Sunday Morning Funnies!

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.

One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.

Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!
Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.

Running around, the chicken spied the farmer’s new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend’s life. Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.

After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer’s bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!
Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best buddies, best pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!

The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.
Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hang-down thingy and he would then lift him out of the pit.
The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.
The moral of the story? (Yep. You bet you. There is a moral!)
‘When you’re hung like a horse, you don’t need a Harley to pick up chicks!
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There Are Only Nine Questions. This is a quiz for people who know everything!   I found out in a hurry that I didn’t. These are not trick questions.  They are straight questions with straight answers.

1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?
3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several  growing seasons..  All other vegetables must be replanted every year.  What are the only two perennial vegetables?
4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?
5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn’t been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?
6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters ‘ dw’ and they are all common words.. Name two of them.
7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?
8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh..
9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter ‘S.’
Answers To The Quiz:
1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends:   Boxing.
2. North American landmark constantly moving backward:   Niagara Falls ..   (The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.)
3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons: Asparagus and rhubarb.
4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside:   Strawberry.
5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle?   It grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.
6. Three English words beginning with dw:   Dwarf, dwell, and dwindle.
7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar:   Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.
8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh:   Lettuce..
9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with ‘S’:   Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.

PLEASE DO YOUR PART… Today is National Mental Health Day.
You can do your part by remembering to send this e-mail to at least one mentally-challenged person.

Well, my job’s done!
Just don’t send it back to me. I’ve already flunked it once!
REPLYING TO AN INVITATION TO A SCIENTIST’S BALL
•    Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm.
•    Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend.
•    Volta was electrified and Archimedes, buoyant at the thought.
•    Ampere was worried he wasn’t up to current research.
•    Ohm resisted the idea at first.
•    Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
•    Edison thought it would be an illuminating experience.
•    Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam.
•    Stephenson thought the whole idea was loco.
•    Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight.
•    Dr Jekyll declined — he hadn’t been feeling himself lately.
•    Morse’s reply: “I’ll be there on the dot. Can’t stop now must dash.”
•    Heisenberg was uncertain if he could make it.
•    Hertz said in the future he planned to attend with greater frequency.
•    Henry begged off due to a low capacity for alcohol.
•    Audobon said he’d have to wing it.
•    Hawking said he’d try to string enough time together to make a space in his schedule.
•    Darwin said he’d have to see what evolved.
•    Schrodinger had to take his cat to the vet, or did he?
•    Mendel said he’d put some things together and see what came out.
•    Descartes said he’d think about it.
•    Newton was moved to attend.
•    Pavlov was drooling at the thought.
•    Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetic personality.
(Next year I’m going to play the ultimate April Fools joke on everybody…………., I’m doing it on May 1st.)