy on us!
Whatever the case, Transport Canada and the R.C.M.Poo were not amused ………, and are now investigating!

I was reading a science journal today and this raised the question: “Have you ever wondered how a ‘Sloth’ can swallow food when it hangs upside down all the time?”
(Me either!)

ANOTHER STRANGE HEADLINE: “Watching PORN with your parents is weird!”
When 8-year-old Olivia McConnell proposed that her state, South Carolina, adopt a state fossil, she may not have expected her request to prompt a drawn-out fight with creationists in the state legislature.
080609-mammoth-drawing-02Drawing of a woolly mammoth. These beasts were bigger than mastodons and and curved rather than straight tusks.
They died off around 10,000 years ago, and scientists aren t yet sure if climate change was to blame — as the Ice Age ended — or if human hunting pressure played the larger role.
Some even think a comet did them in.
Credit: Stephan Shuster Lab, Penn State

In letters to her local representatives, Olivia asked that the woolly mammoth be made the official state fossil, because mammoth teeth dug up by slaves in a South Carolina swamp in 1725 were among the first vertebrate fossils discovered in North America.
Her senator, Kevin Johnson, told CBS News this week that he thought a bill honoring the request “would just fly through the House and through the Senate.” But the bill is currently languishing in the House, months after it was proposed in January, because some lawmakers with creationist beliefs have objected on religious grounds.
A Kansas judge granted a request Wednesday to formally change the name of the soldier convicted of leaking classified documents to WikiLeaks from Bradley Edward Manning to Chelsea Elizabeth Manning.
Asteroid Strikes (Even Big Ones) Are More Common Than We Thought!

Asteroid researchers revealed that 26 asteroids hit earth over a span of 13 years, a figure that is uncomfortably high and serves as a chilling reminder that asteroid impacts are a real thing.
The data was compiled by the Comprehensive Nuclear-Test-Ban Treaty Organization (CTBTO) which operates sensors that detect atom bomb explosions. The group identified 26 explosions not caused by bombs, and determined that these were actually blasts resulting from asteroid impacts.
B612 Foundation, an organization that tracks and studies asteroids (not to be confused with B6-13, which is fictional) explains:
Between 2000 and 2013, a network of sensors that monitors Earth around the clock listening for the infrasound signature of nuclear detonations detected 26 explosions on Earth ranging in energy from 1-600 kilotons – all caused not by nuclear explosions, but rather by asteroid impacts…. To put this data in perspective, the atomic bomb that destroyed Hiroshima in 1945 exploded with an energy impact of 15 kilotons.
In a video, B612 notes that “our current strategy for dealing with asteroid impacts is blind luck.”

Ed Lu, the CEO of B612, told the BBC that we should be thinking about asteroids the way we think about earthquakes:
In the cities that have a major danger — Tokyo, Los Angeles, San Francisco — they know the odds of big earthquakes by observing how many small earthquakes there are. Because there’s a known distribution of earthquakes, meaning that earthquakes come in all sizes, small to large – if I can measure the small ones, I know how many big ones they’re going to be. And you can do this with asteroids.
He added that “these asteroid impacts in the last decade have been ones that we haven’t had much data on until recently, and they tell us that in fact asteroid impacts are more common than we thought.”
The scientists explain that while the 26 recorded asteroids did not cause serious damage, their prevalence suggests that a larger asteroid could very well hit the earth. They say that one large enough to destroy a city hits the earth every 100 years. But, they say in the video, there is a way for us to protect ourselves against the threat:
An early warning infrared space telescope for tracking asteroids would give us many years to deflect an asteroid when it’s still millions of miles away.
B612′s Sentinel Mission is trying to do just that, with the help of civilian funding. NASA has also appealed to citizen scientists to take the threat of asteroids seriously and support the mission, announcing an asteroid data hunter contest at this year’s SXSW.
Just last year, a meteor injured nearly 1,000 people when it slammed into the Ural Mountains in Central Russia.

So it seems reasonable that we figure out a better method that “blind faith” to deal with the threat of asteroids.

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Tuesday, April 22, 2014

It’s the old farts who are really dangerous!

