The Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) is the deity of the parody religion "The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster."Now just so we are all on the same page, I have to tell you in all honesty that your humble author believes in Intelligent Design....... just not anything even closely resembling the theory put forward by the "I.D. Movement" and their attempts to use this as a wedge to introduce Creationism into science!
It was created in 2005 by Bobby Henderson as a satirical protest to the decision by the Kansas State Board of Education to require the teaching of Intelligent Design as an alternative to biological evolution in public schools.
Since the Intelligent Design movement used ambiguous references to an unspecified 'Intelligent Designer' to avoid court rulings prohibiting the teaching of creationism as a science, this presumably left open the possibility that any imaginable thing could fill that role.
In an open letter sent to the education board, Henderson parodies the concept of intelligent design by professing belief in a supernatural creator, which closely resembles spaghetti and meatballs.
He furthermore calls for the "Pastafarian" theory of Creation to be taught in science classrooms.
Due to its recent popularity and media exposure, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is often used by atheists, agnostics (known by Pastafarians as "spagnostics"), and others as a modern version of the Invisible Pink Unicorn.
Let's just say that the "Church of Allan" believes in a "First Cause," for want of a better word.
The reason I'm bringing all this up in the first place is because we did an article yesterday about God and religion, and I had the usual nut-bars write and attempt to bring me around to their way of thinking concerning an ultimate reality, salvation, morality and macrame'. (You know, the usual stuff!)
Well, apparently I'm not the only one that has problems with religious zealots who not only try and push their beliefs on you, but get quite upset if you don't see the light!
Even though the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is a parody, this guy, who failed to see the humor in it as witnessed by this letter will be our featured asshole of the day.
(I think it was people with the same attitude as this guy who used to burn and drown suspected witches! In other words.... no sense of humor! Oh, and by the way, please excuse the profanity in his letter, only I am allowed to swear on this blog, so I erased his really bad words!)
Dear dumb ass folowers of FSMism;Now a couple of points here kids!
There have been a lot of weird things that i have seen in my life before, but this tops them all.
Do you really believe that there is/was such a thing as a flying spaghetti monster?
Seriously, how f***ing old are you?
I know there’s such a thing as freedom of speech and expression, but this kinda shit should be banned.
There is only one God and one Holy Word.
Why don't you people get that?
How much sense does it make to say that decreasing numbers of pirates lead to an increase in average global temperature? (Huh? -ED>)
Is that science or some fifth grader trying to sound smart?
You are the kinds of people I dread to meet in public.
If I were to ever have the displeasure of meeting your retarded ass, I would probably beat you senseless until your stupid childish mind thought like a normal person and believed in something that sounds correct instead of just saying “Eh, lets make a new religion..and what the hell, our ‘god’ should be a clump of spaghetti. Oh, and it should have eyes and be able to fly. Lets bow down to it and see how many people follow suit!”
Damn you all to hell!!
Better yet, somebody should lock you in a f***ing psychiatric ward for further examination because they obviously didnt do that enough when you dumb f***s were born.
I hope this web page is taken off the web as quickly as it was put up.
–Sincerly,
ANNONYMOUS
First of all I had to correct a bunch of spelling mistakes. Yes I know I am a rotten speller too, but I at least know how to use "spellcheck!"
This guy is too stupid to do that, so it's no wonder he fits into the category I talk about in my book: "The Plain Truth About God;" If faith were the result of logical reasoning, we could expect that most intelligent people would by now be converted to one ideology or the other!"
On top of that, a whole bunch of perfectly sane, kind hearted and well rounded people, (You know, the ones that agree with US!) sent in these comments for your reading enjoyment!
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-ANNONYMOUS
You must have skipped church a few too many times - calling yourself a Christian and then talking to us like this makes you an embarassment to your religion and most likely family. Next time have the balls to print your name.
-I know there’s such a thing as freedom of speech and expression, but this kinda shit should be banned!
So, apparently you don’t in fact know there is such a thing as freedom of speech. Why are you so threatened by His Noodliness? Does it make you wonder if you have the right Word? Is your god such pussy that he can’t take care of himself?
-I would probably beat you senseless!
Hey, I’m looking through that Jesus story and I can’t seem to find the place where Jesus beat poeple up when they didn’t believe he was the son of God. Could you point out where that it, you hypocritical ChristoZombie.
-You are the kinds of people I dread to meet in public.
And yet, chances are very good you have already met us, we are everywhere.
-Believe in something that sounds correct instead of just saying “Heh, let's make a new religion!"
