THEOLOGY: A lot of really smart people thinking and saying really stupid stuff!

03-good way to do it

Sometimes I think I'm just a bobble-head on the highway of life!

Friday, 17 April 2015

Having kids is hereditary!

Dear Readers:
Today we have a couple of stories from opposite ends of the spectrum that show just how crazy things are getting in this world!
The Meitiv family, who is once again battling CPS in Maryland over allowing their children to go to the playground unsupervised. (Photo: Facebook)
The Maryland parents investigated by Child Protective Services earlier this year after letting their two young kids head to the neighborhood playground by themselves are back in the hot seat after repeating that offense — something Danielle and Alexander Meitiv publicly vowed to do in March, when CPS closed their case. But this time, following an incident in which police picked up their children from the playground and, along with CPS, subjected them to what Danielle has called a “terrifying detainment,” the family is pushing back with a plan to sue both authorities.
“The Meitivs are rightfully outraged by the irresponsible actions of Maryland CPS and Montgomery County Police,” notes the family’s pro bono lawyer, Matthew Dowd, through a press release posted on Danielle’s Facebook page on Tuesday. “We must ask ourselves how we reached the point where a parent’s biggest fear is that government officials will literally seize our children off the streets as they walk in our neighborhoods.”
The Silver Spring family’s saga began in late December, when an anonymous observer alerted Montgomery County Police that the kids, Rafi, 10, and Dvora, 6, were walking alone half a block from their house. The police brought them home, but six cop cars soon showed up, launching CPS to investigate Danielle and Alexander for child neglect. That prompted a national media firestorm, during which the Meitivs explained that they base much of their parenting philosophy on Lenore Skenazy’s book “Free-Range Kids,” which touts children’s independence. Then, in March, CPS closed the case with the somewhat baffling ruling that the parents had been found “responsible for unsubstantiated child neglect,” essentially meaning they were off the hook. It left the Meitivs rattled but determined.
Bad Mama!
An Augusta-area mother of five is accused of hosting a party that included drugs, alcohol, sex and “naked Twister” for teenagers, including her own daughter, according to police.
bad-mamaRachel Lynn Lehnardt, 35, of Evans, was arrested Monday and charged with two counts of contributing to the delinquency of minors, according to the Columbia County Sheriff’s Office. She was later released from jail after posting $3,200 bond.
It was Lehnardt herself who prompted police to investigate the party, the police report states. While meeting with her newly appointed Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor, Lehnardt said she had recently lost custody of her five children, ages 4, 6, 8, 10 and 16, after hosting a party at her house.
When the 16-year-old texted her mom to ask if she could have friends over “to party,” Lehnardt replied, “come on, let’s party,” Lehnardt told her sponsor.
Lehnardt said she allowed the teenagers to smoke marijuana and drink alcohol in her home, according to police. The party-goers then were allowed to play Twister while nude with Lehnardt, who left the game in order to have sex with an 18-year-old in a bathroom, the report states. Lehnardt allegedly demonstrated various sex toys to the group, police said.
The naked party continued in the home’s hot tub, Lehnardt allegedly told her sponsor. Later when Lehnardt was sleeping, she said she awoke to find someone having sex with her and realized it was her daughter’s 16-year-old boyfriend, according to police.
The 41-year-old AA sponsor reported what Lehnardt told her story to police, who also questioned the mother before the arrest

Thursday, 16 April 2015

Wag the Dog!

Dear Readers:
You usually forgiving reporter is slowly getting fed-up with individuals and small interest groups who hold society to ransom with whatever stupid bullshit they are going on about!
The latest case is about a certain Alain Simoneau of Saguenay Quebec who went to a local council meeting seven years ago and decided he didn’t like them saying a small prayer at the beginning of the meeting!
Alain took them to court in an effort to get them to bow to his wishes, and when that didn’t work, he went higher and higher in the judicial system until this week it hit the Supreme Court of Canada.
Well, wouldn’t ya know it, yesterday the Supreme Court sided with this asshole and made saying a prayer at council meetings against the law!
Ladies and gentlemen, I am getting sick and tired of a few individuals trying to make the rest of us do what they want!
I don’t care if it’s a religious group, (read Muslims) a service organization, or a special interest group like PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) we as a society shouldn’t bow down to these agitators and let them tell us how we should act and think!
If it was a street fight the majority would rule every time, but in a court fight ya never know his it’s going to turn out.
The only time we get involved in this sort of a mess is when some asshole feels he or she can wag the dog ……………., and the only reason they feel that way is because we let them!
I’ll give you a small example right here at home to illustrate what I’m talking about.
London, Ontario has a major north – south street in the east end of the city that goes from one end to the other.
All except a one block section between Commissioners and Southdale that is!
This area is an open field where nothing is going on except the occasional train, which runs on tracks right through the middle 0f the field.
So how come no cars?
How come we have to make a 5 km detour to get from one side of Adelaide street to the other!
Because at one time they found some endangered butterflies of frogs in that field and the environmentalists made a big stink about preserving them.
So what about the trains, you might ask?
Well, the trains were there long before all this stupid activism shit started, so they merrily chugged through the field and killed off the butterflies or frogs a long time ago.
But we still can’t drive there!

