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MONK’S TRANSLATION
A young monk arrives at the monastery.
He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old
canons and laws of the church by hand.
He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old
canons and laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from
copies, not from the original manuscript.
So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this,
pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the
first copy, it would never be picked up!
In fact, that error would be continued in all of the
subsequent copies.
copies, not from the original manuscript.
So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this,
pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the
first copy, it would never be picked up!
In fact, that error would be continued in all of the
subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, ‘We have been copying from the copies
for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.’
for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.’
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery
where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked
vault that hasn’t been opened for hundreds of years.
Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot . . .
where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked
vault that hasn’t been opened for hundreds of years.
Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot . . .
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.
He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.
‘We missed the R !
We missed the R !
We missed the R !’
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.
The young monk asks the old abbot, ‘What’s wrong, father?’
With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, ‘The word was…
He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.
‘We missed the R !
We missed the R !
We missed the R !’
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.
The young monk asks the old abbot, ‘What’s wrong, father?’
With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, ‘The word was…
‘CELEBRATE !!!’
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Wal Mart Diagnosis
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, “My elbow hurts like crazy. I guess I better see a doctor.”
“Listen, you don’t have to spend that
kind of money,” Mike replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer down at
Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the
computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars… a lot cheaper than a doctor.”
computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars… a lot cheaper than a doctor.”
So Joe puts a urine sample in a small jar
and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer
lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours
the sample into the slot and waits.
the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
“You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in
warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank
you for shopping at Wal-Mart.”
That evening while thinking how amazing
this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be
fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine
samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm
sample for good measure. Joe hurried back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results.
sample for good measure. Joe hurried back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results.
He deposited ten dollars, poured in his concoction, and awaited the results. The computer then prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant; twins. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don’t stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart
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The Vulgar Parrot
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad
attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth
was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.
The Vulgar Parrot
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad
attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth
was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.
John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying
only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to
“clean up” the bird’s vocabulary.
only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to
“clean up” the bird’s vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled
back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.
back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.
John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in
the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the
freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and
said, “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.
I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully
intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”
freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and
said, “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.
I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully
intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”
John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to
ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the
bird continued, “May I ask what the turkey did?”
ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the
bird continued, “May I ask what the turkey did?”
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