Learn how to close quotes, and FSM DOES sound correct. Instead you should be asking what is wrong with you that you don’t see it yourself. How does a Jesus Zombie sound more correct? Why can you accept the idea that a woman had a baby without having sex, the universe was created in 7 days, all the living things in the world lived on a boat for 40 days, etc etc etc, and you can’t accept that God may look like he is made out of spaghetti! Who’s being ridiculous now?
Damn you all to hell!!
-Another brilliant discourse by a deluded and self-contradictory xian. Apparently freedom of speech and expression only extends to speech and expression of approved concepts. Sounds suspiciously like ‘annonymous’ (nice spelling there, by the way) is another Nazi wannabe. Typical xian programme - yell at anyone who doesn’t believe the same as them, and if that doesn’t work, kill them. Shithead. Read your fairytale book and live your life the way it tells you before you start to consider yourself the moral equal of anyone, much less their superior. Your attempts to insult us slide by unfelt, since you obviously have no basis to insult anyone.
-Now this next one makes me sorry I corrected all his mistakes!
Marks for Annonymous (assuming this is his incorrectly spelt real name)
Spelling 6/10
Note the spelling of followers, there’s, don’t, until, didn’t, sincerely.
Grammar 6/10
Names should be in title case, not uppercase, ‘kind of’ not ‘kinda’, ‘I’ should be capitalised, ‘FSMism’ is known as ‘Pastafarianism’, non use of title case for ‘Flying Spaghetti Monster’. Otherwise good for a hate mailer with reasonable sentence structure.
Ability to grasp irony 0/10
Our belief in there being such a thing as a Flying Spaghetti Monster should be easy to grasp. Shows an inability to spot irony as the graph mentioned is meant to be poor evidence
Sarcasm 2/10
Good comparison of Bobbie Henderson to a fifth grader, however, lets themself* down by failing to spot the graphs absurdity is the point (see irony)
Patriotism 0/10
Even I, a foreigner from Briton, can see there is a complete inability to grasp that the First Amendment that applies to every American, not just those who have parents who are cousins.
Christian fervour 8/10
Can grasp the concept of one God, but seems to think there is only one “Holy Word”, not a bible full. Has a good grasp of spreading the word through beating people senseless, however I cannot give marks for this as current Christian doctrine tends towards loving thy neighbour. Strong willingness to believe in things that “sound right” without relying on evidence or listening to other things. Strong belief in using psychiatric treatment to instil religious dogma!
Likeness to Charlton Heston 9/10
A good showing with a “Damn you all to hell!!” line, very reminiscent of Planet of the Apes.
Overview
Annonymous tries hard but ultimately is let down by an inability to grasp simple concepts. More worryingly is the threat to beat fellow humans senseless and use of foul language. I strongly recommend Annonymous concentrate on creating a career as a talk radio host, faith healer or sets up as a home maker with his spouse/sibling seeing as it is unlikely they can adapt to civilised society; the scope for social acceptance by non-hicks is very low. Must try harder!
And one more kick at the cat...! This guy is rathr harsh but I will let him hve the last word!
-Dear folower of Christianity!
There have been a lot of weird things that i have seen in my life before, but this tops them all. Do you really believe that there is/was such a thing as an invisible zombie saviour in the sky? Seriously, how old are you? I know there’s such a thing as freedom of speech and expression, but this kinda shit should be… well, I know there’s such a thing as freedom of speech and expression.
There’s is only one God and one Noodly Word. Why dont you people get that? How much sense does it make to say that Mary gave birth to a genetically distinct child without breaking her hymen? Is that science or some fifth grader trying to sound smart?
You are the kinds of people I dread to meet in public. If I were to ever have the displeasure of meeting your retarded ass, I would probably talk to you untill your stupid childish mind thought like a normal person and believed in something that makes sound sense instead of just saying “Eh, lets follow an old religion..and what the hell, our ‘god’ should be an invisible 2,000-year-old zombie from the desert. Oh, and it should have wounds and be able to fly. Lets bow down to it and see how many people follow suit!”
Damn you to the slightly stale beer volcano!! Better yet, somebody should talk to you like they cared about you because they obviously didnt do that enough when you were born. I hope your religion is taken out of your mind as quickly as it was put in. (So it’ll take a while.)
–Sincerly,
Jorick
Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know......!) and is available as an E-Book H E R E! and H E R E! And as a paperback H E R E ! and H E R E !
Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://allans-perspective.blogspot.com
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