Wednesday, 15 April 2015

Some Type of Necrophilia?

Dear Readers:
Your ever faithful servant and reporter tries to keep up with all the latest news so that we can supply you with the latest poop on what’s going on in your world ………., and this one takes the cake!
“Hey, wanna go see the body?” may seem like an odd thing to hear at most jobs, but for Bakersfield police trainee Lindy DeGeare, it didn’t seem so unusual when her training officer, Aaron Stringer, reportedly asked her something along those lines after a local man had been killed during a police shootout, the Bakersfield Californian reports.
But what allegedly happened at Kern Medical Center shortly after that has led to an internal investigation of Stringer, who is accused of tickling the dead man’s feet, moving his head around, and telling DeGeare he “loves playing with dead bodies,” per police reports seen by the Californian.
Bakersfield Police Chief Greg Williamson says the allegations are “disturbing,” and Stringer has been placed on paid administrative leave during the investigation.
Read more:
Singer Billy Joel, who is somewhere around 102 years old, just got his 30 something girlfriend pregnant!
1429038018_billy-joel-alexis-roderick-lgThe rep tells Us that Joel and Roderick, 33, are expecting their new addition “this summer.”
The two started dating in 2009, following Joel’s split from his third wife Katie Lee.
The beloved performer was also previously married to first wife Elizabeth Weber Small in the 1970s and early ’80s and then well know model Christie Brinkley.
Rumour has it that Joel is hoping the kid graduates high school before he is sent to an old folks home!
While we are on the subject of having kids when you should be put out to pasture instead …………, get a load of THIS:
images“Children keep me young,” Berlin woman Annegret Raunigk said after the birth of her 13th child nine years ago at age 55. Now 65, Raunigk plans to add four more bundles of joy to her already large family. Raunigk underwent numerous attempts at artificial insemination over 18 months using donor eggs and sperm after her youngest daughter, Leila, asked for a baby brother or sister.
While a pregnancy was planned, Raunigk says it was “a shock for me” when doctors found she quadruplets. “On the scan it was just clear to see.” She is reportedly more than halfway through her pregnancy and the babies are due this summer, People reports, via German newspaper Bild. If all goes as planned, Raunigk, a schoolteacher, will become the world’s oldest mother of quadruplets, reports the AFP.
Read more:
More than 1 million Apple Dick Tracy Watches were pre-ordered last week, on the first day the device went on sale, according to a firm that tracks consumer spending.
Based on receipt data, an estimated 957,000 people in the United States ordered an average of 1.3 watches each on Friday (April 10), spending about $503.83 per device, Slice Intelligence reported.
What is it about the Apple Watch that makes people want the gadget so badly?
There are some likely explanations for why people are crazy about the Apple Watch, which is scheduled to be released on April 24. The conventional view is that it’s merely a cool new gadget, said Markus Giesler, a marketing professor at York University in Canada.
But the real answer is more likely sociological, he said.
Most technology companies sell attribute-oriented benefits, such as functionality or convenience, Giesler said. By contrast, Apple sells emotion and identity. “When you buy an Apple Watch, you’re not just buying this watch — you’re also buying the interface into this matrix Apple has created” — a world that consists of other Apple products, such as the iPhone, iPod, MacBook and iPad, he said.
Yet, the Apple Watch isn’t the first smartwatch or fitness tracker on the market. Similarly, the iPod wasn’t the first portable MP3 player, but Apple was the first “to make it really easy to use and publicize it,” said Scott Thorne, a marketing professor at Southeast Missouri State University. “Same thing with the Apple Watch,” he said.
apple-watch-face[7]People also see the Apple Watch as a way to make their lives more productive and manageable, Giesler said. “Wearable technologies permeate the boundary between where the consumer ends and technology begins,” he told Live Science.
A device like the Apple Watch could help people accomplish goals such as staying healthy, organizing their lives or communicating more easily with others, Giesler said.
“That’s why technology like the Apple Watch comes in handy, for people to have this hope that ‘this technology’s going to make my life so much better,'” he said.
The smartwatch comes in three versions: the Apple Watch (starting at $549), the Watch Sport (starting at $349) and the Watch Edition (which retails for $10,000 to $17,000). Within each version, the prices vary based on the size of the case, the color of the band and, in the case of the Watch Edition, whether the case is 18-karat gold. [Apple Watch Hands-On: Smartwatch to Beat But Pricey]
But who exactly is buying these devices?
Early adopters
Gadget consumers typically fall into one of five categories: innovator, early adopter, early majority, late majority and laggard, Thorne said. “Most Apple fans tend to be in the early-adopter category,” he said. In other words, these are the people who start using a technology as soon as it becomes (publically) available.
The watch requires an iPhone 5 or later model, so “you’re probably not going to get anybody who’s not already an Apple devotee running out to buy this product,” Thorne told Live Science.
And the consumer base is likely much broader than just gadget geeks, Giesler said. The watch could appeal to anyone who looks at him or herself as an “ongoing project,” in terms of fitness, nutrition, learning, career advancement and dating. As for the expensive Apple Watch Edition, these luxury devices will appeal to the rich and famous. The company is buying into the super-rich, “winner-takes-all” philosophy, he said.
But Giesler said he also sees a more sinister side to this gadget-mania. The Apple Watch seems to bring the promise of advancement, he said, “but once we get deeper, we realize that the technology consumes us as much as we consume the technology.”
Apple’s smartwatch also contains a camera and audio-recording capabilities, which come with their own dangers, he said. “Imagine how this technology will create new ways of bullying,” Giesler said. For example, people could use it to record others in embarrassing situations.
And then there’s the fact that you become reachable at all times, via a buzz on your wrist. The technology is no longer just part of an iPhone, Giesler said — “it’s part of your body.”
Thorne, however, takes a less ominous view. “You’re doing the same thing with your phone, anyway,” he said, adding that the majority of people with smartphones have them handy 24 hours a day. Now with the Apple Watch, “it’s a little more convenient for you,” he said.
Follow Tanya Lewis on Twitter. Follow us @livescience, Facebook & Google+. Original article on Live Science.
And Finally:

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Tuesday, 14 April 2015

The French are at it again!

Dear Readers:
Your long suffering reporter fervently believes in that old axiom, “The French are the best second raters in the world” and this article does nothing to dispel that belief!
A Montreal man is criticizing Quebec language laws after a clerk at a local Toys “R” Us told him he was wasn’t allowed to purchase a talking plush toy for his daughter because it only speaks and sings in English.
Nick Messina tried to purchase the Daniel Tiger toy for his one-year-old daughter, Carina, after noticing her eyes “lit up” while watching the popular children’s TV show Daniel Tiger’s Neighbourhood.
Hoping to buy it as an Easter gift, he drove to his nearest Toys “R” Us, but it wasn’t in stock.
He called another Toys “R” Us in Montreal, and was informed by the clerk that two of the toys were in stock, but that Messina couldn’t buy it because it was unilingual.
‘It’s kind of saddening.’- Nick Messina, father
Daniel Tiger talks and sings 14 different phrases — all in English.
Messina said the clerk thanked him for letting them know the toy only spoke English, and said it would be shipped back to Ontario.
“I kind of felt a little bit turned off. I felt it was discriminatory against the English-speaking community in Montreal. After all, Montreal is multi-ethnic, multicultural,” he said.
Not giving up, the father tried to purchase the doll online — only to discover the Toys “R” Us website wouldn’t ship the product to Quebec.
Messina didn’t know until a few weeks ago, but because of Quebec’s language laws, it’s illegal to sell a unilingual toy unless it has a French-speaking counterpart.
He says it should be up to parents — not the province — to determine the toys they can buy for their kids.
“I don’t understand why, when it comes to the choice of purchasing a toy for our children, that we have to be subjected to these kinds of rules and regulations,” he said.
“It’s kind of saddening.”
In a statement to CBC News, a spokeswoman from Toys “R” Us apologized for the inconvenience, but said the toy shouldn’t have been on the shelves.
“Toys ‘R’ Us shipped in error the English-speaking product to one of our Quebec stores and a customer tried to purchase it. Our store did not sell the product to the customer and we apologized for the inconvenience that this caused our customer. We immediately communicated to our store that this product cannot be sold,” said the statement.
Messina’s perseverance paid off.
He managed to buy the doll eventually, on Amazon, for about $50 more than the Toys “R” Us price.
Though it was more than her dad had planned to pay for the doll, Carina adores her new toy.

