Arriving in Heaven

All arrivals in heaven have to go through an examination to determine if admission will be granted.

One room has a clerk who inputs records of what each applicant did on their last day of life.

The first day's applicant explains that his last day was not good.

"I came home early and found my wife naked in bed. She claimed she had just gotten out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and the shower was completely dry too. I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover.

I went onto the balcony of our 9th floor apartment and found the SOB clinging to the rail by his fingertips. I was angry and bashed his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by an awning. Seeing him still alive, I found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him.

At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and died."

The clerk thanked him and sent him on to the waiting room. The second applicant said that his last day was his worst. "I was on an apartment building roof working on AC equipment. I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th floor apartment, but some idiot came rushing out and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I fell, but landed on an awning and survived. But, as I looked up, I saw a huge chest falling toward me. I was hit and killed by the chest."

The clerk couldn't help but chuckle as he directs the man to the waiting room. He is still giggling when his third customer of the day enters. The clerk apologizes and says "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the two fellows that arrived here just before you."

"I don't know" replies the man. "Picture this, I'm buck naked hiding in this cedar chest and...

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So, the guy is getting circumcised tomorrow.

His friend told him that he had that done when he was a few days old.

The guy asked his friend , "Did it hurt?"

The friend said, "Well, I couldn't walk for about a year."

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Story of Adam & Eve's Dog

Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.'

And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.

And it was a good animal and God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.'

And God said, 'I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.

And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.'

And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.'

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.