Allan's Perspective

Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s the old folks who are the real menace on our highways, not the teenagers!
Don’t believe me, the next time ya see someone with their turn signal on for ten miles ………………., drive up beside them, and who do you think it will be?
Or how about the guy in front of you THAT drives 20 kmh UNDER the speed limit!
Yup, chances are the really reckless stuff is done by teenagers, but the really stupid stuff is done by us older folk!

Here’s another fine example that ya don’t hear from the young crowd:
A cop pulls a 50 something guy over for speeding and instead of quietly accepting his ticket, he begins arguing with the cop! His wife leans over and says: “Don’t pay any attention to him officer, he always likes to argue when he’s been drinking!”
HERE’S ONE FOR THE BOOKS: “Lindsay Lohan says she suffered miscarriage during taping of Oprah reality show!”
(Wanna bet this a a ploy to gain sympathy?)
EXTRA, EXTRA: Jon Hamm just called Justin Bieber s “shithead!”

It took an extra day folks, but we finally got all our facts straight.
Hundreds of potheads and supporters of the movement to legalize marijuana gathered at Yonge-Dundas Sqaure in Toronto on Sunday for a smoke-filled display of solidarity.
The day started with a parade down Yonge Street just before noon and ended quietly around 5:30pm as the crowd slowly dispersed from the Square (insert hilarious weed-makes-you-hungry joke here).
Organizers report that over a 1000 free joints were given out over the day, a number that’s easy to believe when you see the plume of smoke that engulfed the crowd in the minutes after the clock struck 4:20 p.m.
Meanwhile, “Perspective” has obtained a tape of a pro-pot public service message recorded during the rally!

Great news for all you tree-huggers on the Ecology front!
The use of biosolids on agricultural land is nothing new, and for farmers and municipal managers there are some obvious benefits to its use: It boosts soil quality, is about a quarter the cost of chemical fertilizer, requires much less in the way of fossil fuels to produce and is better used on fields than sent to costly landfill sites or dumped in a nearby harbour.
At the same time, this is essentially human waste we’re talking about, and in our pharmacological times who knows what proportion of that waste is contaminated, even after treatment, with unusual chemical compounds or even mood altering drugs.
“The science that exists today doesn’t suggest that there’s a concern, but we don’t really know a lot about emerging contaminants, not just in biosolids but in wastewater, in our environment writ large,” says Bernadette Conant, executive director of the Canadian Water Network.
“There’s nothing so far to indicate that it is a problem,” she says, but the CWN is funding a series of research projects in any event, just to be certain.
Of the biosolids produced across Canada each year — some estimates suggest that is about 660,000 tonnes of dried material — about half is applied to land, says Conant,
The rest is incinerated or sent to a landfill site, an option she considers unfortunate because “you’re probably taking what is a pretty clean and beneficial product and making it dirty by adding it to the garbage in a landfill. It’s not the ideal use of it.”

(Farmer Jack Folkertsma and agricultural consultant Lise Leblanc check out the corn crop near Shubenacadie, N.S. Submitted by Lise Leblanc)
Still, the practice of spreading human manure on agricultural land is not without controversy.
In the Greater Victoria region last fall, regional politicians voted overwhelmingly against overturning a two-year-old ban on putting biosolids on land, as residents were opposed to the idea, fearing contamination.
At the same time, Halton region, west of Toronto, has been spreading human waste on fields for about three decades, and the municipality’s seven wastewater treatment facilities now generate about 11,000 tonnes of usable biosolids annually.
EXTRA, EXTRA, The Perspective Research Department sent some of the Naked News Department staff out to follow up on this headline ……., and made an amazing discovery:
Woman With Engineered Vagina Says She Has ‘Normal Life’
That’s right folks, this woman, a feminist from Kelowna, B.C. has undergone six hours of surgery to have teeth inserted in her …………….!
(Remember, ya heard it here first kids!)

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Monday, April 21, 2014

Can we make an entire University administration our “Assholes of the Day?”

