The father thought for a moment, then answered, “Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.” “Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.”
So the boy went to his mother and asked, “Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?” The mother replied, “Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!”
The boy then went to his sister and asked, “Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?” The girl replied, “Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?
The boy then went to his brother and asked, “Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?” “Of course,” the brother replied. “Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?”
The boy pondered the answers for a few days, and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, “Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?”
The boy replied, “Yes… potentially, you and I are sitting on three million dollars………….. but realistically,……… we’re living with two sluts and a queer.”
A young man moved into a new apartment of his own,
and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.
While there, an attractive young lady
came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe.
The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.
As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on.
The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said,

“Let’s go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.”

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it,

allowing her robe to fall off completely.
Now nude, she purred at him, “What would you say is my best feature?”
Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, “It’s got to be your ears.”
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, “My ears?
Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural.
I work out every day and my butt is firm and solid.
Look at my skin – no blemishes anywhere.
How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?”
Clearing his throat, he stammered
“Outside, when you said you heard someone coming…. that was me.”
A Letter of Apology From The Chap Who Was Fired After The
Christmas Party
When I came into the office this morning, I noticed a sort of
general feeling of unfriendliness, and since several of you have
called me a “dirty son of a bitch” to my face, I knew I must have
done something wrong at the office Christmas Party.
The Office Manager called me from the hospital today and as this
is my last day, I’d like to take this way of apologizing to all
of you. I would prefer speaking to everyone personally, but all
of you seem to go deaf and dumb whenever I try to talk to you.
First, to our dear and beloved boss, I am sorry for all the
things I called you Friday afternoon. I’m very much aware that
your father is not a baboon, nor your mother a Chinese whore.
Your wife is a delightful woman, and my story of you buying her
for 50 cents in Tijuana was strictly a figment of my imagination.
Your children are undoubtedly yours too.
About the water cooler incident, you’ll never know how badly I
feel about it, and I hope you didn’t hurt your head when they
were trying to get the glass jug off.
To Mary, I express my deepest regrets. In my own defense, I must
remind you that you seemed to enjoy our little escapade on the
stairway as much as I did until the bannister broke and we fell
eight feet to the second floor landing. In spite of the rupture
you incurred when I landed on top of you, I am sure you will
admit that when we landed it was one of the biggest thrills you
have ever had.
Sam, you old cuss, you’ve just got to forgive me for that little
prank I played on you. If I had known you were goosey, I’d have
never done it. It would have been a lot worse if that fat lady
hadn’t been standing right under the window you jumped through.
She really broke your fall a lot. People have been killed falling
three stories.
Gene, I regret telling the fireman it was you who turned in the
false alarm. But, of course, I had no way of knowing they would
make such a bad report of it. Those fire hoses sure have a lot of
pressure don’t they? And the water is cold!!
Don, I know how you must feel about me. Opening the door to the
broom closet suddenly must have startled you and Millie quite
badly, and to think how hard you bumped your chin on the shelf
when you bent over to pull up your pants, it makes me sick. We’ll
have to get together for dinner some night after the dentist
finishes your plates.
Nancy, the only excuse I can offer for stealing all your clothes
and hiding them when I found you passed out in the ladies room,
is that I was drunk. Also, I want you to know I was very
embarrassed when I couldn’t remember where I hid them and you had
to go home in that old sofa cover. Running your falsies up the
flag pole was a bit too much, but like I said, I was a little
To all of you, I am sorry. Setting Jan’s panties on fire seemed
funny at the time, and it makes me sad to hear that her husband
is divorcing her because of it.
Urinating in everyone’s drink was in bad taste, and not telling
them about it until all the drinks were gone was even worse.
Now that I have apologized to all of you and know that I am
forgiven, I will do my darndest to come to the picnic…..
The number of doctors in Canada is 700,000
Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year are 120,000
Accidental deaths per physician is 17.14% Statistics courtesy of the Canadian Dept of Health & Human Services.
The number of guns owned in Canada is 80,000,000 (yes that’s 80 million)
The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500
The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is 0.001875% Statistics courtesy of the RCMP.
So statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.
Remember, guns don’t kill people, doctors do.
Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!!
Out of concern for the public at large, I have withheld statistics on lawyers for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention. Then we would be in real trouble.