Sunday Morning Funnies # 7

I TOLD MY SON, "YOU WILL MARRY THE GIRL I CHOOSE.

HE SAID, "NO.

I TOLD HIM, "SHE IS BILL GATES' DAUGHTER."

HE SAID, "YES."

I CALLED BILL GATES AND SAID, "I WANT YOUR DAUGHTER TO MARRY MY SON,"

BILL GATES SAID, "NO.

I TOLD BILL GATES, "MY SON IS THE C.E.O. OF WORLD BANK."

BILL GATES SAID, "OK"

I CALLED THE PRESIDENT OF WORLD BANK AND ASKED HIM TO MAKE MY SON THE C.E.O.

HE SAID, "NO"

I TOLD HIM, "MY SON IS BILL GATES' SON-IN-LAW"

HE SAID, "OK"

THIS IS EXACTLY HOW POLITICS WORKS.  

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A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big
“everything under one roof’ department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?”

The kid says “Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota.”

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he’d give
Him a shot, so he gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come
Down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the
Store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor. “How many
Customers bought something from you today?”

The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, “One”.

The boss says “Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30
Customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you’d like to
Continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our
Sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable
In North Dakota, but you’re not on the farm anymore, son.”

The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the
Boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked
(semi-sarcastically), “So, how much was your one sale for?” 

The kid looks up at his boss and says “$101,237.65”.

The boss, astonished, says “$101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?”

The kid says, “Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I
Sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him
Where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him
He was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department
And I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think
His Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive
Department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition.”

The boss said “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him
A boat and a TRUCK!?”

The kid said “No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife,
And I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing.’

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This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a walking stick against a fierce predator.

Here is her story in her own words:

"While out walking along the edge of a creek just outside of our house in Darwin, with my soon to be ex-husband discussing our property settlement, Kids and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 5 metre Crocodile which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging at us very fast with its large jaws wide open.

The Croc must have been protecting her young and her home because she was extremely aggressive.

If I had not had my little $5. Dollar Reject shop walking stick with me, I would not be here today!

Just one hard whack to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took....The' Croc got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.

The amount I saved in lawyer’s fees was really incredible and I got the lot.

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A guy bought a new fridge for his house.

To get rid of his old fridge (still working), he put it in his front yard and hung a Sign on it saying: 'Free to a good home.   

                      
You want it, you take it.'

For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice.

He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal.

 So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'

The next day someone stole it!

They walk amongst us!