Allan's Perspective!

asshole trophy

Dear Readers: Enough has been said about the disgraceful incident at the University of Regina where a anti-abortionist was arrested for stating his views, but that was only a small example of how free speech is being silenced unless it's what academia calls "politically correct!"


When we talk about the stupidity that are school-affiliated zero-tolerance policies, those stories usually revolve around an administration’s inability to marry common sense with their reactions to non-issues. This can produce somewhat varied results, from really dumb stories about children being children and ending up in serious trouble, to a far more angering practice of victim-blaming.
What it all boils down to, though, is an overreaction to certain tragic situations that results in bureaucratic lunacy on a level I never would have thought possible. School shootings and violence are the impetus in these cases, but we see this elsewhere as well. 9/11 resulted in the s#!*-show we know as airport security and NSA surveillance.
The Boston Marathon bombing has resulted in the kind of militarized protection and media-blitzkrieg that would likely have other world nations that deal with far more terrorism shaking their heads. And, in each of these cases, we learn a simple truth that we should have seen coming all along: reactionary policies breed stupidity, corruption, and trouble.
So let’s get back to zero-tolerance policies in schools and witness the logical conclusion they offer: a college professor who had recently been at odds with his school’s administration was just suspended for posting a picture of his child wearing a Game Of Thrones t-shirt.
A popular community college professor was suspended after posting a photo of his daughter wearing an oversized T-shirt bearing a tagline from this season of Game of Thrones—Daenerys Targaryen’s “I will take what is mine with fire and blood.” Francis Schmidt, who teaches art and animation at Bergen Community College in New Jersey, shared the photo on Google+, where it was seen by several of his work contacts. One of them, a dean, decided the shirt was a veiled threat of some kind.

In case you can’t see the image, it’s of Schmidt’s daughter doing a handstand while wearing a Game of Thrones t-shirt that includes the tagline: “I will take what is mine with fire & blood.” In case you think it’s reasonable that such a picture being shared on social media could be interpreted as a threat to commit violence at a local community college, stop thinking that because that’s a stupid thought. I imagine Schmidt said as much when he was called in to meet with the administration to explain why he’d sent a “threatening email”, despite the fact that no email had been sent.
At the meeting, Schmidt explained the shirt in the context of Game of Thrones and showed Miller that the “fire and blood” tagline has 4 million results on Google. The professor asked why his photo had caused such a reaction, and was told that “fire” could be a metaphor for “AK-47s.” Schmidt was placed on administrative leave without pay later that week, and told he would have to pass a psychiatric evaluation before he could return.
Now, like me, you should be even more confused. There’s no way you could somehow interpret “fire” to mean “AK-47″ any more than you could interpret “fire” to mean “Easter ham.” They aren’t related. And if you’re thinking that there’s so little sense being made here that there must be something more to this story, there sure as hell is. The head of the school’s administration had just been delivered a vote of no confidence by the staff, including Schmidt, who had also filed a grievance recently for being denied a request for a sabbatical. You don’t need to read between the lines much to understand that this is probably a trumped-up charge serving to punish a member of the teacher’s union.