Eat cheese, get laid!

O.K. folks, read the following article, and then remember ……., ya heard it here first!
A survey by dating social network site Skout, cheese heads get more action.
Skout surveyed a total of 4,600 people.
Grilled cheese yields more sex, better people!
Thirty-two percent of grilled cheese lovers reported having sex at least six times a month, whereas only 27 percent of grilled cheese haters said they have sex that often.
According to the survey, the ultimate grilled cheese would be a mix of American and cheddar cheese without toppings, sandwiched between white bread with the crust left on.
Sounds simple enough. The highlights of the survey:
– 86 percent of adults surveyed say they “love” grilled cheese sandwiches.
– 73 percent of people who love grilled cheese sandwiches have sex at least once a month vs. 68 percent of those who don’t care for the sandwich.
– 32 percent of grilled cheese sandwich lovers have sex at least six times a month vs. 27 percent who pass on the melted goodness.
– 81 percent of people who love grilled cheese sandwiches say they have donated their time, money or food to those in need. Only 66 percent of people who dislike grilled cheese say they are as generous.
– While a grilled cheese sandwich may seem like a safe, All-American meal, 88 percent of grilled cheese fans say they are “fairly” or “very” adventurous. Only 75 percent of people who dislike grilled cheese sandwiches say the same.
– 84 percent of grilled cheese sandwich fans love to travel, compared to 78 percent of people who dislike the sandwich.
– 60 percent of adults surveyed say they prefer a grilled cheese sandwich that mixes two types of cheeses. Only 40 percent are grilled cheese purists.
– The most popular cheese is American (41 percent) followed by Cheddar (33 percent), Mozzarella (10 percent), Swiss (8 percent), Provolone (6 percent) and Brie (2 percent).
– White bread is by far the most popular choice (51 percent) followed by wheat (29 percent), sourdough (13 percent), rye (4 percent) and a baguette (3 percent).
– 47 percent say they add extras to their grilled cheese sandwich, like pesto and tomato.53 percent say “just cheese, please!” 28 percent of people who say they usually pass on a grilled cheese sandwich say that if they were to order it, they’d remove the crust. Only 10 percent of people who love grilled cheese sandwiches would remove the crust./–more-sex-better-people/25689169/
A 30-year-old man suffering from a terminal muscle-wasting disease hopes to be the world’s first recipient of a head transplant.
Valery Spiridinov suffers from a rare muscle wasting disease
Spiridinov has Werdnig-Hoffman disease, a rare genetic condition which stops his muscles growing, meaning they cannot support his adult skeleton.
He told the Mail Online: “Am I afraid? Yes of course I am. But it is not just very scary, but also very interesting.
“But you have to understand that I don’t really have many choices. If I don’t try this chance my fate will be very sad. With every year my state is getting worse.”
o-SERGIO-CANAVERO-570Dr Sergio Canavero hopes to perform the operation within the next two years
Dr Canavero via a paper published in Surgical Neurology International.
He proposes that after severing the head from the body via a clean cut to the spinal column, it would be attached to a living donor body.
Once the major nerves and arteries have been rejoined, the spinal column would be injected with polyethylene glyco, a substance that encourages the fat in cell membranes to join.
In 1971 a Dr Robert White transplanted the head of one monkey onto the body of another
o-HEAD-TRANSPLANT-570The patient would then be placed into an induced coma for several weeks while electrodes would be used to stimulate new nerve connections between the head and the body.
The recipient would be able to speak with the same voice claims Dr Canavero, adding with physiotherapy they would be able to walk within a year.
Dr Canavero and Spiridinov have not yet met and have only communicated via Skype thus far, but they have reportedly been discussing the operation for two years.

(Head transplants have been carried out on dogs, monkeys, mice, etc., all with varying degrees of success. -Ed.)
Just so you don’t think this whole thing is a joke, or a hoax, kids, we have proof of some of the animals the good doctor has already performed a head transplant on!

