Well, folks, we finally did it!
The Perspective Research Department, along with the Naked News staff, have finally found a direct correlation between guns and dick size!
After years of study and conjecture, we began to realize that men in the NRA had a unusual, and unhealthy fascination ………, no, let’s make that OBSESSION, with the size of their “Johnson!”

1057885-Royalty-Free-Clip-Art-Illustration-Of-A-Hairy-Nude-Shy-Man-Covering-Himself-Up-With-His-ArmsThat’s right kids, the more freedom they wanted to carry, and show off their guns, the more they were fixated on having a big dick!
Naturally, most of them don’t have a big dick, so this was a direct cause of all the anger and frustration they exhibit when out in public!
We determined that for every inch of undersized penis these men were exhibiting, it caused a similar, exponential increase, in the size and number of their guns!
(Just thought you’d like to know!)
Ontario’s media conglomerates have continued in the storied, yet controversial, tradition of political endorsements.
The province’s — and country’s — two most widely circulated newspapers, the Toronto Star and Globe and Mail have now each backed a political party for Thursday’s election.
The editorial board at the Globe was first out of the gate on Friday when it announced it would be endorsing Tim Hudak’s Progressive Conservatives.
“[The Tories] deserve praise for taking a hard line with public servants, calling for an across-the-board wage freeze. Union attacks on Mr. Hudak, and support for Ms. Wynne, leave a reasonable apprehension that the Liberals won’t be firm in future contract talks. And absent a willingness to stand up to its own supporters, a Liberal government will miss its budget targets. Mr. Hudak also has the right idea on business subsidies: Get rid of them
Meanwhile: The Toronto Star — which is often accused of being Liberal-friendly — is endorsing the Liberals and lauding leader Kathleen Wynne’s “political skills and personal integrity.”
“In the 16 months since she took over as premier and Liberal leader, Wynne has charted a new course and disavowed the costly mistakes of her predecessor, Dalton McGuinty. More importantly, she has put forward an ambitious, progressive agenda that speaks to real needs — pension reform, funding for transit in the gridlocked GTA, home care, unlocking the potential of northern resources and more. “Instead, Hudak bet everything on his signature ‘million jobs plan,’ a fantasy scheme that economists from both right and left have laughed out of the room.”
And just in case you’re wondering, The Cochrane Muskrat Herald is endorsing the NDP!

The latest Urban legend has Charles Manson being granted parole for the murders of Sharon Tate etc.
Just a false runour kids, this guy will never see daylight again!
Just read an article about 10 things ya didn’t know about cats!

One of the things is that cats won’t land on their feet unless they can see the ground first! In other words, I ya hold a cat upside down a couple of feet off the ground, with its paws up and looking straight up………………., it won’t have time to look down, orient itself, and then turn around and land on its feet.
imagesAPZH8LRHAny higher than that, and they have time to position themselves, and will always land on their feet!
This is a fact kids, because I know a guy who had a cat that jumped out of a tenth story window, and sure enough ………., it landed on its feet!
(It didn’t go anywhere, but it did land on its feet!)
Talk about flying out of a window!
Well, OK, it wasn’t out a window, but a guy took off from the roof of a 45 story hotel yesterday!

A woman is under investigation after her husband’s dead body was left in their home for nine months and fed on by birds, authorities said.
Investigators recently found the body of 89-year-old Gerald Gavan, Jr., on the living room floor of the couple’s home.
He had been dead since the fall, 2013.
Investigators are trying to determine whether Gavan’s wife, Ila Solomon, had a financial motive for not reporting her husband’s death.
His body had shriveled down to almost nothing and was becoming partially mummified, according to police.

Solomon told investigators she sometimes let birds come in to feast on the corpse in what’s known as a “sky burial” among Tibetan Buddhists.
(By the way, she is not Tibetan …………….., or a Buddhist!)
Well, well, for the first time this year the Great lakes are finally “ice-free!”