heidi-klum-topless-bikini-0417-18-580x435Heidi Klum is having a topless vacation with 27-year-old Vito Schnabel and naturally every poop-a-ratty is trying to get pictures.
(You might remember that Vito was also banging Demi Moore, or Mrs. Butterworth, or somebody or other, not too long ago!)
Personally folks, your long suffering reporter doesn’t know what the big deal is ………………., Heidi looks just like any other middle-aged woman with a bit of a belly and tiny tits!
Lindsay Lohan has now claimed she had a miscarriage while filming a “Reality Show” …………………………., or got a migraine, or had a bad hair day!
She had something!
(To be honest folks, I’m not sure what the story was because I wasn’t paying attention!)
Down there in the U.S. of A. president Obama is preparing to ‘Pardon’ thousands of inmates who were unjustly sentenced to ridiculous prison terms during the “mandatory minimum” sentencing spree in the “land of the free!”
There are horror stories of people going to jail for decades after getting nabbed with a couple of joints, or a few grams of meth.
What a wonderful way to totally destroy a life!
A Canadian pizza place has come up with 6-layer pizza cake.
Canada’s Boston Pizza is holding a “Pizza Game Changers” challenge and asking pizza fans to vote on their new pizza fantasy that they will then turn into a pizza reality, E! News reported.
The pizza place said that most pizza joints make a pizza pie, but they are creating a Pizza Cake, which great for birthdays, bar mitzvahs, weddings, and lonely nights watching infomercials.
- See more at:
Maritime Report!
A Halifax Regional Police officer shot a dog early Sunday morning on Portland Street in Dartmouth.
Police say in a release that officers were doing surveillance on a home in the 300 block as part of an investigation when one was charged by two dogs around 4:30 a.m.
Police said the officer fired three times at the dogs. One of the dogs, a bull terrier, was hit and both went back into a residence.
Someone called 911 and said the dog had been shot. Police took it and the owner to an emergency veterinary clinic.
AND FINALLY: Well folks, if ya ever saw “Planet of the Apes” this might not surprise you.
If and when we blow each other up in a nuclear war, you can bet the apes and monkeys are waiting in the wings to take over!!!!!!!

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Sunday, April 20, 2014

Happy Easter!

Allan's Perspective


Happy Easter everyone! (Boy, they sure got a strange way of celebrating it down in the States!)

This being an important religious weekend for Christians and Jews, President Obama took a break from his typically-partisan Saturday radio address to offer Easter and Passover greetings.
“These holy days have their roots in miracles that took place long ago,” Obama said. “And yet, they still inspire us, guide us, and strengthen us today. They remind us of our responsibilities to God and, as God’s children, our responsibilities to one another. “
Then, Sen. Lamar Alexander, on behalf of the Republican Party, gave his Easter Greetings from the G.O.P!
Sen. Alexander declared that “lifting the big wet blanket of Obama regulations will enable our free enterprise system to create plenty of jobs.”
Obama then observed that “The common thread of humanity that connects us all – not just Christians and Jews, but Muslims and Hindus and Sikhs – is our shared commitment to love our neighbors as we love ourselves.”
“To remember, I am my brother’s keeper. I am my sister’s keeper,” he continued. “Whatever your faith, believer or nonbeliever, there’s no better time to rededicate ourselves to that universal mission.”
Alexander shot back with a talk bout the Affordable Care Act.
“Health care provides the most glaring difference between Republican enablers and Democrat mandators,” he said. “Too often, Obamacare cancels the policy you wanted to keep and tells you what policy to buy, even if it costs more and even if it restricts your choices of doctors and hospitals.”
“Republicans believe that freedom and more choices will empower you to find a policy that fits your needs and your budget,” the Tennessee Republican said.
Alexander did manage to add a postscript appropriate to the season: “Thank you and very best wishes on this Easter weekend.”
It’s not that Republicans are irreligious, folks, – far from it, at least in terms of church attendance, according to polls.
They’re more likely to attend regular religious services than Democrats.
It’s just that when you’re out of power – lost five out of the last six presidential votes – you’re a little more inclined to go after the guy in the White House!


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Pot goes to pot!

Well folks, they’ve recalled cars, they’ve recalled meat and other groceries, they’ve recalled appliances, cribs, stupid stuff and weird stuff!
But this is the first time they recalled POT!
That’s right kids, “don’t smoke the Purple Kush.”
That’s the message Health Canada is sending out to medical marijuana users across the country after issuing its first-ever recall for a batch of prescription pot.
The recall, affecting only 63 of Canada’s roughly 40,000 medical marijuana users, was sparked after a government inspection at B.C.-based producer Greenleaf Medicinals found problems with the company’s control, production and oversight procedures, said Heath Canada spokeswoman Erika Easton.
“We’ve uncovered some product that wasn’t up to standard and we’ve issued a recall,” Easton said.
imagesOKFT160QGreenleaf Medicinals told its clients to immediately stop using its Purple Kush product, advising customers to return it or dispose of it.