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Monday, 13 April 2015


17865-Clipart-Illustration-Of-A-Nude-Middle-Aged-Cacuasian-Woman-With-Black-Curly-Hair-Preparing-To-Take-A-ShowerThe Ontario government tried to introduce a new sex education course to public school kids a few month ago and it included such things as discussions about masturbation, trans-gender issues, same sex couples and much more.
Now I’m bringing this up for a couple of reasons kids.
First of all, we’re not sure if some of these topics are suitable for a high school classroom, let alone a public school group where the average age would be 10 – 14.
Second, one of the authors of the syllabus for this course is former deputy education minister of Ontario, Benjamin Levin, who has just been convicted of child pornography …….., and the Premier of Ontario is a lesbian!
Am I the only one who thinks there is something seriously wrong with this whole thing?
A gargantuan blob of warm water that’s been parked off the West Coast for 18 months is part of a larger pattern that helps explain California’s drought, Washington’s snow-starved ski resorts and record blizzards and cold temperatures here on the East Coast, according to new analyses by Seattle scientists.
(The researchers aren’t convinced global warming is to blame, which puts them at odds with other experts who suspect Arctic melting upset the “polar vortex” and contributed to the misery on the East Coast the past two winters.)
University of Washington climate scientist Nick Bond coined the term “the blob” to describe the pool of water, up to 12.6 degrees Celsius warmer than usual, that blossomed offshore in the fall of 2013. It’s still there, hundreds of miles wide and stretching from Alaska to Mexico.
Average temperatures are now about 6.5 degrees above normal, and climate models predict the anomaly will persist through the end of the year.
In February 2014, the temperature spikes were the most extreme in at least 30 years, and possibly in more than a century.
The researchers found that the presence of the blob also influenced Northwest weather by warming and humidifying onshore flows, which contributed to last year’s muggy summer and thunderstorms that sparked the biggest wildfire in state history.
Rutgers University research professor Jennifer Francis is among those who argue that Arctic melting destabilizes the wind pattern called the polar vortex, which normally confines frigid air to the planet’s far north.
The result is a weakened jet stream with kinks that can deliver extreme weather where it’s not expected.
Francis said there’s good evidence that rapid warming near the North Pole intensifies high-pressure ridges, setting the stage for odd and long-lasting weather patterns.
Police said a woman who was wearing no pants and highly intoxicated was arrested around 1 a.m. Friday in Dayton, while outside banging on an apartment door.
The woman is in the Montgomery County Jail, facing public indecency and disorderly conduct charges. She’s identified as Ashley Sturgill, 27.
According to the Dayton Police report, they were called about a suspicious person complaint with possible sex acts involved.
The officers found Sturgill loudly banging on a door where, it was later determined, she was no longer welcome because of her behavior.
Police tried to get the woman to put on her pants, located on the ground nearby. Instead, the officer reports the woman picked up a white garbage bag, full of trash, and tried to put it on like pants. In the process, she reportedly cut her foot on broken glass.
The wound was photographed to log her injury, then Sturgill was taken to jail ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, with her pants on!
Back when I was a teenager, and in my early twenties, we lived in downtown Toronto and came across a beautiful way to get out of paying for parking tickets.
Basically we just parked wherever we wanted, night and day, and then once or twice a year we would address the problem of mounting fines and penalties.
This involved going to a police station at about 10 o’clock on a Friday night and asking the desk sergeant if we had any outstanding parking fines.
(Oh, did I mention that you had to go in a decent state of intoxication in order to sleep away the night!)
Anyway, after checking us out, the cop said we owed such and such in unpaid fines, and how did we want to pay for them.
Now here’s the rub, bunky!
After pleading poverty to the man in charge he said we would have to be locked up for three days.
Since we came on a Friday night that counted as one day, Saturday was the second day, and Sunday was the third day ………………………., BUT, they didn’t let you out on a Sunday back then so we go released out on Saturday …………, and the day you were release it had to be before noon!
We went in on a Friday night, woke up with a hangover on Saturday morning, and then back on the street by noon!
Sure beat paying for the tickets, but now-a-days people aren’t so lucky!
The City of Regina says it’s using all the powers at its disposal to collect fines from the city’s worst parking violators.
Data from the city shows the top 5 violators are all private vehicles with an outstanding bill of more than $20,000 each in unpaid tickets.
The top five racked up $134,000, with the worst offender having a $34,000 tab.
Top 5 violators owe:
- $34,000
- $27,000
- $26,000
- $24,000
- $23,000
City officials say municipal bylaws and provincial laws are being used to track down the money.
That can include placing a lien on a vehicle, sending a collection agency after the driver, getting a judge involved to force payment or even seizing and selling a vehicle.
Last year, the city doubled the number of parking attendants handing out tickets. It also bumped up the fine to $55 from $45, as well as doubling to the cost of the “early payment” option to $20.
At the time, the city said it was trying to discourage long-term parking at downtown meters, and it expected to bring in $700,000 more each year.
City officials won’t comment on any of the details of the cases it’s taking action against

