She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal’s office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, “Colonel Sanders.”
Guess where the hell I am now!
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Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
So, God asked him, “What’s wrong with you?”(Nothing like a good Bible story to make your day.)
Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said, “This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.
“She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you’ve had a disagreement.
“She will praise you!
“She will bear your children, and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.
“She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.”
Adam asked God, “What will a woman like this cost?”
God replied, “An arm and a leg.”
Then Adam asked, “What can I get for a rib?”
Of course the rest is history!
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The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max Goldberg invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946 , the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.
The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford’s office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.
Henry was curious and invited them into his office.
They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.
They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.
The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.
The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, ‘The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,’ on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.
Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Jewish, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg’s name on two million Fords.
They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.
And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show –
Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max — on the controls.
————————————————-
72 Facts That Will Actually Teach You SomethingMay 16, 2014 by admin Leave a Comment
1. Chocolate milk was invented in Ireland.
2. You can’t breathe and swallow at the same time.
3. The girlfriend of the guy who founded Match.com left him for a man she met on Match.com.
4. This is what it looks like when a star meets a black hole:
5. Ketchup used to be sold as medicine.
6. The oldest person on Earth was born closer to the signing of the United States Constitution than to now.
7. Also, when the oldest person on Earth was born, there was a completely different set of people on the planet.
8. Coconuts kill more people than sharks every year. So do cows.
9. German is the second most spoken language in North Dakota.
10. Norway once knighted a penguin.
11. The official state VEGETABLE of Oklahoma is the watermelon.
12. The official Space Jam website has not changed since 1996.
13. A day on the planet Venus is longer than a year on Venus.
14. If you are in a room with 23 people, there’s more than a 50% chance that two of the people have the same birthday.
15. A TI-83 calculator has six times more processing power than the computer that landed Apollo 11 on the moon.
16. This is what an eclipse on Earth looks like from space:
17. Cambridge University is older than the Aztec and Inca empires.
18. And Harvard University was founded before calculus was derived.
19. George Washington was 48 years old when Beethoven was born.
20. The last veteran of the American Civil War died in 1959, long enough to see the atomic bomb dropped in Japan.
21. There are more ways to shuffle a deck of cards than there are atoms on Earth.
22. 111,111,111 × 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321.
23. Cows have best friends and they tend to spend most of their time together.
24. Horses cannot breath through their mouths.
25. The names of Popeye’s four nephews are Pipeye, Peepeye, Pupeye, and Poopeye.
26. In the ’60s, Australia lost a prime minister and could not find him. He disappeared and was never found.
27. If you folded a piece of paper 42 times, it would reach to the moon.
28. Light roast coffees have more caffeine than dark roasts.
29. There is a basketball court on the top floor of the U.S. Supreme Court Building. It’s known as the “highest court in the land.”
30. A pig’s orgasm can last for 30 minutes.
31. The day of his assassination, Martin Luther King Jr. got in a pillow fight in his hotel room.
32. New York City is further south than Rome, Italy.
33. Scotland is as far north as Alaska is.
34. Not only is Reno, Nev., west of Los Angeles, but so are six other state capitals.
35. If you’re in Detroit and you walk south, the first country you’ll enter will be Canada.
36. A “butt load” is an actual unit of measurement, equivalent to 126 gallons.
37. There are more people living inside this circle than outside of it:
38. France is the country with the most time zones in the world — more than the U.S. or Russia.
39. There is less time between the existence of the Tyrannosaurus Rex and the existence of humans than there was between the Tyrannosaurus Rex and the Stegosaurus.
40. Crocodiles are more closely related to birds than to lizards.
41. Africa is bigger than the United States, China, India, Spain, France, and several other countries combined.
42. Butterflies taste with their feet.
43. A jiffy is an actual unit of time, not just an expression. It’s equal to 33.3564 picoseconds.
44. The lint that collects in the bottom of your pockets has a name — gnurr.
45. A cubic inch of bone is about four times as strong as concrete.
46. You can get a rough estimate of the temperature by counting the number of times a cricket chirps in 15 seconds, then adding 37.
47. There are more lakes in Canada than in the rest of the world combined.
48. The feeling you get when something is so cute you can’t help but want to squeeze it is called “cute aggression.”
49. “Will Will Smith smith?” and “Will Smith will smith” are sentences that make complete sense.
50. There are more public libraries than McDonald’s in the U.S.
51. The voices of Yoda and Miss Piggy were done by the same person.
52. AOL still earns more than $100 million every few months from dial-up subscribers.
53. There are more tigers living in Texas than in the rest of the world.
54. This is how a ladybug flies:
55. It’s possible to sail a boat from Pakistan to Russia if you sail in a completely straight line.
56. On average, astronauts are two inches taller in space.
57. Shakespeare and Pocahontas were alive at the same time.
58. And Charles Darwin and Abraham Lincoln were born on the same day.
59. There are some trees alive today that were alive before the pyramids were built.
60. Air Force One is not the name of a specific plane, but the name of any plane carrying the president.
61. Ohio is the only U.S. state that doesn’t share any letters with the word “mackerel.”
62. When you yawn and stretch at the time, you are “pandiculating.”
63. It’s impossible to hum while holding your nose.
64. The current American flag was designed by a 17-year-old as a class project. He received a B-.
65. Wombat poop is square.
66. Albino snails exist:
67. The United States is an older country than Germany.
68. The Mongolian navy consists of seven people and one boat.
69. There is enough iron in your body to make a 2-inch nail.
70. When you receive a kidney transplant, instead of the affected kidney being removed, it’s left in and a third one is put in your pelvis.
71. One million seconds is 11 days. One billion seconds is 33 years. A billion is a lot.
72. And, just in case you forgot, the brain named itself.
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