General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently.You'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children.
Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this!
This is one of the best comeback lines of all time.
It is a portion of an ABC interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military headquarters.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?
The radio went silent and the interview ended.
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A very tired nurse walks into a bank,
Totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift.
Preparing to write a check,
She pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse
And tries to write with it.
When she realizes her mistake,
She looks at the flabbergasted teller
And without missing a beat, she says:
'Well, that's great....that's just great....
Some asshole's got my pen!'
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Bubba had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.
It seems that his father/grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that special day they'd each walked across the lake to the bar on the far side for their first legal drink.
So when Bubba's 21st birthday came a round he and his pal Jim Bob took a boat out to the middle of the lake Bubba stepped out of the boat ... And nearly drowned!
Jim Bob just barely managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused Bubba went to see his grandmother. 'Grandma' he asked 'it's my 21st birthday so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like my pappy his father and his father before him?'
Granny looked deeply into Bubba's troubled eyes and said 'Because your father your grandfather and your great grandfather were born in January when the lake is frozen and you were born in July you frickin' idiot.'
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One evening a Husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the Hell is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.
'April', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put Talcum Powder in my underwear?'
She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!!!!!!
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I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives.
Some doctor on the television this morning said that the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.
So I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of shhhardonay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of vocka, a pockage of Pringlies, the mainder of bot Prozic and Valum scriptins, the res' of the Chesescke an a box a chocolets. Yu haf no idr who fkin gud I fel.
Peas sen dis un to dem yu fee AR in ned ov inr pece!
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To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine... and those who don't.
As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom,
in beer there is freedom,
in water there is bacteria.
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated
that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in faeces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember:
Water = Poop,
Wine = Health.
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,
than to drink water and be full of shit.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:
I'm doing it as a public service.
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AND FINALLY!
Johnny was working at the fish plant in Carbonear when he accidentally cut off all ten of his fingers.
He went to the emergency room in St. John's and when he got there the doctor looked at Johnny and said 'Let's have da fingers and I'll see what I can do.'
Johnny said, 'I haven't got da fingers.'
'What do you mean, you haven't got da fingers?' shrieked the doctor. 'Lord t'undrin Jesus it's 2007! We's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put dem back on and made you like new!
Why didn't you bring da fingers?'
(Are you ready for this????? Remember this is a Newfie!! Scroll down.)
Johnny says... 'How da fock was I suppose to pick dem up??
Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available as an E-Book H E R E ! and as a paperback H E R E !
Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://allans-perspective.blogspot.com
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