Sunday, 12 April 2015

Sunday Morning Funnies # 32

A man turns to his wife in bed and whispers “Did you know it’s National Orgasm Day?”
“Oh, what a pity,” she smiled, “Right in the middle of National Headache Week !!”
WINDOWS: Please enter your new password:
USER: cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
USER: boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
USER: 1 boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
USER: 50damnboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.
comp10USER: 50DAMNboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.
USER: 50damnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon’tGiveMeAccessNow!
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
USER: ReallyPissedOff50DamnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow
WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, “Son, how old are you?”
Eight’, the boy replied.
drama5The man continued, ‘Do you know what these are used for?’
The boy replied, ‘Not exactly, but they aren’t for me.
They’re for him.
He’s my brother.
He’s four.”
“Oh, really?” the pharmacist replied with a grin.
“Yes.” the boy said. “We saw on TV that if you have these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike.
Right now, he can’t do none of those.”
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.”
The Irishman replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I’m here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I drinks one for each o’ me brothers and one for me self.”
drunk3The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.”
The Irishman looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. “Oh, no, everybody’s just fine,” He explains, “It’s just that me wife had us join that Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. ‘Hasn’t affected me brothers a bit though.
Butcher Dance
A guy has spent five years traveling all around the world making a documentary on Native dances. At the end of this time, he has every single native dance of every indigenous culture in the world on film. He winds up in Australia, in Alice Springs, so he pops into a pub for a well earned beer. He gets talking to one of the local Aborigines and tells him about his project.
The Aborigine asks the guy what he thought of the “Butcher Dance.”
dancing8The guy’s a bit confused and says, “Butcher Dance? What’s that?”
“What? You no see Butcher Dance?”
“No, I’ve never heard of it.”
“Oh mate. You crazy. How you say you film every native dance if you no see Butcher Dance?”
“UmmSUM. I got a corroborree on film just the other week. Is that what you mean?”
“No no, not corroborree. Butcher Dance much more important than corroborree.”
“Oh, well how can I see this Butcher Dance then?”
“Mate, Butcher Dance right out bush. Many days travel to go see Butcher Dance.”
“Look, I’ve been everywhere from the forests of the Amazon, to deepest darkest Africa, to the frozen wastes of the Arctic filming these dances. Nothing will prevent me from recording this one last dance.”
“OK, mate. You drive north along highway towards Darwin. After you drive 197 miles, you see dirt track veer off to left. Follow dirt track for 126 miles ’til you see big huge dead gum tree – biggest tree you ever see. Here you gotta leave the car, because much too rough for driving.
You strike out due west into setting sun. You walk 3 days ’til you hit creek. You follow this creek to Northwest. After 2 days you find where creek flows out of rocky mountains. Much too difficult to cross mountains here though. You now head south for half day ’til you see pass through mountains.
Pass very difficult and very dangerous. Take 2, maybe 3 days to get through rocky pass. When through, head northwest for 4 days ’til reach big huge rock – 20 ft high and shaped like man’s head. From rock, walk due west for 2 days and you find village. Here you see Butcher Dance.”
So the guy grabs his camera crew and equipment and heads out. After a couple of hours he finds the dirt track. The track is in a shocking state and he’s forced to crawl along at a snails pace and so he doesn’t reach the tree until dusk and he’s forced to set up camp for the night.
He sets out bright and early the following morning. His spirits are high and he’s excited about the prospect of capturing on film this mysterious dance which he had never heard mention of before.
