Ladies and Gentlemen:
The Sandwich that shaped the Twentieth Century!
There was this guy named Gavrilo Princip. He was a Bosnian student and guerrilla, part of a group called the Black Hand. Sounds like the evil organization of mages that secretly controls the world, right? Unfortunately, it was something a lot less awesome: a Slavic independence group.
And for some weird reason, they really hated Franz Ferdinand.
To be fair, he had that kind of
face.
The World-shattering CoincidenceLet’s make sure to clear this up: Gavrilo Princip very much wanted to assassinate Uncle Franz. It was how it happened that was so fucking random.
In mid-1914, Ferdinand, his wife and the obligatory group of less important political figures and other random hangers-on that always accompanies a soon-to-be-assassinated fool, were cruising through the streets of Sarajevo in a (stupidly) open-top car.
The Black Hand had crafted an intricate assassination plot, which basically consisted of, “just kill this dumbass somehow.” Unfortunately, as is always true with intricate assassination plots, something went wrong.
Cabrinovic took a cyanide pill that failed to kill him and jumped into a three foot river to “drown” himself. Franz and his party, it seemed, were safe.
But Franz was not yet done putting his life in
insane danger. Against the advice of pretty much everyone, he insisted on going
to the hospital to visit the people who were injured by the grenade. The
driver, unfortunately, had no idea where the fuck he was going. They ended up
crisscrossing hilariously through the streets of Sarajevo, until they just
randomly happened to pass a cafe where, you guessed it, Gavrilo Princip was enjoying a post-failed-assassination
sandwich.
After the obligatory pause of dumbfounded luck, Princip grabbed his pistol
and turned the tide of history.And How Did it Change The World?
First, WWI broke out …
Pictured: Gavrilo Princip’s fault.
… Then there was the post-war economic failure…
Pictured: Gavrilo Princip’s fault.
… Which was part of the reason Germany actually elected…
Pictured: Gavrilo Princip’s fault.
… Who caused…
Pictured: Gavrilo Princip’s fault.
… Which ended with…
Pictured: Gavrilo Princip’s fault.
… which resulted in the Cold War…
Pictured: Gavrilo Princip’s fault.
… Which led to…
Pictured: Gavrilo Princip’s fault.
… And finally gave us:
Pictured: Gavrilo Princip’s fault.
That’s right. Most of the horror and death of the 20th Century may not have
happened had Gavrilo Princip not gotten the munchies for a sandwich.
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