Sunday Morning Funnies!

Frank Feldman

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by.
He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time.
Like my coming along when you needed a cab. Things happen like that to Frank Feldman every
single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everyone."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete.
He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis.
He could golf with the pros.
He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star,
and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more.
He had a memory like a computer.
He remembered everybody's birthday.
He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with.
He could fix anything.
Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out.
But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."

Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and
avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He
was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank. He died.
I'm married to his fucking widow"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why Papa?


The young Arab asked his father:

"What is this weird hat that we are wearing??"

"It's a "chechia",.... because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun !!"

"And what is this type of clothing that we are wearing ??"

"It's a "djbellah" because in the desert it is very hot and it protects your body !!"

"And what are these ugly shoes that we have on our feet ??"

"These are "babouches", which keep us from burning our feet when we walk in the desert !!"

"Tell me, papa"...

"Yes, my son?"

"Why are we living in Brampton , and still wearing all this shit?"

-------------------------------------------------------------

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband.
'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'

----------------------------------

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'

-----------------------------------

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked.. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied 'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive care.

-----------------------------------

This isn't funny, but it's true!

A desperate Turkish man living in Germany has turned to the police for protection from his insatiable wife's constant demands for sex, authorities said on Wednesday.