Greenleaf doesn’t appear on government’s list of licensed medical marijuana producers.
The company’s website is no longer available and calls to the company weren’t returned on Saturday.
Health Canada said Greenleaf is working with licensed producers to help clients affected by the recall.

drunk3Don’t like weed? Introducing Palcohol, the world’s sneakiest and most efficient way to get drunk. This week, the Alcohol and Tobacco Bureau approved the powdered booze product, and its makers hopes to unleash it on an unsuspecting public this fall.
Palcohol’s website, which has since been scrubbed, once advertised the powder as the solution to many of the modern drinker’s most pressing problems. (A cached version of the original site is still accessible here)
Take, for instance, the overpriced drinks at stadium events.
What’s worse than going to a concert, sporting event, etc. and having to pay $10, $15, $20 for a mixed drink with tax and tip. Are you kidding me?! Take Palcohol into the venue and enjoy a mixed drink for a fraction of the cost.
Palcohol also makes for an easy way to get hammered over breakfast without anyone noticing: just sprinkle it right onto your pancakes, and voilĂ .
We’ve been talking about drinks so far. But we have found adding Palcohol to food is so much fun. Sprinkle Palcohol on almost any dish and give it an extra kick. Some of our favorites are the Kamikaze in guacamole, Rum on a BBQ sandwich, Cosmo on a salad and Vodka on eggs in the morning to start your day off right. Experiment. Palcohol is great on so many foods. Remember, you have to add Palcohol AFTER a dish is cooked as the alcohol will burn off if you cook with it…and that defeats the whole purpose.
Those who’d rather mainline booze directly into their bloodstream are also in luck. Palcohol can be snorted!
Let’s talk about the elephant in the room….snorting Palcohol. Yes, you can snort it. And you’ll get drunk almost instantly because the alcohol will be absorbed so quickly in your nose. Good idea? No. It will mess you up. Use Palcohol responsibly.
It’s hard to imagine how or why the federal government signed off on Palcohol, a product that, in the wrong hands, could make the darkest days of the Four Loko era look tame. For its part, the company says it was caught off guard by the TTB’s announcement, and that the old site copy doesn’t accurately reflect its mission.
What we can say now is that we hope the product will be used in a responsible and legal manner. Being in compliance with all Federal and State laws is very important to us. Palcohol will only be sold through establishments that are licensed to sell liquor.
More information will be forthcoming.

Easter and Christmas are both very important Christian holidays, but while families always gather on Dec. 25 in the winter, the annual spring celebration changes drastically each year on our calendars.
imagesBKU0TQ5PSteven Engler, a professor in religious studies at Mount Royal University, says the basic reason the two differ is because Christmas is fixed to a solar calendar, near the winter solstice, and Easter is based on the Jewish lunar calendar.

He said the Last Supper, which according to Christian belief is the final meal Jesus shared with his apostles before his crucifixion, was a Passover feast — which is part of an important Jewish festival.
“So Christians always had Easter right after Passover,” he said. “And then at the Council of Nicaea in the fourth century, Christians decided to separate themselves from the timing of the Jews on that, so ever since then Passover and Easter have been independent, but they’re both in the spring.”
Engler says the Church decided March 21 is the vernal equinox — or first day of spring — and Easter falls on the first Sunday after the next full moon.
“Spring starts on [March 21] and you wait for the next full moon, and the next Sunday is Easter,” he said.
BOY, have we got a “loser of the Day” for ya: A New Jersey woman says a man she met on a dating website stole her dog and her flat-screen TV on the first date.

untitled (16)Dover police tell the Daily Record of Parsippany ( that the pair went out for the first time Thursday night.
After returning home, the woman said she became occupied in another room, leaving the man alone.
When she returned, he was gone — and so were her Yorkshire Terrier named Violet and her TV valued at $3,000.
The woman says she knew her date only as Joel and believes he lived nearby.
Sgt. Richard Gonzalez says police are searching for the man and dog and are checking other locations the short-lived couple visited.

mini-5b763e2d1f9d9b68b0ef2c626f73b424A British prisoner is claiming he’s being persecuted for his Jedi faith. He sent a letter to Inside Time saying the National Offender Management Service refused to recognize his beliefs, even though Jedi was officially recognized in the last census.
The letter also says Jedi’s have been given a negative reputation in the media following the battle of Yavin, when “Luke Skywalker and a group of left-wing militants targeted the Death Star in a terrorist attack, killing thousands of civilian personnel.”
Additionally, the letter asked for the prisoner’s name to be withheld for fear of retaliation from the Dark Side.
Around 175,000 people claimed to be Jedi in the 2011 UK census. Inside Time bills itself as “The National Newspaper for Prisoners & Detainees.”
(Now folks, this story is bullshit, because if the guy really was a Jedi Knight ……………….., he would have escaped a long time ago0!)
Read more:

imagesRosie O’Donnell is down nearly 50 pounds.
The comedian and TV personality flaunted her major weight loss in a before-and-after photo of herself posted on Twitter this past Thursday.
“Almost 50 lbs off — I can see it now,” the 52-year-old “View” alum wrote.
(This is GREAT folks, now there’s less of her to dislike!)
Snow crab fishermen on P.E.I. are anxious to get out on the water since ice conditions have delayed the season.
The season can open as early as April 15, but a committee made up of Department of Fisheries and Oceans and industry representatives has delayed it this year because of sea ice conditions in the Gulf of St. Lawrence.
Carter Hutt, president of the P.E.I. Snow Crab Association, said conditions are improving.
“Out in the Gulf has actually been changing pretty good but they figured that the harbours and the bays were going to be a problem. There has been a big change this week. There are actually boats in the water now and the harbours and bays are opening up,” he said.
Hutt said another conference call between DFO and the industry is scheduled for April 25. He now expects the opening day will be May 1.
There are currently 28 snow crab fishermen on P.E.I.

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Sunday Morning Funnies # 43

Allan's Perspective


Two medical students were walking along the street when they noticed an old man.
He was walking slowly with his legs spread apart. He looked stiff.
One of them said, “I’m sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome.”
The other said, “No, I don’t think so. He has Zovitzki Syndrome because he walks slowly with his legs apart, just as we learned in class.”
So since they couldn’t agree, they decided to ask the old man.
“As medical students, we couldn’t help but notice how you walk. Would you tell us what you have?”
The old man replied, “I’ll tell you, but first you have to tell me what you two fine medical students think.”
The first student said, “I think it’s Peltry Syndrome.”
“You thought, but you are wrong,” the old man said.
The other student said, “I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome.”
The old man said, “You thought, but you are wrong, too.”
So they asked him, “Well, old timer, what do you have then?”
The old man said, “I thought it was GAS, but I was wrong, too!”
Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc.
This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven’t heard about it..
A ‘heads up’ for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe’s, Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise.
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.
Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic.
Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you or your friends.
Here’s how the scam works:
Two nice-looking, college-aged girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle.
They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. (It’s impossible not to look)
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say ‘No’ but instead ask for a ride to McDonald’s.
You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing.
Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen March 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also April 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, and very likely again this weekend.


A woman at the grocery store went to the register with these items in
her cart:
* a carton of eggs
* a quart of orange juice
* a head of romaine lettuce
* a 2 lb. can of coffee
* a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a
drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,
“You must be single.”
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued
by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly
unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk
to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said “Well, you know what,
you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?”
The drunk replied, “Cause you’re uglier than shit”

Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to
line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy and
beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his penis and they were told that
anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be
ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction.
She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests
until she got to the final priest (Carlos). As she danced, his bell began
to ring so loudly that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground.
Embarrassed, Carlos took a few steps forward, and bent over to pick it up.
Then, all the other bells started to ring…………!

Chinese Wedding Night
A Chinese couple gets married. She’s a virgin and, truth be told, he is none too experienced either.
On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring: “My darring,” he says, “I know dis yo firs time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting – jus anyting you want. Whatchou want?” he asks, trying to sound experienced.
He hopes this will impress his virgin bride.
A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request.
She eventually replies shyly and unsurely, “I want … numba 69.”
Now he is caught up in thoughtful silence. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks,
“You want … Beef wif Broccori?”

Helluva Headache
The doctor said, “Jerry, the good news is that I can cure your
headaches, the bad news is that it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press
on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.
The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”
Jerry was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to
live for. He couldn’t concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he
had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time
in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different
person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men’s clothing store and thought, “That’s what I need – a new
suit.” He entered the shop and told the salesman, “I’d like a new suit.”
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, “Let’s see…size 44
long.” Jerry laughed, “That’s right, how did you know?” “Been in the
business 60 years!” Jerry tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.
As Jerry admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, “How
about a new shirt?” Jerry thought for a moment and then said, “Sure.”
The salesman eyed Jerry and said, “Let’s see…34 sleeve and 16 and a
half neck.” Jerry was surprised, “That’s right, how did you know?” “Been in the
business 60 years!” Jerry tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.
As Jerry adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, “How
about new shoes?” Jerry was on a roll and said, “Sure.” The salesman
eyed Jerry’s feet and said, “Let’s see…9-1/2 E.” Jerry was astonished,
“That’s right, how did you know?” “Been in the business 60 years!”
Jerry tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Jerry walked
comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked,
“How about some new underwear?” Jerry thought for a second and said,
“Sure.” The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe’s waist and said, “Let’s see, size 36.”
Jerry laughed “Ah ha! I got you! I’ve worn size 34 since I was 18 years old.”
The salesman shook his head, “You can’t wear a size 34. A 34 underwear
would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give
you one hell of a headache.”


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Saturday, April 19, 2014

Saturday Morning Confusion: What population explosion?



Folks we got it all wrong.
There is no population explosion! (Matter of fact, it’s the exact opposite bunky.)
Look at it THIS WAY!
Every person alive today has two parents.
But they have four grandparents.
And sixteen grandparents.
We are getting less people with each generation, and with about 7 billion people on this planet right now the Perspective Research Department has calculated that we will be back down to one couple by the year 2115!
(Don’t say I didn’t warn ya!)
By the way, where’s Waldo?

Your long suffering reporter saw this headline on the Internet today!
Putin Tries To Sell Ukraine’s Muslims!
(No word yet on how many there are, or how much he wants for them….., but we will keep you informed!
Speaking of Putin: There is an article in today’s’ Reuters (Owned by Canadian David Thompson) that bears reading!
Special Report: How the U.S. made its Putin problem worse!
You can find it HERE:

the-final-member-documentary-review_9679260_87Sigurdur “Siggi” Hjartarson has made a decision to display his collection of hundreds of carefully preserved mammalian penises — we’re talking the whole spectrum, from a mouse to a mammoth sperm whale organ — at the Iceland Phallological Museum in the small sub-arctic town of Husavik.
Siggi says his wife was complaining about the space his collection took up in the house so he is now moving it to the museum.
Our only question is: Why is there a Phallological Museum in the first place?
A five-year plan to create a new, more prosperous economy on P.E.I. does not appear to have created jobs
The Island Prosperity Strategy, announced in 2008, launched in 2009, aimed to improve average wages on the Island, with one of the architects of the plan predicting they would be the highest in the country by 2014.
The government would invest $200 million to create jobs in bio-science, information technology, aerospace and renewable energy to achieve this goal.
With 2014 here, the government has removed references to the strategy from its Innovation Act. There has been no analysis of what jobs were created by the Island Prosperity Strategy, or of how much money was spent on it.

From celebs to charity workers, politicians to party goers, the obsession with the ‘selfie’ spans far and wide.
Smartphone self-portraits are now fair game in high-level diplomatic meetings as well as college dorms, with snaps being shared widely on social media.

But the selfie phenomenon may be a craze in more ways than one.
imagesExperts have linked taking selfies with mental illness, claiming that some people who obsessively take pictures of themselves may have a form of Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD).
Those with BDD typically have a preoccupation with one or more perceived flaws in their appearance, and tend to be excessively self-conscious.
AND FINALLY: You might remember the story I told about my war with a raccoon one summer!
Well after seeing this clip about a close cousin of these furry bandits, I can understand why they are such pests!

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