For the first time since the end of last November, there is finally no ice left on the Great Lakes. Goodbye and good riddance to the winter that just wouldn’t die. Now that there’s no more ice, what does this mean for weather patterns?
The year’s lake ice was one for the record books. This was the latest complete melt on the Great Lakes since NOAA started keeping records back in the 1970s. The season also saw the second-highest amount of ice ever recorded, with just over 92% covering the five bodies of water at the beginning of March, coming close to the all-time record 94% coverage seen in 1979. This year also broke the record for the most ice seen so late in the season, with over one-third of the lakes still covered in ice on April 23.
The lack or presence of ice can have a huge impact on the weather, but it depends on the season.
The most obvious effect that lake ice has on the weather is lake-effect snow, which occurs when cold air moves over the warmer waters. The warmer lake water heats up air at the surface through conduction, and the warmer air begins to rapidly rise through the much colder air above.
The result is convection, which sets up as heavy snow bands that move over land. When the lakes freeze over, lake-effect snow stops. This is why areas on the eastern shore of Lake Ontario some of the highest annual snowfall totals in the country; Lake Ontario hardly ever freezes over during the winter.
On the summer side of things, the lakes don’t have too much of an impact on the weather.
During the warm months, the lakes can have a cooling effect on areas immediately along the coast depending on the direction of the winds.
On rare occasions, the water can have an effect on storm systems. This was most notable in 1996, when a low pressure system sat over Lake Huron and started to take on characteristics of a subtropical cyclone, lending it the nickname “Hurricane Huron.”

One of the most spectacular sights over the Great Lakes are waterspouts that tend to form during the summer and fall months. Waterspouts form when a column of rising air stretches out and begins to rotate; the low pressure inside the rotating column of air condenses the water vapor, leading to the visible condensation funnel.
Waterspouts are different from tornadoes in that tornadoes form from processes within a thunderstorm, whereas waterspouts are usually independent entities. Waterspouts can easily form in thunderstorms, though, due to the ample amount of rising air they require to survive.
Provided we don’t have any freaky weather over the next couple of month, the Great Lakes should remain ice-free until sometime around Thanksgiving.
Justin Bieber, Jonah Hill and Pharrell Williams are the latest celebrities forced to say sorry for their offensive comments and behaviour.
After spouting anti-gay slurs to donning blackface, celebs are forever apologizing for their actions in public — and these days nearly everything is captured on camera.
-Just days after apologizing for a years-old video depicting the then-teen singer telling a racist joke, pop star Justin Bieber faces fresh outrage with reports of another video [again from the past] showing him altering song lyrics to joke about joining the Ku Klux Klan and killing black people. (Canadian Press)
-Hitmaker Pharrell Williams wasn’t riding a happy wave after fans blasted the performer and music producer for posing in a headdress for Elle magazine. He has since apologized. (Doug Inglish/Elle Magazine)
-Calling himself a gay-rights activist ‘from the day I was born,’ actor Jonah Hill apologized in June 2014 for shouting a gay slur at a paparazzo who had been pestering him. (Joel Ryan/Invision/Associated Press)
-Pop star Madonna faced widespread wrath that month for an Instagram post in which she mocked her older son, Rocco, and used a hashtag featuring the N-word. ‘There’s no way to defend the use of the word. It was all about intention … It was used as a term of endearment toward my son,’ she later wrote as she asked fans for forgiveness. (Christopher Polk/Getty)
-Celebrity chef and restaurateur Paula Deen tearfully discussed having used racial slurs in the past during a June 2013 interview on NBC’s Today. After her admission, endorsement, book and TV deals faded away. (Peter Kramer/Associated Press)
-Los Angeles Lakers star Kobe Bryant faced a massive social media backlash in 2012 when he uttered a gay slur in response to a foul call mid-game. He was also slapped with a $100,000 fine by the National Basketball Association. (Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)
-Kristen Stewart sparked major controversy after a 2010 interview with British Elle when the Twilight star compared her difficult relationship with the press and having to deal with worldwide fame to ‘being raped.’ In her subsequent apology, she admitted that ‘violated’ would have been a better way of expressing how she felt. (Mike Blake/Reuters)
-Julianne Hough offered an apology after her costume choice for Halloween in 2013. The actress, dancer and admitted Orange is the New Black fan donned blackface to portray her favourite character, Crazy Eyes. Images of her in costume, worn with friends to a Hollywood bash, were captured by paparazzi and shared on social media. ( Charles Sykes/Invision/AP/Instagram)
-Actor Alec Baldwin is known for his fiery temper, including in 2007, when his phone message tirade against his daughter made headlines. In the years since, however, he’s been blasted for using homophobic language and was in hot water again in November 2013 for using an anti-gay epithet towards paparazzi. His apology vowed that he would ‘retire’ the offending term from his vocabulary. (Seth Wenig/Associated Press)
-Who could forget the firestorm sparked in 2006 after Seinfeld co-star Michael Richards’ racist tirade against an African-American comedy club heckler? Richards issued multiple apologies, including on The Late Show with David Letterman and on Rev. Jesse Jackson’s nationally syndicated radio show. (Associated Press)
-Also, your long suffering, and deeply ashamed reporter would like to apologize for that stupid “black-face” thing I did a few months ago!
I promise it won’t happen again!

03-prime time AL

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