True to the directions he has been given, he reaches the creek after three days and follows it for another two until they reach the rocky mountains. The merciless sun is starting to take its toll by this time and his spirits are starting to flag, but wearily he trudges on until he finds the pass through the hills – nothing will prevent him from completing his life’s dream.
The mountains prove to be every bit as treacherous as their guide said and at times they almost despair of getting their bulky equipment through. But after three and a half days of back breaking effort they finally force their way clear and continue their long trek.
When they reach the huge rock, four days later, their water is running low and their feet are covered with blisters. Yet they steel themselves and head out on the last leg of their journey.
Two days later they virtually stagger into the village where the natives feed them and give them fresh water. They begin to feel like new men.
Once he’s recovered enough, the guy goes before the village chief and tells him that he has come to film their Butcher Dance.
“Oh mate. Very bad you come today. Butcher Dance last night. You too late. You miss dance.”
“Well, when do you hold the next dance?”
“Not ’til next year.”
“Well, I’ve come all this way. Couldn’t you just hold an extra dance for me, tonight?”
“No, no, no! Butcher Dance very holy. Only hold once a year. If hold more, gods get very angry and destroy village! You want see Butcher Dance you come back next year.”
The guy is devastated, but he has no other option but to head back to civilization and back home.
The following year, he heads back to Australia and, determined not to miss out again, sets out a week earlier than last time. He is quite willing to spend a week in the village before the dance is performed in order to ensure he is present to witness it. However, right from the start things go wrong.
Heavy rains that year have turned the dirt track to mud and the car gets bogged every few miles, finally forcing them to abandon their vehicles and slog through the mud on foot almost half the distance to the tree.
They reach the creek and the mountains without any further hitch, but halfway through the ascent of the mountain they are struck by a fierce storm which rages for several days, during which they are forced to cling forlornly to the mountainside until it subsides. It would be suicide to attempt to scale the treacherous paths in the face of such savage elements.
Then, before they have traveled a mile out from the mountains, one of the crew sprains his ankle badly which slows down the rest of their journey enormously, to the rock and then the village.
Eventually, having lost all sense of how long they have been traveling, they stagger into the village at about 12:00 noon.
“The Butcher Dance!” gasps the guy. “Please don’t tell me I’m too late!”
The chief recognizes him and says “No, white fella. Butcher Dance performed tonight. You come just in time.”
Relieved beyond measure, the crew spends the rest of the afternoon setting up their equipment – preparing to capture the night’s ritual on celluloid as dusk falls, the natives start to cover their bodies in white paint and adorn themselves in all manner of bird’s feathers and animal skins.
Once darkness has settled fully over the land, the natives form a circle around a huge roaring fire.
A deathly hush descends over performers and spectators alike as a wizened old figure with elaborate swirling designs covering his entire body enters the circle and begins to chant. Some sort of witch doctor or medicine man, figures the guy and he whispers to the chief, “What’s he doing?”
“Hush,” whispers the chief. “You first white man ever to see most sacred of our rituals. Must remain silent. Holy man, he asks that the spirits of the dream world watch as we demonstrate our devotion to them through our dance and, if they like our dancing, will they be so gracious as to watch over us and protect us for another year.”
The chanting of the Holy man reaches a stunning crescendo before he moves himself from the circle. From somewhere the rhythmic pounding of drums booms out across the land and the natives begin to sway to the stirring rhythm.
The guy is becoming caught up in the fervor of the moment himself. This is it. He now realizes beyond all doubt that his wait has not been in vain. He is about to witness the ultimate performance of rhythm and movement ever conceived by mankind.
The chief strides to his position in the circle and, in a big booming voice, starts to sing,
He says, “You butch yer right arm in. You butch yer right arm out. You butch yer right arm in and you shake it all about.”
And Finally:

A Brief History Of The Universe

A history of the Universe, the short story:
‘Hydrogen is a light, odorless gas, which, given enough time, turns into people.’

Saturday, 11 April 2015

Saturday Morning Confusion # 49

Seems I don’t know who to believe anymore kids!
The CBC is on a campaign to flog what they call the missing and/or murdered native women across Canada and it makes the news every night. You would think there is a vat network of guys like Robert Pickton who are abducting and killing girls left right and center ……, while at the same time no one talks about the RCMP report that says over 90% of the cases have been solved and over 70% of the murdered women were killed by someone on the reserve!
This means a husband of common law partner, folks!
I guess it’s not as newsworthy when a bunch of Indians are killing themselves, so they promote a vast conspiracy to kill native women by white guys!
I also don’t understand what motivates Dell “Super Dell” Schanze to pull some of the stunts he has pulled in the past!
A plea deal for a former TV pitchman in Utah accused of kicking a barn owl in flight while riding a motorized paraglider fell through Thursday when he refused to admit to a crime he said makes him look like an evil, horrible person.
Dell “Super Dell” Schanze — known in Utah for his shrill, hyperactive TV commercials for his Totally Awesome Computers retail chain that has since closed — once again turned a court hearing into a spectacle. It started when he arrived about five minutes late and entered court wearing dark sunglasses, a tight-fitting black turtleneck, tennis shoes and a fanny pack.
When U.S. District Judge Dee Benson began reading through the plea deal, Schanze answered “yes sir” to the first few questions but then balked after Benson asked him if it was true that he knowingly harassed the owl in February or March of 2011.
“No sir,” Schanze said.
“I’m going to go out on a limb here, what part isn’t true?” Benson said.
“Pretty much all of it, but I’m willing to plea to it if we can finish this today,” Schanze said.
2602ee8cba40423daf874bd9f879b39d-63b8db4e54684c6ea2386f8c3a7c3321-0The judge explained to Schanze that he couldn’t accept a plea deal without an admission to the facts. Schanze’s attorney, Kent Hart, spoke with him several times and the judge at one point brought both attorneys to the bench.
But Schanze never budged, refusing to accept the facts.
“Do you not see the conundrum?” Schanze told the judge. “I’m not an evil, horrible guy and I’m not going to lie.”
Benson told Schanze nobody was accusing him of being evil and reminded him that nobody was forcing him to accept the deal.
“You don’t have to and believe me, I don’t care,” Benson said. “This is all up to you.”
When Schanze refused again, Benson ended the hearing and ordered the case to trial, set to begin on April 20.
Schanze has pleaded not guilty to the misdemeanor charge of knowingly using an aircraft to harass wildlife and pursuing a migratory bird. He faces a maximum of one year in jail and a $100,000 fine, the judge said.
imagesThe charges, filed in October, came after a federal investigation into a video that surfaced online last year and appeared to show a paraglider near Utah Lake kicking a soaring owl and boasting about it.
The U.S. Attorney’s Office declined comment after the hearing.
Schanze and his attorney also declined comment outside court, but Schanze proceeded to go into a rant as he left the court about the satanic media that tells lies.
Thursday was not the first time Schanze has made a sideshow out of a court hearing. At his initial appearance in December, he was handcuffed and briefly held in contempt after being disruptive and combative with a federal judge.
Schanze closed the retail computer stores in 2006 amid sinking sales and legal troubles. He unsuccessfully ran for political office, including a Libertarian bid for governor.
Schanze’s paragliding has previously run afoul of the law. In 2006, he was charged with disorderly conduct after flying low near Interstate 15 at rush hour. He kissed the feet of a fan who paid his $300 fine in the case.
Five years later, Schanze was arrested in Oregon after allegedly jumping off the 125-foot-tall Astoria Column. He said outside the jail that the government was stifling his creativity.
First of all folks, I don’t know why someone thought of doing this survey in the first place, and second, I don’t know why anyone would go ahead with this type of a survey once they did!
By Samantha Jordan
grilled_cheeseLike grilled cheese? Turns out, you may be having a lot more fun in the bedroom than most people.
A new survey by the dating site Skout finds that grilled-cheese-sandwich-lovers have a more active sex life, with 32 percent getting it on more than 6 times a month. That’s compared to just 27 percent of people who don’t like grilled cheese. Also, 63 percent of those surveyed who don’t like the snack say they have sex at least once each month, whereas 73 percent who enjoy the cheesy goodness are going at the same pace.
But it’s not just sex that grilled cheese lovers enjoy. The survey says 84 percent of them are more adventurous and like to travel, compared to 78 percent of nonlovers. They are also more generous: 81 percent vs. 66 percent.
Now that we know how your feelings toward grilled cheese affect the bedroom, the survey also touched on what kind of cheese people like to use and whether they like their sandwiches with crust or no crust.
According to the LA Times, the most popular cheese is American, favored by 41%, followed by cheddar (33 percent), mozzarella (10 percent), Swiss (8 percent), provolone (6 percent) and brie (2 percent). Anyone who has actually tried a brie grilled cheese sandwich knows that percentage should be much higher.
wedding_rings_0_1420814392A New York woman has, according to police, gotten married a few too many times, and she’s now facing felony fraud charges.
Authorities say Liana Barrientos, reported as being 38 or 39, has gotten married 10 times in 11 years, the New York Daily News reports, with six of those marriages allegedly occurring between February and August of 2002.
She’s never gotten divorced, according to the Daily News and ABC 7, though others report differently:
1144045-Cartoon-Of-A-Chorus-Line-Of-Naked-Men-Dancing-The-Can-Can-Royalty-Free-Vector-ClipartThe New York Post holds that at least one husband filed for divorce and a second “dumped her,” placing her number of concurrent marriages at eight; the New York Times reports she’s actually divorced from her first two husbands and two others, but that those splits happened “long after marrying 3 through 9.”
The latest alleged nuptials were in 2010, when Barrientos is said to have married a man named Salle Keita
Read more: