I am NOT a racist, I’m a culturalist!

                                                          

   

                  

Dear Readers:

I started out many years ago saying: I’M NOT A RACIST …………………., I’M A CULTURALIST!

In other words, I don’t care if you’re black, yellow, green white, red or purple ………………, that’s got nothing to do with anything!

BUT!

If you’re a black, yellow  or white “low life” without an education and no desire to better yourself, or a black, white or yellow gang member with no intention of fitting in with normal society, or any other group that does not value hard work and ambition, then you and your friends are in a cultural dead end, bunky!

How far you get in life does not depend on your race, but your culture can have a major influence in how you not only see the world, but how your react to it as well!

So you see folks, stereotypes can have a big influence on what sort of a person YOU end up as, and if you don’t like your lot in life, then join some other group!

Even  countries have their own distinct culture that has a bearing on how their fortunes rise and fall over the years!

(As a matter of fact, even first world countries are influenced by what type of society they live in!)

Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks are French, the
mechanics German, the lovers Italian and it’s all organised by the Swiss.

Hell is where the chefs are British, the mechanics French, the
lover’s Swiss, the police German, and it’s all organised by the Italians.

Now for your reading enjoyment, this is a personality test taken by a true Canadian!

I recently took one of those personality tests that are designed to expose antisocial tendencies, before they have the opportunity to manifest into aberrant criminal behavior.

 Overall I managed to say what I thought they wanted to hear, in order to get a score that would impress my family and friends. The computer-generated comment said I should consider employment in the hospitality field, because I was obviously a very polite person.

 I recently had the opportunity to question that assumption, when I was in the local big box bookstore. I took a short cut through the magazine section. The aisle was crowded, and to get by one older gentleman, who stood reading, I was forced to cut between him and the rack.

 The reader responded by saying loudly to my back, that when someone cuts in front of another person like that, they should say, “excuse me”.

 I turned and scowled, searching my mind for a suitably pithy response. Lots of clever replies came to mind. (I am after all a humour writer.) But ever mindful of the responsibility that’s thrust upon public figures to lead by example, I skipped the most scathing of my possible responses. I gave him an insincere smile and carried on. Later I thought about my hard-wired Canadian politeness.

 People I meet in the US often comment on how polite Canadians are. This stereotype usually annoys me and I invariable begin disagreeing with them, in an attempt to instigate some hostile interaction, that might shake up their preconceptions.

 But I can see why they think that way. A good deal of our politeness could be attributed to the fact that our country is right next door to the USofA, and we learned pretty early in our history to avoid offending the world’s only super-bully.

 Granted we licked them good in the War of 1812, sending them scurrying back to Tennessee with their Daniel Boone caps were the sun don’t shine.

 But those victories are few and far between. These days we politely accept that they have the right to ship our citizens off to other countries to be tortured or we agree to support a missile defense system that would see incoming ICBMs shot down over our heads and land in the local schoolyard.

 

Then too, we politely welcome the big US retailers and manufacturers into the country, so they can squeeze out all our little guys and take over our economy, without even firing a shot.

 Should it seem apparent that our fresh water and oil reserves were about to fall into ‘foreign’ hands, some citizens would politely welcome the Marines at the Rainbow Bridge offering discounts on hotel accommodations and car rentals and apologizing for the cold weather.

But when it gets down to the push and shove of everyday life we might be lacking in some of the finer social etiquette. For example, if we were truly polite people by nature, our national sport, hockey, would be a whole lot different than it is.

There would be no sucker punches or swearing during a hockey game. Every altercation would be interrupted by United Nations Peace Keepers wearing blue hockey helmets and swooping onto the ice in dangerously unsafe little jeeps.

If hockey really is a Canadian sport, when the referee dropped the puck the players, lacking a door to hold open for each other, would offer the puck to each other. “Go ahead and take it,” one would say. “No, you first,” the other would respond. Then they’d crack heads as they both bent over for it, at the same time. 

Or during a face off a rookie might turn to the referee and say, “Excuse me I think you dropped this,” pick up the puck and politely hand it back to him.

 If you wanted to get the puck from the other team you’d just have to ask nicely, wave your hand in the air and accept the pass with a “thank you”. Not saying thank you and you’re welcome would be considered penalty offenses.

 When the other team came down the ice trying to score, the goalie would do his best to get out of the way. And off course the player rushing at the net would purposely try not to score to avoid hurting the goalie’s feelings. Games with 0-0 scores would be the rule, rather than the exception.

 At the end of the game each player who’d spent time in the penalty box would take his turn at the microphone, apologizing to the other players and their moms, and promising never to be rude again.

 No I’m not entirely convinced we’re as polite as perceptions indicate. Jim Carrie has done his part to peel back thin veneer and disclose some of the rougher elements in the Canadian character. But we still have a long way to go.

 One wag at the local watering hole suggested we have a day when people can forego being polite. He describes it as an opportunity to let go of  ‘nice, nice’ and get in touch with our real feelings.

 I suspect he’s just looking for an opportunity to be his real self, without the aid of intoxicating beverages.

AND FINALLY:

Here is the sort of thing a true Canadian engages in:  Two people were detained for allegedly having sex on an Air Canada flight this weekend.
The woman, 24, and man, 38, were detained when Air Canada flight 610 from Toronto landed in Halifax, N.S., on Friday evening.

Sgt. Alain LeBlanc of the RCMP said officers received a call that the pair were “involved in a sexual act” on the flight.

Police spoke to the pair in the Halifax terminal after flight crews pointed them out.

Unfortunately, authorities did not specify what sort of sex act was involved ……………………., or where it took place.

Was it in the seats? (Hopefully under a blanket)

Was it in the washroom?

Was it right out in the isle, or up in the galley?
Guess we’ll never know!

fini