Sunday Morning Funnies!

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.
One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her
horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

'Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!'

'I can't jump out the window ~ It's raining out there!'

'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied. 'He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!'

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window!

As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

'Do you always run in the nude?' one asked.

'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'

Another runner moved a long side. 'Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?'

Oh , yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, 'Do you always wear a condom when you run?'

'Nope.........just when it's raining.

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Dead Donkey
A young Hillbilly named Kenny moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The following day the farmer drove up and said, 'Sorry, son, but I have some bad news. The donkey died'.
Kenny replied, 'Well then, just give me back my money'.
The farmer said, I'm sorry, I can't do that. I spent it'.
Kenny said, 'OK. Just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked, 'What are you going to do with him?'
Kenny answered, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said 'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'
Kenny responded 'Sure I can. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'
Kenny answered, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998.00.'
The farmer asked, 'Did anyone complain?'
Kenny said, 'Just the guy who won, so I gave him back his two dollars.'

Kenny grew up and eventually became Ken Lay, the chairman of Enron.

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Little Johnny asks:

- Daddy, how was I born?

- Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said: You've Got Male!

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available as an E-Book H E R E ! and as a paperback H E R E !

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://allans-perspective.blogspot.com